NameCalling
by masterful liar
Summary: A super-long fic that loosely follows the events, actions, and relationships of the TV show, just with a bit more Barney/Robin flair. COMPLETE
1. A

**Part One**

The gang, minus Barney, was sitting around their booth at MacLaren's in deep discussion.

Robin looked across the table to Ted, who was staring woefully into his third beer. "Well, Of course she wanted to know. Everyone wants to know. YOU wanted to know, if I remember correctly."

Ted laughed briefly, sarcastically. "Huh. Yeah. I said I did, but once I asked, I kinda wished I didn't." He kept staring into his mug, picked it up, and drained it.

Robin blinked and looked at him, hurt. "Wait, what is _that_ supposed to mean?" She asked, testily.

Lily looked quickly at Marshall, sensing an impending ex-lovers quarrel. "Hey, Marshmallow, how's your new job at Barney's bank?" she goaded. "I don't think you've told Ted yet."

Robin sighed, frustrated. "I'm going to get another drink," she said, standing.

Marshall perked up, excited at this chance to be in the spotlight – and equally excited to no longer be listening to an uncomfortable argument between two of his best friends.

"It…" He sat up straight, pausing for emphasis, "is GREAT! The office is great, my job is great, my computer is great, I can play computer games all day and no one knows and I get a GREAT salary, and I love my co-workers, even my boss is great!" Marshall rambled off, getting worked up. "I don't even have to work that much with Barney, which is probably the greatest part" he said animatedly.

"What about Barney?" an inquisitive voice interrupted. Barney pulled up a chair at the end of the table and straddled it. "Are you talking about how he's so awesome?" He smiled at Marshall.

Robin returned with a drink filled to the brim. "Ooh, scotch! Nice, Scherbatsky!" Barney grabbed the drink from her hand and took a sip before returning it to the woman, who now looked more frustrated than ever. "Holy crap, that's strong! There's NO soda in that. Or Red Bull… Or ice…" He looked at Robin, now downing the drink. "What's up?" He asked, suddenly sobering, realizing something was wrong.

"Nothing," she muttered quietly, slamming the now empty glass on the table. Barney's eyes went wide, but he said nothing, glancing at Lily who shook her head no, telling him not to press the issue.

"Ok…" He trailed off. Then, seeing Robin's cheeks turning red, he quickly took the attention off of her. "So," he said, straightening and clearing his throat, "I believe you were discussing the awesomeness of the Barnacle when I walked into your pathetic, boring little lives just now."

Ted looked up from his beer at Barney, annoyed, but remained silent. "As I was saying," Marshall perked back up. "I like my job." He turned to look at the suited man. "Thank you, Barney," he said sincerely. "I really do like it. Just don't make me do anything with mice… Or North Korea, for that matter, and we'll be fine."

Barney grinned. "Good! I knew you would like it! And now Lil can buy all the boots she wants, right?" Lily looked down sheepish. "Well, I think we're working on paying off the apartment first… And then paying down my _existing _credit card bills, right hon?" She smiled at Marshall. "Right," he said, returning the smile... Then furrowing his brow slightly as he looked at her hands wrapped around her beer. "Is that a new bracelet?"

His wife quickly stuck her hands under the table, "Uh, nope! Just... You know, old! Older! Um... You haven't seen it in a while, is all…" She avoided Marshall's glare, and turned to Ted, eager to put the spotlight back on him. "So Stella thinks you're a slut, huh?"

Barney laughed, having returned from the bar, two drinks in hand. He sat down, drinking out of one and silently putting the other in front of a still dejected-looking Robin, his eyes remaining on Ted. "Wait, what?" He sipped from his scotch on the rocks.

Ted sighed, draining the last of his beer, and slouched lower in the booth. "He and Stella had 'The Talk,'" Lily supplied helpfully. "And Stella wasn't... I guess that pleased with how long Ted's list was compared to hers."

"Well at least something about him is long, What Up!?" Barney leaned towards Ted, hand raised. "Why would I high-five you for that?" Ted asked, ignoring the hand and collecting himself. "I mean, she asked me and I told her. And then I asked _her_, and she has only slept with 3 people! In her whole life!" The table got very quiet, everyone sitting up instantly straight. "What?" Asked Barney incredulously. "But… she's hot!"

"I know, right? That's why I was shocked! And I looked at her like, 'are you serious?' and she got worried, and asked me how many people I had slept with!" He grabbed Marshall's beer having finished his own and now too engrossed in his story to get up for another one. "Hey!" The larger man protested, only to be interrupted by Ted hurriedly continuing his story.

"So I told her and she got really, really quiet. Then she walked away to do laundry and when I asked her if everything was ok, she said it was 'fine.'" Ted threw his hands up in the air. "So what does that mean?!"

"Ted." Said Barney, leaning towards Ted who was getting noticeably tipsy. "Focus," he said, pointing with two fingers at his eyes, then at Ted's, then back at his own. "What? Dude, you _know_ I hate it when you do that," said Ted.

Barney smiled. "I know." He straightened tugging slightly on the inside of his suit jacket. "Ted, what have I always told you are the three things women say when they're lying?"

"Um… I don't think you've told me that."

Barney paused, puzzled. "You may be right. That must've been someone else equally pathetic." He paused again to let the insult sink in, took a sip of his drink, and glanced over at Robin, still sitting hunched on her side of the booth, hands crossed over her chest. Her drink was empty again. "Open your brain hoop, because I've got a three-pointer of knowledge on its way."

Marshall, Ted, and Lily all groaned, rolling their eyes. Robin just sighed and leaned forward, her interest piqued enough to momentarily break her sulking.

"Ted, when a woman is lying, she will say one of three things. One:" Barney raised his finger, "'I'm fine.' Ted, when a woman, especially a woman who as is hot as Stella and could do way better than you," Barney smirked, "says that she is 'fine,' after any sort of argument, she is not. Two:" he held up another finger, "If she ever says 'nothing' when you ask her what's wrong, she's also lying. 'Nothing' is the calm before the storm. Arguments that start with 'nothing' usually end with 'fine.'" Ted widened his eyes and pursed his lips. Lily just laughed, "Ha, Barney, before you got to the table, Ted said that Stella had said nothing was wrong."

Barney froze in the middle of extending finger number three, "Lily? Please?"

Admonished, Lily bit her lip and drank a sip of her beer. "Three: 'That's ok.' If you ever ask permission to do something, and please Ted, you know you do, you're completely whipped, and she says 'that's ok…'? That's NOT ok. Don't do it."

Smiling and proud of himself, Barney sunk back in his chair and lifted his glass, toasting his own genius and Ted's obvious misery.

The table was quiet for a moment, drinking it all in. Robin sighed, raised her eyebrows and sunk back into the booth, clearly distracted. Ted just remained looking into Marshall's (now his) almost empty beer mug. Lily looked uncomfortable.

Only Marshall gave Barney the response he wanted, "Dude, you're so right." Lily sat up, "Hey!" "What?" Marshall got defensive. "Lillipad, I love you, but it's true! Whenever you say nothing's wrong, _something_ is _always_ wrong!" Lily now mimicked Robin's position, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back. "Fine," she grumbled.

"See?!" Barney cried triumphantly. Wendy the Waitress walked by their table on her way back to the bar. "Wendy, another round of beers please? And a Johnny Walker Blue, neat." Barney turned his attention back to the table, oblivious to everyone's foul mood.

"Ok. So. How do I fix it?" Ted hesitantly asked Barney.

"I dunno" Barney flippantly remarked, helping Wendy distribute the beers around the table off her tray. He wordlessly placed the whiskey in front of Robin as he took a sip from his beer.

She sat up in protest, "Barney, thank you for ordering this and all, but I just quit my job and I'm trying to save money for Japan. I can't aff-" "Please," Barney cut her off, waving his hand.

He looked again at Ted. "How the hell would I know how to fix the argument?" Ted took a sip of his beer, appreciatively glancing at the label. "You just listed classic ways to tell women are angry. Clearly, you've seen a LOT of angry women." Barney just chuckled. "So how have you fixed it?"

Barney took a sip of the whiskey to sample it before placing it back in front of Robin. "I don't. I just get out of her bed and go home. Ted, you can't ever be in an argument if you never see her again and she doesn't know your cell number. Fake number five!" He held up his hand expectantly at Robin, who just looked at it.

Lily glared at him, then shook her head no again. "Well, surely you got in arguments with women you've actually _cared about_, right Barney?" she encouraged him, raising her eyebrows hopefully.

Barney got the hint and glanced back at Robin, who shifted, annoyed. He turned, directing his story to Robin more than anyone else, "Back when I was with Shannon…" he started quietly. The news anchor looked up, interested. "Back when I was with Shannon, we got in a fight. And it was horrible. It lasted for days… It's hard to work behind the counter of a coffee shop and not speak to the person standing beside you."

Unsure, he faltered, taking a bigger sip of his drink. "Well, how did you fix it?" Lily egged him on.

"Well, I knew that I was right and she was completely wrong in the argument… But I loved her and couldn't stand not talking to her," at the word love, Barney's voice cracked slightly and he looked down into his glass, "And so I finally just swallowed my pride, bought her a _lot_ of flowers, and forced her to tell me what was wrong… And she did. Turns out, I had been completely wrong and she was right. And then we were great, ya know? Things were really great with us…" He drowned off again, looking back up, suddenly aware that people were listening to his story. He sat up straight, "And then we totally... _almost_ did it. What up?!" Much to his delight, he finally got a fist bump from Marshall, mostly out of sympathy.

"So just make her talk to you, Ted," Barney said. "That's all I can say."

"But she was so obviously angry at me for thinking she was such a prude. And now she thinks I just sleep around! Whatever, at least my list isn't even half as long as Robin's."

Robin, suddenly completely awake, shot up angrily, "Hey!" Barney crocked his eyebrow, smirking, and twisted to focus on the indignant woman. "Really?" he drawled suggestively. "I thought he said you had Daddy issues but weren't a slut… Interesting…" He tapped his fingers against his chin, peering at Robin.

She wisely ignored him and instead fired off at Ted, "That's not fair! You're picking on me just because I'm the only one at this table who isn't either married or …" she stumbled over her thoughts, trying to figure out a way to describe the man sitting next to her, "you know… Barney!"

Barney smiled, proud of his awesomeness once again.

Robin's steamrolling continued, "If Lily hadn't met Marshall in college, you just _know_ she would be even more of a slut than me!"

Lily and Marshall both took offense, "Hey!"

Robin looked at Lily, "What? It's true!"

The petite woman looked at Marshall and meekly admitted, "Yeah… It's true." Marshall looked at her knowingly. "Yeah, probably me too," he agreed.

"See?!" Robin said excitedly. "My list may be longer than yours, but it is way shorter than hypothetical unmarried Lily and Marshall, and waaay shorter than Barney's!" Barney just smiled, enjoying flustered, slightly tipsy Robin, and stealing sips of her whiskey as she continued with her rampage. "I mean, Barney's list is probably 10 times longer than all of our lists combined! How many, Barney? How many women are on your list, eh?" Barney smirked behind the glass, waving his hand. "Please," he scoffed.

"See!" Robin sat back, spent. "I'm not a slut!" She announced, a little too loudly, pounding her fist on the table and drawing attention from neighboring booths.

"He never said you were, honey," Lily consoled her, patting her arm.

"Nope," Ted agreed, defensively. "I just said that your list is really long."

Barney sat forward, whispering at Robin, "_How _long, exactly, because this is inter-" Ted cut him off, "And clearly Stella values sex as something important, and I wish that I had too like Marshall and Lily." He started sermonizing as he reflected on the past year. "I mostly did, actually... Except right after we broke up and Barney was my wing-man." Ted glared at the blonde, "Then, my list basically tripled in size."

"You're welcome," Barney said, clinking his empty scotch glass against Ted's beer bottle.

"But other than then, you know, I do take sex seriously," Ted insisted eagerly. "I guess you just don't," he said to Robin.

Marshall, Lily and Barney all looked at Robin at the same time, eagerly awaiting a second volley of fury. But instead, Robin slumped further deep into her seat and seemed on the verge of tears. "So what are you saying, Ted? What are you calling me? You might as well just say it."

Everyone, shocked at Robin taking this so personally, looked back at Ted warily. The spiky haired man, so distressed about his situation with Stella that he was beyond caring about his friends, leaned forward and said obnoxiously, "I don't have to call you anything. Just look at the facts."

Marshall and Lily immediately made noises of protest on Robin's behalf. "Hey, not cool man… Yeah, that was low." Lily turned to comfort Robin, whose eyes had started to leak out a few tears, "Honey, he doesn't mean it, he's just mad about Stella."

But Robin wasn't listening; she was looking at Barney, who was lightly squeezing her wrist. "You don't have to take this, Robin," he said quietly. "I know it's not true."

She nodded at him, quietly. He winked at her and smiled. "Although, slutty _would _have been nice…" She laughed, wiping the tears off her face, then sat up straight to look at Ted angrily.

Robin downed the rest of her drink, slammed it on the counter and pointed at her ex-boyfriend. "Well, for your information, I do take it seriously! Just because I've slept with a lot of guys doesn't mean I didn't feel anything for them. It doesn't mean it wasn't real," she paused for the briefest of seconds to sniffle and glance at Barney, who was staring at her, dumbstruck, "And meaningful."

She continued, "I have never slept with anyone I didn't think I could have a future with, Ted. A good, real, serious even Ted-like future with – never. Happy?"

"Well, that's clearly not true," Ted said, already half-drunk and saying things he knew he shouldn't say. "I mean, you slept with Barney." He jerked his thumb at the man sitting silently next to him.

"I know I did, Ted," Robin icily spit at him before grabbing her purse and storming out of the bar.

Ted looked back at his drink, admonished and even more miserable than he was before. Marshall just raised his eyebrows at the drama of it all and took a big gulp of his beer.

Barney remained frozen, staring intently at the place Robin had just been sitting. Lily caught his glance, eyes wide… Wait, what?

**Part Two**

"Someone better go make sure she gets home ok – she was drinking a lot," Lily sounded concerned and looked at Barney. "Barney?" Her sharp question shook him out of his trance.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, uh… right." Barney visibly shook his head and smoothed the wrinkles out of his jacket as he stood up. "I might as well make sure she gets a cab – I have to get going anyway. Big meeting with the Koreans tomorrow. I've been preparing for weeks." He cracked a smile in an attempt to show his normal, cocky self. "I just don't think they're prepared for me."

He winked a thanks at Lily, said a brief, "Peace, hombre" to Marshall, and gave a stiff nod to Ted, who was now feeling guilty for two reasons. "Ted."

Barney turned to walk briskly out the door, only to be stopped by Ted calling after him, "Barney!" He paused and briefly turned to look back at the table. "Tell her I'm sorry," Ted asked. Barney nodded again as he opened the door.

Back at the table, Marshall and Lily just stared at Ted. "Dude! What's wrong with you?!" Marshall asked loudly. "That was NOT cool!"

"I know, I know, I'm a horrible person," Ted conceded. He sighed, "Well, I guess I just need to talk to Stella." Marshall and Lily nodded in unison. "Yes, Ted, you do. You really, really do," Lily agreed. Pulling out his cell phone and pausing with his thumb hovering over Stella's speed dial, Ted looked up at his roommates. "Maybe… I think I'm just mad at myself. I mean, I've been wanting to get married for years!" Marshall nodded. "But now that it's here… And happening so soon… And I'm going to become a husband _and_ a father on the same day… I just don't think I want it anymore."

Lily's eyes widened. "But you love Stella!" She exclaimed. Ted sat up, putting his phone down on the table. "I know! It's just… I loved Robin too, you know? And that fell apart after a year. I've only known Stella for a couple of months – how do I know it won't fall apart, too?"

Marshall put his arms around Ted's shoulders. "Because it won't. Listen, if you're having second thoughts, that's something you need to work out. But NOT by lashing out at your ex-girlfriend. Maybe you're just scared of getting what you've always wanted." Ted nodded.

"Remember our wedding?" Lily chimed in. "We had been planning it for ten years, and then I ran away to San Francisco because I was so scared of getting what I'd always wanted. And I almost ruined the best thing that's ever happened to me." Marshall smiled and squeezed her hand on the table, his eyes only momentarily dropping to look again at the very expensive-looking bracelet on her wrist. "You just need to talk to Stella, buddy." He said. "Maybe you don't need to get married right now – you can extend the engagement until you figure out where you're going to live and everything. The important thing is you're both happy."

"Yeah, you're right," Ted said, standing. "Alright, here I go! I've gotta work on Stella…" He started dialing, "Then somehow make it up to Robin before she leaves for Japan."

"Oh! Right!" Lily sat up. "I completely forgot. Robin's flight leaves at 7:45 tomorrow morning. She said she could go to the airport by herself, but I told her that's ridiculous – you know how she is, all independent." Lily said that last word the same way Ted said New Jersey, like a curse word, and Marshall just grinned at his wife. "So I think it would be a great surprise if we all waited for her flight with her, at the gate, together."

Ted nodded absentmindedly, still looking at his phone. "Sounds good," and turned to walk off. "Don't forget!" Lily shouted after him. She turned to look at Marshall. "He's going to forget." "I know," her husband smiled. "I'll call him in the morning to remind him." Lily smiled back. "Chimichanga." Marshall laughed as they stood and held hands to leave the bar, "No one's here, we don't have to use code words." "I know!" Lily returned. "It's just more fun that way."

**** *

Barney had been walking in the direction Robin had taken out of MacLaren's for about 10 blocks before he gave up. Raising his hand to hail a cab, Barney pulled out his cell phone and pulled up "Scherbatsky" in his address book. His finger hovered over the "call" button for a moment as he looked at her picture next to her contact information – her _Japan_ contact information. He pressed "call" and looked back up, peering down the street for a cab.

"Ring… ring…" Barney turned when he heard Robin's no-nonsense ringer. Sure enough, the former singer was exiting the front door of a bookstore right behind him. "Scherbatsky!" Barney exclaimed, relief written all over his face. She looked up from digging through her purse. Her face was still red, but it looked like she had stopped crying.

"Did you just call me?" She asked, pulling out her phone, puzzled to see his number displayed on her screen. "Uh, yeah, I was looking for you." She cleared the screen and put the phone back in her purse. "Why?" She walked up to curb where Barney had been standing moments before and raised her arm. Efficient, career-woman Robin had replaced the vulnerable woman he had just seen at the bar.

Barney walked up and stood next to her. "Well…" He stumbled over his words, unprepared to explain himself. "You… you had a lot to drink and I just wanted to make sure you got home ok." He winced, predicting a biting response.

"Oh." Robin ran a hand through her hair as a cab pulled up to the curb. "Well, I'm fine, Barney." He opened the backdoor of the cab for her and she looked up, surprised. "I know," he said simply, and got in the cab behind her.

He gave the cab driver Robin's address then turned to face her. "No, I mean I'm fine. Really. I didn't have too much to drink," she continued their conversation. "I can get home fine without you," she insisted. "I know," he said again. "Nothing's wrong," she insisted. At that, Barney only smiled faintly. "What were you doing in a bookstore?" "Needed something to read on the plane." He nodded.

The ride to Brooklyn was brief and comfortably quiet. They both got out at her apartment and Barney paid the driver. "Barney, you really didn't have to help me get home." She smiled at him. "I know I didn't _have_ to do anything," he said. "I wanted to – Scherbatsky, you leave for Japan tomorrow so I figured I'd at least be on my best behavior before you leave. You know, so you remember how awesome Barney is while you're overseas."

She raised an eyebrow in question. "But why?" He smiled and raised his eyebrow in turn, "I sometimes head over to the far east myself on business – it'd be nice if you could be talking me up to the ladies so they can be ready for me. You know, give a little positive PR. What up?" He snickered and raised his hand. Robin rolled her eyes and laughingly gave him a high-five.

"So. Can I help you finish packing?" He asked, and she turned to walk up to her apartment. "Well, not really," she said, unlocking the door. "I'm pretty much done."

"Whoa." Barney stepped into her apartment, surprised. It was completely empty, save for a few boxes piled in a corner and three over-stuffed suitcases sitting by the door. "Where'd your stuff go?"

Robin emerged from the kitchen, two beers in hand. "Gone." She said, shrugging, and handed him one of the beers. "I've already shipped all the stuff I need in Japan over there to my new place, I sold the furniture I couldn't ship for some extra spending money, which I've already converted," she took a sip of her beer, mentally checking off her to-do list, "and I boxed up the rest for give-away."

Barney just stared at her. "Wow. If nothing else, you are efficient," he said, strolling around the apartment. It seemed so much smaller now that it was empty. "So…" He wandered into the bedroom. "Wait! The bed's gone!" She followed him into the room. "Yup. Didn't need it anymore. Sold it." They both looked at where the bed once had been, thinking of the same thing. "Oh." Barney took a long, long drink of beer.

"So!" He said, briskly moving past the obvious jokes he could be making. "Where are you sleeping now?" Robin led him back into the living room and opened a cabinet. "In there?" He joked. "No, you jerk," she playfully teased. She pulled out two blankets and a few pillows and arranged them were the couch had been in the center of the floor.

"Wait, what, are you serious?! You're sleeping on the floor?" She looked at him sheepishly. "It's fine!"

He just stood there, mouth hanging open. "No. It is not!" He said. "C'mon, you're crashing at my place tonight," he said decisively, bending over to fold up the blankets.

"No, I'm not Barney." She said, stopping him. "It's fine. Plus, you're not gonna get me to sleep with you just because I'm leaving town." He stopped and looked up. "I swear, I won't try anything. I just…. Robin, you don't need to be sleeping on the floor. C'mon now."

Robin sighed, convinced. "Fine… My back _had_ been kinda hurting." Barney looked at her, wide-eyed. "Scherbatsky… How long, exactly, have you been sleeping on the floor?" She squeezed her eyes shut, anticipating his wrath. "A week…" She said quietly.

"A WEEK?!? Seriously? No _wonder_ you've been such a cry baby lately." "Hey!" She feebly protested. He stuffed the blankets and pillows back in the cabinet. "Let's go."

"You're doing that thing where you're nice to me again, Barney. It's freaking me out," she confessed, gathering her bags. "We already talked about this, Robin." He said, not looking at her as he did a quick sweep through her apartment, making sure she didn't forget anything. "I don't always want to be _that guy_, remember?" She smiled, dropping her bags outside the door. "Yeah, I remember."

As Barney walked out, he stopped to examine the pile of boxes by the door. They were labeled with L&M, T, and B. "Robin, what are these boxes?" She peered in, "Oh, just stuff that I thought you guys may want. I know Lily and Marshall are really sentimental and wouldn't want me throwing some stuff away, so I left these boxes for you guys. They're coming in tomorrow to clean up the apartment for me and grab those boxes. If you don't want anything in your box, feel free to give it away or trash it."

Barney laughed and pulled the door closed, "Ha – ok, Scherbatsky. Hey! Your door mat's still here." She smiled, "Yeah. Lily said she had a few things she was going to send me in a care package, and I asked her to stick the doormat in with her stuff. I couldn't fit it in with the stuff I sent."

He smiled at the back of her head as he followed her down the stairs, carrying two of her bags. "So you're taking it with you to Japan…. WHAT in the world do you have in these bags?" He stumbled down the stairs, barely making it to the lobby without dropping the heavy bags completely.

She dragged her bag out to the curb and raised a hand, turning to look at him. "Bricks… And of course I'm bringing the doormat." She smiled at Barney, "I love it!" He smiled broadly then tried to contain himself, "Well, sure. I mean, there aren't many Scherbatskys out in Japan."

She looked at him and smiled, her eyes sparkling. "Yeah. And not too many guys who'd special order a doormat that says Scherbatsky for a girl when their best friend threw up all over the first one." He looked up at her, startled. "What?" She smiled, amused at his shock. "I never did thank you for that."

He started to protest but instead accepted that the secret was out. "No problem, Scherbatsky," he said quietly, turning back to the road and eying the approaching cab.

They slid into the backseat and let the cabbie load their bags into the trunk.

****** *

With the cab speeding away, Robin looked up at Barney's building as the suited man struggled with her two heaviest bags up to the doorman. "Greg, my man," he said out of breath to the uniformed man who opened the glass doors. "Yes, Mr. Stinson?" The larger man asked, grabbing the two bags from Barney. "I can take care of those for you." Barney breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Greg," he said, slipping some cash into the doorman's pocket. "And please get Ms. Scherbatsky's bag as well," he said, motioning for Robin to hand Greg her bag.

The elevator ride up to his apartment was a comfortable silence and Robin was getting noticeably drowsy. "So I need a toothbrush and something to sleep in," she said, yawning as the door opened on his floor. He laughed as he helped her through the door. "Wow, you crashed quickly. And don't you have that stuff in your bags?" She wandered into the apartment as Greg delivered the bags to his door.

"Yeah," she said, collapsing on his couch. "But I'm afraid to unzip them – I'll never get them closed again. I had to sit on it for five minutes just to make it work for me." Barney stacked her bags next to his door. "Ha – _yeah_ you did."

She rolled her eyes again – "Toothbrush?" He made his way to the bathroom, "Right." Ten minutes later Robin was wearing one of Barney's old undershirts (he had offered her a dress shirt, but she declined, saying she wasn't putting on a show for him,) had brushed her teeth with a toothbrush Barney had magically produced from bathroom cabinet, and was snuggled on the couch with a pillow and comforter that had equally as magically appeared.

Barney walked out of the bathroom in an old t-shirt and his boxers. "Really, Robin? I'm not going to make you sleep on the couch. You get the bed tonight."

She looked up, tearing her attention from the TV wall to look at him. "Why do you TiVo Metro News One?" she asked, tilting her head.

He was too tired to come up with a creative response, so he deflected the question back to the matter at hand. "Same reason I watch your music videos – now, get off my couch."

She grumbled, "Ok." She got up made her way to the bedroom as Barney turned off the TV, then walked back over and suddenly hugged him silently. The man was startled and started to ask what she was doing, but she hushed him and he instead wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes, just enjoying the feeling of holding her.

Barney listened to her breath and felt her heart beating against his and squeezed his eyes shut, memorizing the moment. But she eventually broke the spell and backed up a few inches, and said, with her arms still around his neck, "Thank you, Barney." He looked into her eyes for a moment, lips hovering moments from hers and started to say what he had been practicing in his head for months. But she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and headed to the bedroom.

He sighed, lying down on the couch. "I set my alarm to take you to the airport," he called after her. "Ok" she responded quietly. Barney could hear the springs of his bed shift as Robin slipped under the covers. "Goodnight," he whispered, mostly to himself, and lay on his back with his arms sprawled over the edge of the couch, resigning himself to another sleepless night.

A few hours later Barney awoke from the light sleep he had finally fallen into when he heard something coming from his bedroom. He sat up, orienting himself and headed to the bedroom to see if Robin was alright. He peered through the cracked doorway to see the Metro News One star crying very quietly into the lone pillow on his bed. Barney lightly pressed the door farther open, "Robin?" he asked, concerned.

"Fine!" She said sharply, realizing he had overheard her. Her body quickly straightened as she wiped her face, still facing away from him. "I'm fine. Sorry I woke you."

Barney's heart broke, standing in the doorframe. "You don't always have to be alone, you know." He said, quietly, aching to help her. She laughed sarcastically, "You're one to talk." He raised his eyebrows in agreement and slid into the bed beside her. "I know," he agreed quietly, and wrapped his arms around her.

She started to cry again and turned to bury her face in his chest. "I'm so scared, Barney," she sobbed, her voice muffled against his t-shirt. "I know," he said again. "I am too," he whispered, and held her until they both fell asleep.

He awoke the next day alone as the bright sun shone onto his bed. "Crap, we overslept! Robin!" He called out for the woman, assuming she was in the bathroom. He stretched his arms and looked over his shoulder to the clock on the wall when his right arm hit something hard on the bed next to him.

He picked up the videotape labeled " 'Sandcastles in the Sand' Music Video – Make it Sparkle Album" and read the Post-It note scrawled on the front. "Didn't want to make you late to your big meeting, so I'm taking a cab to the airport. Thanks for letting me crash here. I'll miss you. Love, Robin Sparkles"

Barney sighed, standing and running his hand through his hair and glanced at the clock. 8:30 a.m. Robin was in the air by now, and his meeting with the North Koreans was in 2 hours. He called the office and said he was sick and couldn't come in.

He loaded the videotape into his tape player and pulled up his TiVo'd episodes of Metro News One, then programmed his international TiVo to record Robin's Japan newscasts. Climbing back into bed, Barney pulled the blinds closed and turned off his iPhone. He didn't feel like suiting up today.

**Part Three**

Lily and Marshall ran through the airport. "Sorry! Sorry!" Lily apologized to people wandering LaGuardia, running past them briskly. "Outta my way!" Marshall thundered, rushing past Lily and playing the role of football player, barreling over anyone in his path. "We can make it, babe! I know it!" He reached back and grabbed his wife's hand, practically dragging her along the ground. "Her gate's the next one up here on the ri-" Marshall's words and feet came to a halting stop when he and Lily reached Robin's gate.

An airport employee was closing the door to the gate and pulling down the lock lever. She brushed her hands off and returned to the computer at the desk. A few moments later, the screen behind her head that had said "Flight 1802 to Japan, 7:45 a.m." cleared and said in bold, unforgiving letters "FLIGHT 1802 BOARDED, OUT OF GATE"

Lily and Marshall looked at each other in sadness and Lily bit her bottom lip. "I can't believe we missed seeing Robin off!" Lily cried to her husband, tears swelling up in her eyes. "We missed her." She started sniffling and her husband encircled her in a bear hug. "I'm the only girl now," Lily whined into his shirt.

Marshall was equally distraught as he guided his wife to a nearby empty chair. "Yeah. We completely blew it… We lost both the apartment _and _Robin."

_Flashback to the night before:_

"Baby, this might be the last time we do that in here." Marshall smiled at Lily as she sat up from the kitchen floor and combed through her messy hair with her fingers. "I know. The end of an era," she agreed, patting the kitchen tile floor lovingly. "But just think about all the fun we're gonna have breaking the new apartment in," she smiled. Marshall just laughed and helped her up.

"Speaking of, I was thinking we should go check out the apartment tonight – you know, see what the neighborhood's like at night, what the view is, where the moonlight comes through the windows…" He said suggestively, raising an eyebrow and peering down at his partner in crime. She smirked, "Totally."

A brisk cab ride later, Lily waited on the stoop of their new apartment as Marshall tipped their driver. He walked up to her, his face puzzled, "Why are you waiting?" "You have the keys, dummy," she laughed at him, turning to face the door and waiting for him to open it.

"Uh, no I don't. I thought _you_ brought them." They faced each other. "Well, I thought you brought them!" She exclaimed. "Dammit," Lily muttered, shaking the door handle in vain. "I don't feel like going all the way back home to get the key and come back tonight. And I was really looking forward to breaking this kitchen in…"

She slouched her shoulders as she thought about the boring evening that awaited her back at Ted's apartment. "I know, baby, me too." Marshall sympathized. Then a broad smile spread across his face. "Of course…" He circled the apartment building and peered up to their new apartment's balcony. "This is _our_ apartment now…" Lily looked at him questioningly from the stairs, "Well, yeah."

"So…" Marshall stated, dragging a trash can from the curb over to the side of the building and flipping it over, "So if we broke in, it's not a crime… I mean, it's _our_ apartment, after all. We can't get in trouble for breaking into our own apartment, right?"

A mischievous smile crossed Lily's face as she watched her husband struggle to pull himself up onto a second floor balcony. "Right!" Marshall's grip slipped and he momentarily cried out. "Be careful, baby!" Lily exclaimed, putting her hands to her mouth, her eyes growing wide. "It's fine," he grunted, collecting his nerve and pulling himself all the way onto the balcony. "Just one more floor up, and we're golden!"

Fifteen minutes later, a scraped, sweaty Marshall proudly let Lily into their new apartment. She scanned the room and gasped at the sight of a broken window. "It was totally worth it!" He boasted, strutting around the apartment. "I am, as Barney would say, awesome."

Lily raised her eyebrows as Marshall motioned towards the kitchen. "Well… Shall we?"

******

Lily and Marshall were interrupted by the noise of footsteps in their living room. Screaming Lily jumped up, adjusting her pants and fixing her hair. "Marshall! Someone's here!" Marshall jumped up as well, grabbing the spray nozzle on the sink and pointing it towards the front door. "Take one more step and I'll shoot!" He threatened, hand ready on the faucet.

"Sir, if _you _take one more step, then _I'll _shoot," said a calm, slightly humored female voice on the other side of the room. Marshall lowered the nozzle in confusion as Lily continued to hide behind him.

Suddenly their living room light flickered on, illuminating the couples' real estate agent and a police woman with her hand resting lightly on the gun settled in her hip holster.

"Hello, Mr. Ericson. Are we interrupting something?" The real estate agent asked, smirking. Marshall looked down to zip up his fly then pointed an accusing finger at the agent. "As a matter of fact, yes! This is _our_ apartment, m'am, and we legally have the right to be here!" Marshall started waving his arms, his voice growing in volume and strength. Lily widened her eyes – he was about to lawyer the real estate agent.

Sensing her impending doom, the real estate agent stopped him. "Mr. Ericson, as a matter of fact, the deal is not actually closed yet. This is not legally you're apartment." Marshall stopped, his hands dropping to his sides. "Wha –what?" "Yes, I told you when you signed the papers last week that we had to wait two weeks for the deal to go through the proper channels." She stepped towards the wall and started examining the shattered window. "The apartment _would _have been yours next Wednesday."

Lily spoke up, rushing to her husband's side. "Would have been ours? What do you mean?" The agent glanced at the cop and back at the couple, "Well, we have other offers out on this apartment but you signed the papers first, so you claimed the apartment. But, we have a clause saying that any damage incurred during the transition period by the future owners is their fault and effectively eliminates them from purchasing the apartment."

Marshall and Lily exchanged uneasy looks. "So, you're saying we don't get the apartment because I broke the window?" Marshall asked at the same time that Lily exclaimed "But the window was broken when we got here!" She poked her husband in the side as the cop stepped forward. "Mr. and Mrs. Ericson, is it?" Lily tried to correct her but Marshall just nodded and let the cop continue. "I was called here when the security company alerted your real estate agent. I'm afraid I'm going to have to escort you from the premises."

"What?!?!" Marshall protested. "But it's _our_ apartment!" He yelled over his shoulder as the cop firmly gripped both him and his wife on the shoulders and walked them toward the door. "No it's not, Mr. Ericson. I'll send you a bill for the window," she called after him.

Marshall and Lily looked at one another as the cop slammed the door shut behind them. The sun was just beginning to rise. "Well, the damn floor was slanted anyway," Lily muttered. They walked back home and crashed as soon as they walked in the door. It had been a long night.

_Flashback to present:_

"I can't believe we overslept!" Lily cried into her husband's shirt, still tired from the stress and events of the night before. "I know, I know," he said, patting her back. "Well, in our defense, it was a very stressful night," he said, trying to justify their complete failure as friends. "Hey! Where's Ted?!" Marshall sat up and looked around. "And Barney?" Lily looked around as well – both puzzled not to see the rest of their little family.

"Do you think they already left?" Lily wondered aloud, searching the room. "I guess so…" Marshall pulled out his phone and dialed Ted – "Hey, buddy, listen, where are you? We completely missed Robin's flight so we were hoping maybe we could meet up with you and Barney for coffee. Are you still in the airport?"

Marshall's face fell. "Oh… ok, I got it. Yeah, bye." He hung up and turned to Lily. "He didn't come," he said delicately, afraid to set Lily over the edge. "He and Stella were up all night talking about 'them,' and he said Stella wouldn't let him leave to go see his 'ex-girlfriend'…" Marshall air-quoted those last words then tucked his phone back in his pocket, looking back up at his wife. "He said the engagement's off." Lily just stared. "They're still dating but he said Stella wasn't ready to be that committed yet."

"Oh… wow." Lily responded somberly. "Well, that's not really a good sign." Marshall sighed. "Nope." "Well, wait, call Barney – maybe he's still here," Lily grabbed her husband's hand and pulled the cell back out of his pocket. "Oh, good idea."

Marshall dialed Barney only to go straight to his voicemail. "Hi, this is Barney Stinson. I'm awesome. Don't bother leaving a message, I won't call you back." Marshall hung up in frustration. "Nothing?" Lily asked incredulously. "But he _always_ has his phone." She furrowed her brow, "No _way_ would he have missed saying goodbye to Robin," she said under her breath. "Why?" asked her husband, surprised. "I mean, I know he's our friend and everything, but really Barney's friendship loyalty only extends as far as he needs it to."

"Hey, that's not fair – he loves you and Ted!" She defended the womanizer, having seen a softer side of him… and changing the subject. "So, coffee?"

"Yeah," said her husband, slowly standing and grabbing her hand. "I can't believe no one was here to say goodbye to Robin," Lily said disappointed, following close behind.

******

"Hey, have you talked to Barney today?" Lily asked Ted that night when they all slid into their booth at MacLaren's. "I'm kind of worried about him."

Ted looked at her questioningly, "Why?" She stumbled over her words, afraid to reveal too much, "Well, you know, we were supposed to see him this morning to see Robin off and he didn't show up… And he hasn't picked up his phone all day… Hey, these are pretty good!" She said, throwing some of the bar nuts into her mouth.

"Whatever. I'm sure he's fine – he's Barney." Barney took a sip of his beer. "I feel so bad none of us said goodbye to Robin, you guys. We are horrible, horrible friends." Lily nodded in agreement, "I know! And at least you have an excuse! Marshall and I just overslept!" Marshall nodded, drinking his beer. "We tried to call her to apologize, but she's still in transit, I guess – she didn't pick up."

"Anyway, we went to her apartment this afternoon," Lily said as she reached down to pick up some of the boxes sitting next to her on the floor, "To clean up, and I'm passing this along – Robin left us all boxes of stuff she couldn't bring with her." She passed the smallest one, labeled T, across the table to Ted, who looked at it nervously. "She said it wasn't a big deal or anything," Lily hurriedly explained. "She made one for all of us."

Ted looked a little bit more comfortable. "Ok. Still, maybe I should leave the stuff, whatever it is, at our apartment, here… Stella's still a little sensitive about the Robin issue." Marshall nodded understandably. "Which is ridiculous," laughed Ted, and continued to drink his beer. "Shall we?" He drained the last few sips and the three of them made their way up to the apartment. Lily picked up the box labeled B and walked toward the bar. "Carl?" She called after the bartender. "Can you give this to Barney next time you see him?" She handed him the box and Carl nodded, putting it under the bar. "Sure thing, Lily."

******

The following night Lily walked into the bar to find Barney, suited up, at the bar with his tongue down the throat of a tall brunette. Marshall and Ted were already sitting at their table, but Lily was so relieved to see Barney that she ran up to him, mid-makeout, and gave him a big hug. "Uh…." He stuttered, glancing down at her horrified, as the woman he had just been making out with backed away. "Is this your girlfriend?" She asked, pointing at Lily who had now backed away and was staring at Barney expectantly. "NO!" Barney insisted, shoving Lily aside and leaning back towards the brunette. "No, baby, no… You know you're the only one for me…" He winked at her as she smiled and leaned forward to resume their kissing when Lily pointedly stuck herself between both of them and leaned over the bar, "Hey Carl!" She called, "Didn't you have something to give Barney?"

"Oh, right," he said, wiping his hands off on the towel around his waist, grabbing the box, and placing it on the counter beside Barney. "Here ya go, Barney." Barney's mouth, which had been hanging open in astonishment of Lily's interruption, suddenly snapped shut at seeing the familiar box now sitting next to his elbow. He stared at it silently for a moment and Lily thought she could see a momentary break of sadness in his cool exterior, before he straightened his tie, winked at the brunette still standing in front of him and said casually, "Oh, thanks for hanging on to that for me, Carl. Lil, could you grab it for me? I'm a little preoccupied at the moment." And with that, he handed the box to Lily and resumed his make-out session.

Frustrated, Lily grabbed the box off the counter and made her way to their booth. "Sure, Barney," she mumbled, slamming the box down on the seat next to her.

As the night wore on, Marshall, Ted, and Lily watched in amazement as Barney took control of MacLaren's in a way they'd never witnessed before. He had, at Ted's count, gotten numbers from 13 girls in 2 hours, 9 of whom he managed to make-out with at the bar. Marshall claimed he had used a different pick-up line on every girl, but Ted disagreed, saying Barney had used the "$100 says when you turn around…" line twice. Lily observed that he was wearing a new suit, tie, and shoes, and had just gotten a new haircut and dye job. They also collectively observed that every single one of the women he was hitting on that night was brunette.

"What up, losers?!" Barney asked when he finally collapsed into the bar, exhausted and slightly tipsy. "What is going on, Barney?!" Asked Marshall, astonished. "You just made out with nearly every female in the bar." Barney just smiled and took a sip of his scotch. "And you bought drinks for nearly all of them – how much money have you spent on alcohol tonight?" Ted continued, and Barney just continued to smile. "And _why_ have you not gone home with any of them?" Lily inquired, hoping to get an actual answer. "Thrill of the chase, my friends, thrill of the chase," Barney replied. "I am on a quest," he stated proudly, "to get as many numbers as possible in one night. It's going to be legen – wait for it," he paused as he drained his glass, "… dary!"

Marshall and Ted just laughed and went back to discussing the pinball machine Marshall wanted to buy for the apartment – when Lily and Marshall had told Ted they wouldn't actually be moving out, the boys had been so excited they immediately began making plans to celebrate the fact that everything _didn't_ have to change. Lily remained attentive on Barney, concerned, "Hey, Barney?" She asked quietly. "Hm?" He asked, still looking at his glass. "Why were you hitting on only brunettes tonight?" He looked up, his face hardening, "Part of the challenge. Did you know brunettes are 83% less likely to give out their number than blondes? True story." At that, he stood and began eying a new group of women who had just walked in. "Now, if you could give me that box, I'll be heading out. I see a Bachelorette party making it's way into my life…" He kept his eyes on the crowd, winking at the brunette with a "Bride-to-Be" sash draped across her very large chest. "The box?" He asked expectantly, sticking his hands out. Lily placed it in his arms, sighing, and he walked over to the crowd, box firmly in hand. "Hello, ladies…."


	2. B

Barney stood facing the bar in his apartment, looking at the box that had been sitting there for 2 weeks. He hadn't opened it, he had just passed it on his way to work and back on his way to bed.

He had not called Robin since she left. Nor had he e-mailed her. And after his 24 hour break from awesome the day she left, in which he did nothing but lay in bed and watch her newscasts and music video over and over, he had not watched her on TV. He hadn't even turned on the TV, for fear of being tempted.

He didn't want to think about her. Barney was convinced that if he made out with enough women (he hadn't slept with anyone since she'd left) and spent as little time as possible thinking about her, he would be cured of these damned feelings and he could slide back into his previous life, his awesome life, his life the way it was before robin had cried on his shoulder and ruined everything.

Thus, the box had remained sitting in his apartment, untouched. Until now.

_Flashback to earlier that night_:

"So what did Robin leave for you guys?" Ted asked Lily and Marshall as they all sat around their booth at MacLaren's. "She just gave me mostly CDs and shirts and stuff she found at her place that were leftover from when we were dating," he commented, taking a sip of beer. Lily and Marshall smiled at one another, "Just little trinkets from her old apartment," Lily said. "Yeah, just a blanket that I had once said I really liked, a lampshade we bought together at a street sale, a bead curtain…" She trailed off, "Just… Stuff like that." She and Marshall kept smiling broadly at one another as Lily spoke.

"Um… You guys? What's the big secret?" Barney looked inquisitive. "Why are you being so mysterious about the stuff Robin gave you?" Lily looked from her husband to the guys seated at the table across from her and back to Marshall. They were both quiet for a moment, clearly having some sort of telepathic conversation, before Marshall nodded and turned to face Ted and Barney. "You guys," he said excitedly, grabbing Lily's hand, "We have an announcement to make."

Barney held out his hand to Ted. "$500, please. Pay up." Ted looked at him with eyes wide, "What? What are you talking about?" Barney dropped his hand on the bar and sighed, clearly frustrated. "Ted – I bet you Lily would get pregnant within the first two years of marriage. And I was, of course, right. I win. 500 bucks! Pay up!" He raised his hand back up and shoved it in Ted's face. "Gimme!"

Ted was about to reply in protest but Marshall cut him off. "Wait! You guys, Lily's _not_ preg- " he broke off when a look of terror suddenly struck his face. He turned to look at his wife. "You're not, are you?" She shook her head hard, "No, no, no, no. NO!" Relief swept Marshall's face as he resumed his conversation. "Good. No. Lily's not pregnant. And we're going to ignore the fact that you guys are jerks and making bets on our children because this announcement is huge."

Ted and Barney, who had been exchanging angry looks, now gave Marshall their full attention. "What's up?"

"Well," Marshall said, building the anticipation as much as he could, "You guys know how we kinda got kicked out of the deal with our slanted apartment?" Barney nodded. "You mean how you almost got arrested for breaking into an apartment and getting it on on the kitchen floor? Yeah." He nodded in understanding, then raised his glass with a wink at Marshall. "Take it from me, if you're going to break into an apartment for sex, at least use the bed."

Marshall ignored him and continued, "Well, we still wanted our own place and we realized that we needed to find someplace cheaper, and I've never been completely sold on the idea of raising a kid in Manhattan," Lily grumbled something under her breath as Marshall continued, "So… When Robin gave us her box of stuff and we saw all these beautiful things she wanted us to use to decorate our new apartment, it reminded us of Robin's apartment…"

Barney sat up a little straighter, anticipating what was coming. "So… We bought Robin's old place!" Lily joined her husband for the announcement, both smiling at Ted and Barney in unison. "Wow! That's perfect!" Said Ted, proud of his roommates. "That's… Actually," realization dawning on him, "That's brilliant. Why didn't we think of that before?" "I know, right!" Marshall agreed, nodding fiercely. "It's perfect! We already know the neighborhood, it's in a nice area, it's not directly in the heart of the city so I feel like I can breath at least," he was cut off by his wife whose chipper voice added, "And you guys already know how to get there and visit there all the time, too, so it's perfect!"

Ted nodded in agreement. "Definitely! Oh, this is great you guys!" Lily and Marshall both smiled broadly. "We know! We started moving stuff today while you were at work, and we already put up the stuff Robin gave us – kind of a reminder of her, you know?" Lily added, glancing at Barney who was nodding along with Ted but directing his attention to his iPhone. "Do you guys wanna go see it? We've already figured out where everything's going to go – we can map it out for you!" Ted and Marshall stood up and finished their beers. "Sure! We can go to that bar Robin was always raving about – it was like, two blocks _west_ of her apartment… Or was it _east_…" Ted furrowed his brow, trailing off.

"It's _north_, actually, but nice try, Ted," Barney said, putting his phone in his pocket and standing, "Uh, you guys, I'm not going to be able to make it tonight," he said and took a final swill of his martini. "Thanks for the invite, but I've got plans…" He quickly scanned the bar and nodded towards a blonde standing by the jukebox, "With _that_ girl."

Lily sighed as Ted and Marshall walked to the door, "Barney, do you even know her?" He laughed and placed the glass carefully on the table. "No, but she's about to know me," he said, winking at Lily.

"Whatever," she said, walking towards the door. "But don't think you can use excuses like that every time we ask you to visit our place." She called back at him, knowingly. "Well, excuse me, but in my opinion, it's not _your_ place, Lily," he responded angrily.

He waited for her to leave the bar before he ordered another drink from Carl, finished it alone at the bar, then made his way back home.

_Flashback to the present:_

So here he was, knife in hand, ready to slice open the packing tape and reach inside the box.

"Damn you, Scherbatsky," he said under his breath as he reached for the box. "It's just a box full of crap, why am I making this into such a big deal…" He sliced through the tape and pried open the two flaps on the top of the box, ripping the identifying 'B' scrawled across the top in half.

He held his breath as he peered into the box, then let it out slowly. He didn't know what he had expected, but he had obviously over-thought this whole thing. It was, as Ted and Lily had discovered with their boxes, just a box of old stuff one wouldn't really bring with them when moving to a new apartment. "New country," Barney corrected himself aloud, wincing.

He reached in and pulled out the first, most immediately appealing item, a bottle of scotch, mostly full. Barney couldn't tell if this was the same scotch she had offered him when he came over to play Battleship, but a glance at the year printed on the label told him it was good. "Very nice, Sparkles… Very nice," he muttered under his breath, placing the bottle carefully on the counter and removing the next few items.

A couple CDs, a few premium cigars, a few books he recognized from her coffee table that he had remarked "looked interesting," and a smaller, bright pink box covered in glitter. "What the hell?" Barney wondered aloud, pulling it out and using the attached key to open the heart-shaped lock. "Met you at the maaallll…." Sang an all-too familiar voice as he opened the box, which, it quickly became apparent, was a Robin Sparkles music box, complete with small dancing plastic Robin Sparkles figurine.

Barney laughed aloud for the first time since her departure, smiling broadly as he pulled out a "Welcome to the Robin Sparkles' Official Fan Club" letter, collection of jelly bracelets, temporary tattoos, and "Make it Sparkle" CD. "This is great, Scherbatsky," he said aloud again, reading a post-it note attached to the front of the CD that read, "I've been hanging onto this for years for no reason… Figured I'd give it to the only real Robin Sparkles fan still out there." He shook his head in astonishment as he carefully closed the box and placed it next to the growing pile on the counter. She had no idea _how _big of a fan…

A handful of crumpled laser tag coupons and a traveling size edition of Battleship later, Barney pulled the last thing out of the box – what appeared to be a folded sheet. "Wha-" he wondered aloud, grasping the ends and shaking it out. An envelope labeled "For Barney's Eyes Only" fell on the floor, and Barney discovered he was holding two pillow cases. He squinted and reached for the note pinned to one of the pillowcase that read, "I remember you said you liked the pillowcases. And I'm buying new sheets in Japan and didn't want to throw this away, so I thought you could stock up for the day that you _do _ meet a woman you want to buy a second pillow for."

Barney face fell as he somberly folded the pillowcases back up and set them on the counter, reaching down to pick up the envelope, and making his way to the couch. "What does she mean by _that_?" He asked himself. Yes, he had commented he liked the pillowcases, they were silk, but that was just part of his awkward morning-after chit-chat. Was she taunting him? Bringing their... night… up to make him uncomfortable? Playing with him? Or just being oblivious, we're-just-friends, wingman Robin?

Barney sighed with combined frustration and annoyance and collapsed on the couch. Running one hand through his hair, he said to himself, "Now what do we have here, Robin?" eying the envelope suspiciously. It was thick, like it held a… "NO WAY," he breathed heavily. Pictures. This felt like an envelope full of pictures. And pictures that said "For Barney's Eye's Only…" could only mean… "NO… WAY." He said, ripping open the envelope.

Sure enough, he was staring at the back of a photograph. "OH. MY. GOD." He said loudly as he read Robin's scrawl on the back, "Are you alone, hot stuff?" He grabbed the photo and flipped it over to reveal… A smiling picture of him and Robin at the bar, taken the night Lily had gotten Marshall a new camera for their anniversary. "Ugh!" He groaned loudly and slouched back in his couch as he read the post-it note stuck to the front of the picture that read "Gotcha!"

"Really, Robin, really?" He addressed his pleading to the ceiling. "All that build-up, and not ONE naked picture? Really?" He pulled out what appeared to be a stack of index cards from the envelope. "Mean." He declared decidedly, crumbling the envelope up in his hand and letting it drop to the ground.

He carefully placed the picture on the coffee table and directed his attention to the stack of index cards in his hand. "Now, what's this?" He asked warily of the last item in his box. There appeared to be about 15 index cards, all hole-punched on the side and connected with a string running through each, tying them all together to form a make-shift book. He lifted the first card to reveal a final post-it covering the title of the book. "I made this for your birthday, but lost the nerve to give it to you. I was saving it for Christmas, but I won't be here, so I figured it's the thought that counts. Now you can use it for your many conquests…" Barney tilted his head, confused, as he pulled off the post-it note to reveal Robin's hand-written title, "Coupon Book of Sexual Favors."

Barney actually stood up, shocked. "NO WAY!" He shouted as he flipped through the pages to read pages of things he had actually done with Robin and pages of naughty things he was shocked and a little proud of Robin for even knowing existed. "She was going to _give_ this to me?" He asked aloud, again, at this point used to hearing his own voice echo off the walls. "My birthday, my birthday…" He muttered, doing the math in his head, "She's been wanting to hook up with me again for… FIVE MONTHS? And she did nothing about it?!?!" He started pacing the room, his hands still firmly wrapped around the book. "And _I_ did nothing about it?!?" He yelled, waving his arms in the air. He stopped pacing to look at himself in a nearby full-length mirror. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Stinson." He admonished his reflection.

After about ten minutes of pacing, kicking and yelling at himself, Barney finally collapsed again on the couch with a bottle of scotch. "Robin's scotch," he thought to himself.

"I'm going to have to do something about this," he said resolutely, grabbing his iPhone and pulling up Robin's number. "If she's wanted the Barnacle for five months and hasn't said anything… I can't just not do anything." He pressed 'call.' "Screw the time difference," he declared as the line began to ring.

"He… Uh, Hello?" A drowsy Robin answered, her voice echoing over the distance. Barney took a deep breath, one final gulp of (delicious) scotch and squeezed his eyes shut. "Hey, Robin."

**Part Five**

_A/N: So I've been thinking about how exactly I want this story to fit in with the actual story line of television series and I've decided they're going to be sort of parallels. My story will follow the show in terms of major events that have happened (SPOILERS!! Ex: Ted and Stella breaking up, Robin moving back home, etc., just in different ways). So the relationships the characters have with one another follow the way they're portrayed in the show – which is why Barney and Robin aren't, you know, living together and madly in love by now. I'm progressing as the show progresses (for now)…_

"Yeah?!" A hazy, detached voice responded on the other end of the line. "Who… Barney?" Robin mumbled, confused into the phone. Barney took a big gulp of air, opening his eyes and taking a deep breath. "Hey, Robin…" He repeated his voice a little higher than usual in his anxiousness. "So sorry to wake you," he started, setting his empty glass on the table and standing, shoving his free hand in his pocket. He walked over and leaned against the bar in his apartment, in an attempt to feel casual.

"Just wanted to give you a ca-" he was cut off. "Barney! Hey!" Robin's voice was suddenly so loud that Barney had to pull the phone away from his ear. "Oh my God, Barney! Hey! Things are great! Life is great! My job is wonderful, I'm so happy, I'm so…" Robin's sudden burst of enthusiasm ended just as suddenly as she trailed off into a sob. "Robin?" Asked Barney, confused. "Are you ok? What's going on?"

"I just…" she started, stumbling over her words. "I don't know, Barney." Barney's eyes grew wide. "What's wrong? Are you drunk, Scherbatsky?" He heard no response. "Robin?" He asked again, as he heard her put down the phone and continue to sob quietly. "Listen, Robin, you can't nod when you're on the phone. You have to use words." Robin picked up the phone again and took a deep breath. "No, I'm not… entirely drunk. Sorry… I'm so sorry, Barney, I really am."

Barney, at this point, was thoroughly confused, and perched on the edge of his barstool, one leg hooked on the rods connecting the legs. "Scherbatsky!" He commanded. If he was going to make any sense of semi-drunk, half-a-world-away Robin, he'd have to take control of this situation. "Robin! Listen to me." He was starting to get concerned something serious had happened – he'd seen Robin tipsy plenty of times, even drunk a few times. But he'd only seen her cry twice. The night before she left she had admitted miserably that she'd only cried three times since she graduated from high school, and he'd seen two of those times.

Robin sniffled on the end of the line. "Robin! Are you there?" "Yes," she responded quietly. "Is there anything seriously wrong? Are you hurt? Are you safe right now?" She responded, "No, I'm ok," and he released the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "It's gotta be," he glanced at his watch, "Almost noon, your time. Why are you drinking?"

"I do the late-night news, so my 9-5 is really, like, 10 pm to 6 am," she explained. "So noon is like my 10 pm." Barney just squinted a bit, not buying it. "Uh-huh," he said slowly. "Don't worry, it makes sense to me," she responded. "But I'm allowed to be drinking right now." He nodded, slowly, "O-kaay…" Still not buying it. "So why are you crying?"

Robin's end of the line got silent. "I…" She started hesitantly. "What's wrong, Robin?" Barney asked. He wished he could be there with her. "I… Barney, I hate it here. I quit my job this morning. I wasn't doing anything better than I was at Metro News One. It was worse, if anything." Her words began to pick up speed. "I don't know ANYONE here, the men are too short for me, the food's horrible, I don't know the language, and I miss home!" She concluded quickly. "I'm homesick! And I hate that! I thought I was going to be so adventurous and free and…" Barney smiled crookedly, "Yeah." "And… and I'm just not those things." Robin admitted, sighing. "I think I'm not as independent as I thought I was. And to make matters worse, I'm now jobless and want to come back to New York."

Barney's smile grew big. "Are you sure, Scherbatsky?" He tried not to make his excitement obvious. "Yeah, but I can't stand to face everyone. They'll know I'm such a failure."

"Hey! You and I both know that's not true. Robin… You moved to _Tokyo_," Barney insisted, intent on proving just how awesome she really was. "_Tokyo_. All the way around the world. To be a news anchor. That's huge!" He stood up, motioning with his arms as he continued to build her up, realizing her crying had stopped. "Think about that! The biggest chance Marshall and Lily will take involves a new brand of cereal, Ted's so afraid of going into the future alone that he practically proposes to every girl he meets! But you moved to Tokyo!"

"Yeah… I guess so," Robin conceded, unconvinced. "I've already told you you're the second most Awesome person I know," Barney continued, "I'm not going to say it again."

Robin sighed and Barney thought he could hear the hint of a laugh on her end. "Fine. Sorry if I freaked you out. You just called me in the middle of a slight panic attack." Barney smiled; proud he had helped her feel better. "I'm glad I did. I don't want you to sit around drinking alone… I mean, I should at least be there," he continued, unable to resist. "I wouldn't have any problem taking care of a drunk Robin Scherbatsky," he flirted. "Speaking of… I could come get you," he thought out loud.

"Huh?" Robin sounded confused, "Why would you do that?" "Well, I've got some business to attend to over in Tokyo, anyway. I could just bump up my meetings to this week," he offered, "So I could bring you home." "Wait – you're offering to come pick me up because I'm not happy?" Robin was astonished. "You sound like my dad when I would call from sleep-away camp." Barney laughed, "Well, little Miss Scherbatsky, I wouldn't mind hearing you call me Daddy…"

"Whatever…" Robin clearly was distracted, "So… What do I do now? I'm not going to make you come pick me up. I don't have a job. I want to come home. But I don't have a job in New York. Or an apartment, for that matter." She sighed, "Man, I really screwed up, didn't I?"

"Not even a little bit!" Barney insisted as he walked briskly to his computer and flicked it on. He pulled up airline flight information as he continued talking to her. "You just didn't realize what you wanted until you didn't have it anymore. So that's good!"

Robin was silent again on the end of the line. "You still there? Hello?" Barney looked at his phone and starting shaking it "Damn overseas lines…" He muttered. "Yeah, I'm still here," she spoke up. "I was just thinking about that… That last thing you said. You're right."

Barney nodded, oblivious to the undertone of Robin's comment. "I know. I'm always right. Now, PACK UP!" He said, commanding her attention once more. "What are you talking about?" She asked, "Are _you_ drunk, Barney?"

"Nope," he said, making a few final clicks with the mouse. "Although I _did_ have some of that scotch you left me," he commented, suddenly freezing. He hadn't brought up the box of stuff Robin had left. He heard sharp intake of breath on the other end. "And…?" She prompted, sounding nervous. "And… it is really, really delicious. Great year. Thanks, Scherbatsky." He figured, given her already perilous emotional state, he shouldn't bring up the other contents of the box. "I haven't really looked at the rest of the stuff yet, I saw the scotch and was pretty much sold," he continued as he pulled a freshly-printed sheet of paper out of the printer. "But I'll get to exploring the rest of the box soon – thanks, by the way."

Barney wasn't sure if Robin sounded relieved or disappointed when she said, "Oh yeah, sure… No problem. Glad you like it."

"I did," Barney affirmed, trying to move past the subject. All the courageous feelings he had felt when he first dialed Robin had been changed to concern as soon as he heard her crying. They could talk about all that 'stuff' later. Right now, he wanted to take care of her. "So, once again I say, PACK UP!"

Robin giggled, "Barney, what are you talking about? I've got to start job hunting tomorrow so I can afford a place in New York. I blew all my savings on the place I'm staying in over here!" Her voice started to slip back into panic mode, which Barney quickly deflected. "Yeah, don't worry about that. Listen," he said, reading the paper he had just printed out, "You have a flight tomorrow morning at 9 am, your time. Direct from Tokyo to LaGuardia. Pick the ticket up at the gate under the last name Scherbatsky."

"Wha-" he interrupted her astonished cry, "Start packing up now. You can ship most of those boxes back tonight, once you sober up. I bet you haven't even unpacked half of them." The silence on the other end confirmed his suspicion. "And if you want to bring extra bags on the flight, just charge it to the card that bought the tickets."

"Barney," Robin said, hesitating. "Are.. Are you sure about this? I mean, a direct flight with 24-hours notice has got to be expensive." Barney laughed, waving his arm in dismissal, "Please." He didn't bother mentioning it was first class. "Listen, you can even ship your stuff to your old apartment – Oh… By the way," Barney said, wincing. He wasn't sure how Robin would take this news now that she was moving back, "Uh… The married couple bought your old place. So they live there now."

Robin was silent for a moment, then responded simply, "Oh. Well, I guess I'll just have to crash on their coach until I find a place. Or Ted's…" She trailed off, leaving her thought open ended. "Or mine," he supplied. "You know, you could just couch hop for a little while." He stuttered, not wanting to make his desire obvious. "I mean, I do have some nice new pillowcases now, courtesy of you, so I could buy you another pillow on the bed and you could sleep in pure, unadulterated, 1500 thread count, Egyptian cotton luxury."

She remained silent. He took it as a sign of her uncertainty, so he continued rambling, "I would, of course, take the couch, um, like I did last time." She stayed silent. "Well, for _most_ of last time," he conceded. Still silent. "I mean, I'm not saying that would happen again, I mean, unless you _wanted_ it to happen again," his face got red as he became more and more panicked. "Which I'm not saying you _would_, I –I, I'm not saying I would, either, um…" Silence. His voice reached the pitch of a twelve-year-old girls', "I'm not saying I would sleep with you," he stumbled again, "I mean, geez, not _sleep with you_, sleep with you, just, you know, sleep next to…" He trailed off and fell onto the couch, giving up. "Anyway…" He said, trying to summon up any piece of dignity he had left, "Uh... You could crash here, if you needed, for a while."

Robin finally spoke, very quietly. "I thought you said you hadn't looked at anything else in the box." Barney froze. "I didn't," he insisted, sticking to his lie. "But you just said you had the pillowcases. And that you would buy me another pillow for your bed," she coolly replied.

Barney didn't breath or blink as he stared, disbelieving, down at his feet. "Well… See you soon, Scherbatsky! You call Lily and tell her you're coming for a visit. Ok, bye, great, thanks, bye!" Barney hurriedly hung up, then threw his phone across the room.

"Well, _that_ went well," he said sarcastically to himself as he poured himself another glass of scotch with shaky hands. He spent the rest of the night sitting at the bar, silently staring out of his window.

******

The next night at the bar the gang prepared to welcome Robin back. "Ok, her flight gets in at 11:20 tonight," Lily said, mapping out the game plan on the bar's table. "Which means we have an hour and a half to get everything together for her welcome party and get to the airport."

Barney slid into the booth next to Ted, throwing a pretzel into his mouth. "Welcome party? For who?" Marshall looked up from Lily's hastily-written schedule on a cocktail napkin. "Robin! She's coming back to visit for the weekend! She called Lily this morning!"

Barney raised his eyebrows in surprise, "Scherbatsky's back already? Wow." He took a sip of beer. "That didn't last long."

Ted nodded, leaning forward to look at Lily. "Hey, why are we having a welcome back party for someone who's just visiting for the weekend?" Lily snapped her head up to stare Ted directly in the eyes. "Because we're horrible, horrible friends who let her fly off to Tokyo without saying goodbye."

"Wait, what?" Barney temporarily stopped eying the pretty brunette at the bar to look at Lily. "Whaddya mean, without saying goodbye?" Ted sighed in embarrassment then turned to look at Barney. "Yeah, no one was there with her at the airport to wait for her flight." Barney eyes grew wide, "What?" Marshall nodded, ashamed. "Yeah… We overslept, and Ted was with Stella."

"So Robin was just… alone? That whole time? Waiting for her flight?" Barney mumbled, taking a big drink out of his beer. Lily squinted at him curiously, "Speaking of which, we never asked_ you_ why you didn't show up that morning, Barney!" Realization dawned on Marshall and Ted, who turned to stare accusingly at the suited man. "Yeah, why weren't _you_ there?"

Barney waved his hand, dismissing them. "Please. There was a situation I couldn't get out of…" All three waited for further explanation, so Barney continued, "With handcuffs. And a yoga teacher's bed. What up?!?" He reached out to fist bump Ted, who laughed and returned the gesture.

"Fine." Lily said, disgusted. "We are all horrible people. But we're going to make it up to Robin tonight when we see her at the airport." Barney and Ted looked back at Lily in agreement. "Fair enough. What's the plan?"

"Well," Lily began, returning her attention to the napkin, "Marshall's in charge of stocking the apartment," she looked up again, "_The_ apartment upstairs," she clarified, "with tasty party food and drinks." Marshall nodded, excited to be of use. "Ted's in charge of getting a bunch of balloons – or flowers – or balloons…" She looked up at the man sitting across from her, "Whatever is most celebratory."

Ted nodded in agreement, "Or cheapest." Lily nodded, "Right. Or cheapest." She stood, folding the napkin and putting it in her pocket, "And I'll handle making a banner." Ted and Marshall stood with her, preparing to leave. "Meet at the apartment in an hour and we'll all head to the airport together. Ready, team?" Lily stuck her hand out and Ted and Marshall piled theirs on top. "And… Break!" They all said in unison, popping their hands up.

"Wait! What do I do?" Barney asked, confused. "Everyone has a job but me?" The trio paused, turning to stare at Barney, and then the men looked at Lily, equally confused. Lily looked down, sheepishly. "Oh, right… Well, since I figured you wouldn't want to do anything involving balloons," Barney nodded, "or flowers," he continued nodding, "Or banners or food or really anything warm and welcoming at all," Barney raised his eyebrows in complete agreement, waiting, "Well, we figured maybe you could pay for her hotel room." Barney rocked back on his heel for a moment as he crossed his arms, "Why? Can't she stay with one of us?"

The trio all exchanged glances. "Well, Lily and I don't have any furniture in our new place for her to sleep on yet," Marshall volunteered. "Just a bed." Ted nodded, then looked at Barney, "And Stella's really not a fan of Robin staying with me if it's just the two of us, so that's out." Lily looked from Ted to Barney, saying, "And having visited the fortress of Barnitude, I know you really, really don't like having guests over for more than one night." Barney nodded, recalling Lily's brief stint as his faux-wife.

"Plus, you're loaded," Marshall added bluntly. "So, we figured you wouldn't mind that much." Barney uncrossed his arms and walked over to hold the door open for all of them, "Fair enough," he agreed as they all filed out. "See you in an hour."

He walked briskly towards the nearest available taxi. He had a lot to do in that hour.

**Part Six**

"Welcome back!!" The gang shouted as soon as they saw Robin emerge from the gate, dragging a huge, overstuffed rolly bag behind her.

Robin, who had been slouching under the weight of a shoulder bag strapped across her chest, looked up in surprise. When she saw everyone, including Marshall and Ted holding a giant banner reading "WE MISSED YOU, ROBIN!", her eyes grew wide.

"You guys!!" She smiled broadly, and Lily thought she could see just a hint of a tear starting to form in her eyes. "You didn't have to do this! Awww…" She reached the group and dropped her bags, going through them one-by-one with big hugs. "Welcome back, Robin!" said Marshall and Lily, embracing her in a sandwich hug; "Yeah, welcome back," Ted agreed, smiling before giving her a brief, awkward hug. Robin looked at Barney, who had remained quiet and watching her with a small smile. "Hey, Barney, good to see you!" She said in an attempt to be normal. "Hey, Robin," he said, welcoming her into a tight hug. "Welcome _home_, Scherbatsky," he whispered into her ear as he held her close.

The moment was cut short when Marshall wrapped up the remaining Toblerone he had been eating (he bought one every time he was in an airport), stuck it in his pocket, and leaned over to pick up her shoulder bag. "Whoa! Robin!" He exclaimed, buckling momentarily under the weight. "You have a ton of stuff for just a weekend visit!" Lily leaned over to pull up the handle of the rolling the suitcase, but struggled to move the bag. "Oh my God!" She said in agreement. The couple looked over at Robin for an explanation.

"Uh.. Well, you know how I am!" She replied brightly, glancing momentarily at Barney, then back at the other three. "Heavy packer. Uh…" She stuttered when they all looked confused, "Plus, I have presents for everyone! From Tokyo! So… quit complaining!"

Marshall and Ted got so excited at the idea of presents that they instantly smiled, grabbed Robin's oversized bags, and turned to walk away. Lily gave Robin a quick, individual hug and a big smile. "I really am glad you're here, Robin, even if it's just for the weekend. I missed you. It's nice to have another girl around for a change, you know."

Robin kept smiling, her eyes gleaming with small tears of happiness – she had missed this. "So, to the bar?" She asked, hopeful. "To the bar!" The other four responded with resounding decisiveness. Lily ran to catch up with Marshall and Ted who were a few feet ahead, while Barney held back to walk with Robin. "So, how was your flight?" he asked casually, looking at her with his head tilted. She smiled at him broadly and wiped her eyes – she wasn't going to cry. Especially not in front of Barney, _again_. "It was good. It was really good…." She linked her arm with his in a display of contentment. "And it was first class, you know," she said. Barney just smiled. "I'm just… SO HAPPY right now," she sighed. Barney glanced down at her arm wrapped through his and took his hand out of his pocket and gently intertwined their fingers. "Yeah… I am too," he said quietly. He silently braced himself for her to protest his show of affection, but she instead surprisingly squeezed his hand. They held hands until they got to a waiting cab outside.

They all piled into the cab, Barney and Robin squeezing in close to one another but dropping hands as soon as they were within sight of the group. "So, what did ya get us???" Marshall asked excitedly from the front seat, twisting around and resuming his Toblerone feast.

"Oh, nothing big, don't get too excited," Robin said. She looked around the cab. "Just some knick-knacks. I got Lily some paint sets from Tokyo and new brushes," Lily brightened instantly, "Ted a couple books," Ted smiled appreciatively, "I actually brought some food for you, Marshall," she dropped her voice and put her finger to her lips, "Shh! Don't tell customs!" she whispered conspiratorially and smiling.

"And me?" Barney asked pointedly. "Whaddya get me? It better be good, Scherbatsky!" He spoke animatedly, bouncing up and down in his seat slightly. "Well, I actually brought you some Tokyo porn." Barney stopped bouncing and looked at her in shock, "Wait, seriously?" He laughed, "You bought me porn?" She smiled, "_Yeah_ I did! I figured you could add it to that Canadian porn you bought a while back and start an international shelf in your collection!" As the rest of the car said "Eeewwww!", Barney just continued to smile in amusement. "Robin, that is AWESOME! High-five!" She obliged with a smile.

As the cab merged into a road she recognized, she was struck with a realization. "Oh, wait! Where am I staying?" Lily looked at Barney, who nodded, then back at Robin, "Well, Barney took care of your hotel room," Robin whirled to stare at Barney, "What?!" She exclaimed. "For the weekend," he said hurriedly, widening his eyes slightly to remind her of the fact that not everyone knew she was back to stay. Lily nodded, oblivious to the undertone of Barney's comment, and continued, "So that you didn't have to worry about paying for it! I know Tokyo can be expensive. Anyway," she said as the cab pulled to the curb in front of McLaren's, "He's gonna go help you check in and we'll meet you in a bit!" Ted, Marshall, and Lily got out of the car, waving to Robin, "Well see you soon!" Lily stuck her head back through the cab window and looked at the pair still sitting in the backseat, "That plan work for you guys?" Robin nodded, still a little confused as to what was going on. Barney, who looked slightly panicked, nodded as well. "Sounds great, see you soon!"

Lily spun around and followed the guys to the bar. Despite the now vacant seat next to her, Robin remained crammed up against Barney, a choice Barney was enjoying. This was going well, he thought to himself, smiling. He leaned forward to the driver and smoothly said, "The Plaza, please," resting his arm around Robin's shoulder.

At this Robin sat up straight and slid quickly into the empty seat, creating some space between the couple. "Wait, the WHAT? You got me a room at The Plaza? Are you serious, Barney?" Her voice was calm and steady, but as she saw his smile quickly fade at her outburst, she started becoming panicked. "Why…. Why did you get me… And you paid for my tickets… And you held my hand… Wait, why are you being so nice to me Barney? I mean, really, honestly… Do you…" Her eyes grew wide as the realization dawned on her, "Do you have feel-"

Sensing a conversation quickly approaching that he'd been wanting to avoid for months, Barney quickly cut in, "Yes, I got you a suite at the Plaza. But I'm not as nice as you think I am, my company is paying for some clients from Japan to stay there for the next two weeks and I just added your name to the list. So really, my company's paying for your room." Robin relaxed slightly, "Oh." Somewhat relieved he had avoided _that_ topic, Barney continued, unsure. "_But_, if you're uncomfortable with that situation, I've got the apartment prepared for you to crash with me for a bit before you find your own place." Robin raised an eyebrow, "What do you mean, _prepared_ for me? Extra video cameras?" Barney waved off her sarcasm, "No, Robin, you know I don't mean that. Just.. I don't know what I mean." Quickly getting frustrated at his inability to finish the sentence, hell, _any _sentence, around Robin, he crossed his arms. "You know what? Stay wherever you want to stay," he said, turning to the window.

The cab pulled over to the curb in front of The Plaza. "Barney?" Robin asked tentatively, afraid to break the awkward silence. "I think… I mean… I think it would just be better if I didn't stay with you," she said and leaned over to lightly touch his arm. He turned to face her. "But I really appreciate the offer," she said sincerely. "I know how much you hate it when people crash with you, and you've done so much for me over the past few days…" She halted momentarily as Barney sighed softly, his eyes growing sad. "And I really appreciate that. But I don't want to burden you with my problems anymore," Barney opened his mouth to protest but Robin cut him off, "and I think I could just use some alone time right now to figure some stuff out, you know?" Barney nodded slightly, just a hint of disappointment in his eyes, then quietly said, "Are you ok, Scherbatsky?" She nodded in response, her lips tight, "I will be. It's just… A lot to think about. A job, a place to live… Other things…" She trailed off, looking at him quietly. He nodded in understanding, "You know you don't have to figure all of this out now…" He straightened, "Well, then, enjoy The Plaza. Get yourself a massage and order room service. My company doesn't mind the extra charges, I promise. I doubt they'll even notice."

Robin smiled as she opened the door and stepped out onto the curb. "I think I will." Unable to resist, Barney cracked a flirtatious smile, "Of course, if you _really_ want a good massage, I ca-" Robin laughed and cut him off, "Understood." She thanked the cab driver who had pulled her bags on the curb and reached for some money in her purse to tip him. "I got it, Scherbatsky," Barney insisted, waving her off. He slid over to the seat next to the window where she was standing. "See you at MacLaren's?" "You got it!" She smiled broadly. "Oh, I'm SO HAPPY to be home!" He smiled in agreement. "Hey," she started haltingly, suddenly turning serious. "Seriously, Barney, thank you. I really, really appreciate everything you've done for me." He started to say "Please" and wave her off again, but Robin leaned down to the window and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. Then suddenly she smirked and Barney could see that sparkle in her eye he had missed so much. "If you keep being this sweet I might let you use that coupon book," she whispered in his ear, then quickly stood and walked towards the hotel, dragging the suitcases behind her. Barney, both amused and please, watched her from the cab. He yelled after her, "Well, even if you don't, I still will." Robin broke out into a big smile as the doorman welcomed her inside. "Back to the bar, please," Barney told the driver, leaning back in his seat. He sighed. Robin was back…

Back at MacLaren's, Marshall and Lily were in the middle of a conversation about what colors they were going to decorate the living room when Ted interrupted. "You guys! I have something important to say!" Marshall and Lily immediately shut up and turned expectantly at Ted, surprised. Ted took a deep breath and a big swallow of his beer before he looked directly at the couple and said, "Stella and I broke up."

"WHAT!?!" Marshall and Lily exclaimed, shocked. "How?" Marshall asked at the same time Lily grabbed Ted's arm and said "When?" He waved his arms, shushing them both. "You guys, it's not a big deal. It happened last night." He hastened to explain, after seeing the couple's astonished faces, "I didn't want to say anything earlier because I didn't want to ruin the mood – tonight's about Robin, not me."

"But what happened? I thought she was The One!" Lily protested. Marshall just sat, shocked that Ted wasn't drunk, or moping, or crazy… or, well, drunk. He could notice the slightest semblance of a beard starting to grow, though. "Well, to be honest, it's kind of been ending for a while. I mean, she broke off the engagement a few weeks ago, and since then she's been really pulling away from me and not trusting me." Ted looked down into his beer and sunk back into the booth, sighing. "You know, though, I really think she was just looking for a way out."

Lily laid her hand on his and said comfortingly, "Ted, we're so sorry." Marshall joined in, "Yeah, we really are." He squeezed Ted's shoulder. "Are you ok?"

Ted nodded, "Yeah, I think so. I mean, I'm not saying I'm _not_ going to snap and go crazy one of these days, but as for right now, I'm ok." He smiled sadly at the couple and ended the topic with, "Well, at least Barney will be happy! I'm ready for a wingman!" Marshall and Lily smiled, "Yeah, he will be."

"He'll be happy about what?" Barney, once again, slid into the booth right on time to catch the part of the conversation that would interest him. He sipped his martini. Ted took a deep breath, preparing himself, and leaned forward towards Barney. "Stella and I broke up. So I need a wingman now!" Barney's eyes grew wide, placing his drink on the table, and sat up straight to offer a salute to Ted. "Ted, my boy, I would be honored." He broke into a broad smile. "This is going to be legen-wait for it!" He wrapped his arm around Ted's shoulder as they were waiting for it, and opened his mouth to dramatically end his catchphrase when he heard a chair scrape up next to him.

"Robin!" Ted exclaimed, happy to be free of Barney's grasp. "It's so great to see you back with the group!" Robin had changed and clearly showered, and seemed to be in much better spirits than she had been at the airport. "Yeah," she smiled, refreshed. "All unpacked, washed the airplane smell off me, and I'm at MacLaren's." She leaned back into the chair, pulling her fingers through her still damp hair. "As much as it sucks, life is as it should be."

Ted nodded in agreement while Lily looked on in confusion, "Wait! Why does life suck?" Robin exchanged a brief look with Barney before she straightened and made the announcement. "Ah… Right. Well, I'm not here just for the weekend." The gang waited and Barney smiled at her, encouragingly. "I uh... I quit my job in Tokyo. It was just horrible. And I'm moving back here for good. I've shipped everything back. So… The job search…" she paused, looking at Marshall and Lily, "and apartment search," she resumed, "Starts tomorrow!" Lily and Marshall exchanged a quick, nervous look that Robin interrupted by saying, "Don't worry – Barney already told me about you moving into my old place, and I think it's a great idea!" She exclaimed. Relieved, the couple joined Ted in celebrating. "Robin, that's great! We're SO EXCITED for you!" Everyone at the table stood and hugged Robin, including Barney who was doing a great job of feigning surprise. "This calls for champagne!" He declared, marching to the bar. "Great!" Robin agreed.

Catching Ted's bittersweet expression, Marshall leaned over to his best friend and said quietly, "Sorry to be celebrating, man, but it'll be alright." "Wait, what will be alright?" Robin asked, overhearing. Barney returned to the table with the champagne, followed by Wendy the Waitress holding a tray of glasses. As the suited man began pouring their glasses, Ted filled Robin in on the break-up. "Aw, Ted, I really am sorry," she said, patting him on the arm. "But if you were both unhappy, then it's for the better, I guess… You just may not know it now." Ted nodded his agreement, looking at the place on his arm where Robin's hand lingered.

Suddenly, Robin stood up. "I'm gonna run off to the bathroom," she said to the table, "I realized I haven't gone since I got off the plane." She grabbed her purse and scurried off. As soon as she was out of earshot, Ted turned to Barney. "So, as my wingman, I'm assuming it's encouraged I hook up with someone tonight? To get over Stella as quickly as possible?"

Barney smiled and raised his glass appreciatively. "YES! A toast! To Ted! Who has finally learned _something_ from me!" Ted toasted Barney's champagne and nodded in agreement. "Right. So tonight," he said, sipping a bit of his champagne, "I'm going to suit up!" Barney sets his glass down to applaud his friend. "And go hook up with Robin!" Ted continued.

Barney's clapping died down as he looked quickly at Lily, who exchanged scared glances with him. "Uh… What?" She asked, nervously keeping an eye on Barney. "Yes!" Ted exclaimed, downing the rest of his glass. "It's perfect! I don't like being single, we all know that," he explained. They all nodded in agreement. "I'm no good at it, why not hook up with Robin again? She's staying here." He started to tick off his points on his fingers. "We were good together, back when we were together, and obviously the whole world-traveling thing didn't work out… And that was one of the main reasons she wanted to break up, because we wanted different things." He refilled his glass and continued, "So, it's probable that she's realized that she doesn't really want those things, the world traveling and independence and everything, so maybe she's ready to get married and all that," he concluded, setting the bottle down. "So the best way to do that, is to kick-start it with some sex," he raised his glass in a toast to the horrified Barney. "Right, Barney?"

Lily, who had been watching Barney plummet further into misery the more Ted talked, quickly got Ted's attention, "Ted, NO!" She commanded. He was acting like a kindergartener, so she was going to treat him like one. "You can't do that to Robin! You'd just be using her, and Robin deserves way better than that."

Marshall and Barney furiously nodded in agreement. "Plus, it would just ruin the whole group vibe again, just when we had gotten it back to normal," Marshall chimed in, "Because she would realize instantly it was a mistake and be all awkward around you." Barney nodded, "Yeah, and we just got her back from Japan. Don't do this Ted." He pulled out his cell phone, "_But_, to make up for Robin, I can definitely get you laid tonight," he said, punching something into his cell phone.

Ted motioned for Barney to put away the phone as Robin returned to the table. "Thanks Barney, but don't worry about it." Ted looked at Robin, who was happily pouring herself a glass of champagne, "So, Robin," he started as Barney watched him warily, "Where did Barney put you up for…Well, I guess the weekend – you'll probably have to stay with one of us after the weekend." She nodded, "Right, well, that's true, and I hate to be a burden to any of you," but before Ted or Lily could protest, she continued, "but at least for the next few days I'm staying at a hotel on 5th." She smiled at Barney, "I don't have to figure all of this out now."

One by one, they finished their champagne and said their goodbyes. Robin headed back to the hotel alone, enjoying a nighttime stroll along her favorite parts of the city… She had missed this. As she climbed into the most comfortable bed she had ever slept in, in the most luxurious room she'd ever been in, Robin thought briefly of calling Barney to say goodnight. She fell asleep before her hand even reached the phone.

******

Robin awoke to a loud banging on the door to her suite. "Wha?" She wondered sleepily. Shuffling over to the door, Robin looked down to make sure the old t-shirt she was wearing (Barney's shirt… she _may_ have kept it after she wore it that night a few weeks ago,) was covering enough for her to answer the door. BANG BANG BANG "I'm coming!" she shouted at the door. She groggily glanced at the clock. 4:15 a.m. Who in the world…?

"Hey, Robin!" A very, very happy, suited-up Ted, said eagerly when she opened the door an inch and peered through the crack. "Ted, what are you doin-" "Listen!" He interrupted, putting a finger to Robin's lips to shush her. "Listen," he repeated, "I was thinking. About you and me. And how, now that you know, I'm not with Stella…" Robin was now completely awake, standing with her hands on her hips in the door frame, eyebrow cocked, "And you're not with anyone, and you're back from China," "Japan," Robin corrected him. "Yup, Japan, 'swadisaid, Japan, that you and me should get back together, you know?" At this last sentence, Ted grabbed Robin and attempted to kiss her.

"Ew! Ted! No!" Robin said, pushing him away and holding him at arms length. "First of all… You smell like a brewery. And second of all, that's never gonna happen!" Ted looked shocked, "Wha? But it'd be perrrrrrrr-fect!" He insisted, his voice dropping as he dropped in turn to his knees. "You don't want to go overseas anymore, right?" Robin looked down at him, her brow furrowing, "Uh, I never sai-" "So you're obviously not the career-minded international woman you said you were going to be when we broke up!"

At this, Robin looked offended and backed away "Ted! What are you talking about?" Drunk Ted barreled on, "And the women I fall in love with always move on from me… You, Stella…" He trailed off, looking off in the distance at nothing in particular. "But you know what?" He asked, snapping back to the woman standing in front of him, "You know, I think it's ok, though."

Robin opened the door all the way, letting him in, and led him to the couch. "Mm-hmm," she agreed, nodding, then made her way to the bedroom as he went on and on. "It's ok, because sometimes people are just like, _people_, ya know?" "Yeah," she agreed from her bedroom, "And you and I … We were good people, and a good couple. So since you're not in Japan, you want to get married and have babies now, right?" "Yu-" Robin started to agree before he realized what Ted had said, "Uh, no actually," she said, emerging from the bedroom in a loose-fitting dress and pair of heels. Ted looked up at her from the couch. "You look pretty. Why do you look pretty?" Robin grabbed her purse and helped Ted up, leading him into the hall. "Because _you_ look so nice, I thought I'd match you," she said, just trying to humor the drunk man. "Hey, how did you know where I was staying?" She asked, helping him into the elevator. "I'm a ninja!" He said, doing karate moves. His ramblings were starting to lose any sense of logic, so for the entire elevator ride down, cab ride to Ted's apartment, and long and difficult stumbling up the stairs, Robin just agreed with him.

As Robin took off his shoes and helped him into his bed, Ted reached up and grabbed her arm, "Robin.. I'm sorry about this. I just… really thought Stella was The One." Robin nodded in sympathy, squeezing his hand. "I know, Ted. But she's out there, you'll find her, I promise." Ted sighed and looked at Robin for one last attempt, "And she isn't you?" Robin smiled sadly, "Sometimes I wish I was. This would be a lot easier if I was… But I'm not, Ted." Ted nodded in understanding then closed his eyes, drifting off.

Robin watched Ted sleep for a while, then got a glass of water to place on his bedside table. Suddenly reminded of something from the past, she smiled and wished she had a pineapple to stick next to it. It would be fun to see Ted try to explain away _two_ mysterious pineapples.

Sighing, Robin ran her hands through her hair and made her way back to the street. She was exhausted and jetlag was hitting her _hard_. It was just before dawn and the faintest hint of morning was starting to lighten the sky. She hailed a cab and watched the city waking outside her window as she drove through town.

When the cab stopped, Robin leaned forward and paid the driver then stepped out onto the street in front of Barney's building. She smiled good morning to Greg at the door, who politely smiled and said "Good to see you, Ms. Scherbatsky," as she got into the elevator.

******

Barney was sitting on his balcony drinking a glass of Robin's scotch when he heard the knock on the door. He had been gazing over the city, waiting for morning to come, as he did every night. He hadn't slept in weeks. 'Not that you could tell,' he thought as he passed his reflection in a mirror on the way to the door and winked appreciatively.

He opened the door to see Robin, standing a few feet in front of his door in a dress and heels. "Good morning?" He asked hesitantly, unsure what the woman was doing at his door at – he checked the clock on his kitchen wall – 5:10 a.m. Robin leaned against his door frame, putting their bodies mere inches apart. "Mornin', Barney." She mumbled. Robin's hair was tangled and falling into her face and her eyes were half-closed as she spoke.

Barney instantly grew concerned – "Is everything ok, Robin?" He asked, opening the door wider and leading her to the couch. "Yeah, 'sfine, I'm just really tired." She mumbled, slumping against his shoulder on the couch. "I'm sorry to burst in on you like this," she said, twisting to find a comfortable place to rest her head on his shoulder, "but I was in the cab and then the jet-lag just _hit_ me, you know?" Barney nodded, deciding to ask her another time why she was in a cab so late, and brushed the hair out of her face. "And then somehow…" She sighed and waved her arms around, "I ended up here…. So can I sleep here? Just for tonight?" She opened her eyes to look up at Barney, quick to add the last part when she noticed a glint of excitement in his eyes. "_Nothings_ going happen, Barney." She clarified, starting to take off her shoes, "I'm too tired."

Barney just nodded again, watching her take off her shoes, then stood and said, "Of course, Scherbatsky, you're always welcome to crash here. What's a bro for?" He turned to face away from her, walking briskly to the bedroom. He had to collect himself – this was Robin. His bro. He had chosen bimbos – he had to get those damned _feelings_ out of his head. No more thinking of her. No more buying presents for her. No more holding hands – what the hell had _that _been about? Barney shook his head. No. He was either going to bang Robin again, which would be _awesome_, or they were gonna be bros. There was no 'other' even worth considering.

He rustled around in a drawer, finding an old college t-shirt to give her, and walked back into the living room. "Robin, you can wear thi-" he stopped when he saw she had fallen asleep sprawled on the couch. Laughing Barney leaned over to prop her up. "Robin," he whispered, pulling her up to her feet. "C'mon, you're sleeping in the bed, I'll take the couch." She nodded, still mostly asleep, and clung to his neck as he half dragged, half carried her to the bedroom. "This is for you," he said, handing her the t-shirt as she started to climb under the covers. "Thanks," she said, pulling off her dress and pulling on the shirt in one fluid motion.

Barney froze, wide-eyed, "Uh… I was about to leave," he said, going to the kitchen to give her some privacy. When he returned with a glass of water to place on the nightstand, she was already under the covers, asleep. He smiled.. "Goodnight, Sparkles," he said quietly, and left to go sleep on the couch.

"You don't have to!" She called drowsily after him, stopping him short. "What?" Barney asked, turning around and reentering the bedroom. "You don't have to leave," she mumbled into the pillow. "You don't have to sleep on the couch." Barney remained standing, looking at the bed and reminding himself she was his bro. Just his bro. This would not result in sex. She had said so herself. So, since they weren't going to sleep together, he should just turn and leave. He paused a moment more, preparing himself to turn and crash on the couch, as he _should_, but he instead found himself climbing into bed next to her, taking off his watch to put on the nightstand next to her earrings, and slipping his arms around her waist. "Welcome home, Scherbatsky," he whispered.

*****

Robin awoke a few hours later to the sound of sirens outside the window. She squeezed her eyes shut and snuggled back into the bed, willing herself back to sleep. Before Tokyo, she had been able to sleep through anything. Once she had gotten to Tokyo, she had had to train herself to sleep with silence outside the window. She sighed and pulled the blanket tighter around her – she supposed that now that she was back, she would have to train herself to sleep in busy NYC again.

She had just started to drift off again when she felt something tighten around her waist. Surprised, she looked down to see an arm wrapping around her. Robin quickly whirled her head around to see Barney sleeping peacefully next to her, a small, contented smile on his face. Robin panicked momentarily, immediately pulling up the sheets to check. Yes, they were both clothed.

Suddenly struck with the urge to use the bathroom, Robin slid out of bed, careful not to wake Barney, and tip-toed to the bathroom. But stopped when she saw the bedside table in Barney's room. There, set carefully next to the side of the bed Robin had been sleeping on, was a small bouquet of tulips. She snuck back towards the bed to read the single card stuck in the vase – "missed you" was casually scrawled across the front in Barney's hand-writing.

Robin stood with the card in her hand, brow furrowed, and stared at the sleeping man. Barney was not the kind of man who bought flowers for someone unless he was making up for something. Robin looked back at the flowers – a beautiful mix of rose and orange, the tulips reminded her of Fall or the sunset. They were perfect. But she was still suspicious.

Remembering suddenly the reason she got up in the first place, Robin put the note back with the flowers and made her way to the bathroom before she stopped again and realized that Barney was snuggling underneath a beautiful King-size comforter. At the early hour she had gone to bed, it had been too dark to notice anything in the room. But now that it was… She grabbed Barney's watch off the nightstand…. 11:23 a.m., the light of the day was shining through the cracks of the blinds, illuminating all the changes she had missed last night. Barney was sleeping in the bed, as was she, and they both had their own pillow. Covered in the pillowcases she had left for him. And the comforter matched the pillow cases perfectly. At this, Robin was puzzled. Why would Barney have flowers and a comforter ready for her if he didn't know she was coming over? As Robin went to the bathroom and returned to the bed (she was still exhausted,) she contemplated if this is what Barney had meant when he said he had "prepared" the apartment for her.

Barney began to stir and Robin quickly snuggled under the covers on the far side of the bed away from him, trying her best not to wake him. She was about to fall back to sleep – the bed was even more comfortable than the one at The Plaza, if that was possible – when she spied a crumpled white sheet of paper sticking out of the drawer on the bedside table. Curious, and interested in what a person like Barney would keep in his bedside drawer, she slid the drawer open as carefully as possible and pulled the paper out.

Holding it in her hand, she stared in the drawer to find, not surprisingly, a year's supply of condoms, a camera that Robin was afraid to even touch, and a DVD that Robin assumed had to be porn… Until she flipped over the case and saw that it was actually the Sandcastles in the Sand DVD, with the picture of her and Barney she had left in his box slipped into the dust sleeve.

Robin returned the DVD to the drawer and focused her attention on the matter at hand – the crumpled note. Sitting up slightly to catch a stream of light coming in from the blinds, she unfolded it to read "The Plaza, New York, New York – Receipt of Stay." Robin gasped as she read the string of numbers lined down the page. _Barney _was paying for her room. NOT his company, as he had said.

"Hey – what are you doing?" A sleepy voice came from the other side of the bed. Caught and embarrassed, Robin's cheeks turned red as she tried to stuff the receipt in the drawer and lay back down. "Uh, nothing, Barney. Sorry I woke you up."

Barney sat up, yawning. He saw Robin fumbling with the paper and squinted suspiciously at her – "What's that?" Realizing she couldn't get out now, Robin chose to confess. "I'm sorry, I just…" She glanced back at the receipt. "Barney! You're paying for my stay at The Plaza! On your own! And it's _sooo expensive_!" She exaggerated the last words to make a point.

He shrugged, leaning back on the pillow and closing his eyes – he was still half asleep. "Well, just get me something good for Christmas and we'll call it even." Robin knew she should drop it, but she kept pressing, amazed at his generosity. "Barney, you have already spent _so _much on me, with the plane ticket and the drinks and everything else…" She trailed off, glancing once again at the tulips. "I couldn't possibly make you pay for anything else."

Barney sat up, angry now, and grabbed the receipt out of her hand, crumpled it in his fist, and dropped it on the ground on his side of the bed. "Just drop it, ok? Geez." He lay back down, burying his head into the pillow. "You're too stubborn for your own good, Sparkles. Now go back to sleep, you must be jet-lagged outta your mind."

Robin, somewhat taken aback by his outburst of emotions, sighed and closed the drawer. "Sorry I pried, Barney." He just grunted from the pillow. "You know I really appreciate it," she continued. He was silent. "You're a great friend, Barney." At that, she saw his shoulders tense up. Wincing, Robin knew she had picked the wrong word. She sighed and nestled back onto her side of the bed. "I like the flowers," she said very quietly. She waited a few minutes for some sort of response, and finally resigned herself to going back to sleep. She was almost out of it when she felt his arm around her waist again and he pulled her back toward his side of the bed. She smiled in spite of her better judgment. "I missed you too, Barney," she whispered and snuggled against him.


	3. C

**Part Seven**

_A/N: Thank you guys SO MUCH for your great reviews! I'm going to go through and respond to a bunch this weekend – I promise! I'm so thrilled that I have regular readers! And I took a lot of what y'all said after part 6.5 into consideration for the next few chapters, so… Here we go! (We're so close to the next episode, y'all! Get psyched! I MIGHT be going as Scherbatsky for Halloween!) Oh, and also… I changed some plot stuff. So when I said I had plans for "Part Seven" in my last A/N, I guess I lied because they didn't happen after all._

Robin awoke once more, slowly drifting back to consciousness. She yawned and stretch, calmly opening her eyes to gaze around Barney's bedroom. A rumpled pillow lay empty next to her, which Robin was instantly glad for. She didn't want to have to deal with any morning-after awkwardness. Barney had probably figured that out and done them both a favor by getting out of bed before her. She laughed quietly to herself, pulling herself back under the covers and snuggling deep into the bed. Why is it that she thought the morning-after of a night of snuggling would be more awkward than the morning-after… Of, well… _That _had been pretty awkward, too, now that she thought about it.

She drifted back in and out of sleep over the next hour, unwilling to leave the bed. Robin lovingly pulled the covers tight around her, groaning in complaint as she made herself sit up. She observed the bedspread. Man, when Barney did something, he went ALL OUT.The bed was gorgeous, and by observing the minute detailing and comfort, she was sure it cost a fortune.

Robin padded across the floor in her bare feet, thankful for Barney's thick carpeting. That's _another_ feature this place had that beat out The Palace. True, that place was gorgeous hardwood, but Robin had always preferred carpet. Remembering suddenly the bill in the bedside drawer, Robin was struck with guilt. Today she needed to find a much cheaper place to stay that she could pay for herself.

She didn't bother checking to see if Barney was elsewhere in the apartment – if he had been, he would have said something by now. Besides, she glanced at the clock, it was in the middle of the afternoon at this point. Ugh, it was going to take a while for her internal clock to figure itself out. So, 4:15 p.m… He must be at work. Although, Robin reasoned, she had no idea what his work schedule was. That was such a mystery…

Making her way to the shower, Robin was pleased to find a fresh towel and bar of soap sitting on the counter. As she washed her hair, she couldn't help but notice how big the shower was – she could only imagine what kind of conquests Barney had entertained in here. Brushing away that unpleasant thought, she wrapped the towel around herself and returned to the bedroom. As she was changing she noticed once more the flowers sitting next to the bed and remembered exactly the events of last night.

Momentarily worried, she paused to talk herself through it. "We're just friends," she told herself. "He doesn't think anything more of me than I do of him, the flowers are just a friendly welcome home. The tickets, the hotel… He's loaded, so that's the equivalent of buying someone a gift certificate for their birthday for him…" She smiled, satisfied with her justifications. She just gets surprised when the men in her life act chivalrous – she gets it from some extent from Marshall, but he's married so it's not the same, and she never gets it from Ted because that's weird. So Barney's the only one in their group who could treat her like a gentleman and she's just not used to it. Robin started to fix her hair in the mirror and paused, briefly, to flick her eyes back to the flowers. She wondered if Barney had ever bought Shannon flowers like this…

Stopping _that _train of thought before it made her uncomfortable, Robin gathered her things, made the bed, and prepared to search the city for a cheap hotel room… And some food. God, she was hungry. As she was walking out the door, she halted in her tracks at the sight of box of bagels from her favorite deli sitting on the counter.

"Really, Barney?" She asked out loud. She read the note scrawled next to the bagels, "stay as long as you need – I'll cancel Plaza reservations." Robin smiled, spreading cream cheese on a cinnamon raisin bagel. They were friends, that's all. She ate the on his porch, looking over the city. And if there was a little bit more than friendship behind his intentions, well then… She was ok with that.

******

She spent the afternoon locating copies of "help wanted" ads, printing out her resume, and racking up her credit card debt in a way a reasonable, grown woman who knows better should not do. "Lily must be rubbing off on me," she reflected as she passed the plastic card over the counter to yet _another _cashier. She justified her splurge as therapy shopping - she had a lot to think about, and not a lot of clothes back in the U.S. to think about those things _in_. Her last purchase of the day was a red nightie. She didn't think too hard about it as she signed the receipt. She needed new pajamas, is all. She didn't want to have to keep borrowing Barney's old t-shirts, and she lost her nightie the first time she tried to do the laundry in Tokyo.

Greg let her back into Barney's apartment when she returned – apparently "Mr. Stinson" had requested that Greg give Robin a copy of his key. In the fading sunlight of Barney's bedroom, Robin was putting on a fashion show for herself with all the clothes she bought that day when she got a phone call – BARNEY, the caller ID read.

"Hey!" She said, happy to hear from him. "Scherbatsky, suit up!" The familiar voice on the other end of the line commanded. She laughed. She had missed this spontaneous fun when she was in Tokyo. "For what? Another round of laser tag? You need a wingman tonight?" "Negative! I need you at my office within the next hour," he announced. "And… In a suit," he clarified.

Robin laughed again, "Why?" Barney cut her off, "You'll find out. See you soon!" And then the line went dead. Robin looked at the phone, puzzled. She should at least do what he said, she figured, since he had been so generous to her the past few days. She quickly changed into a new suit she had bought that day. It was perfect for job interviews: professional black with white pinstripes, with a feminine cut to accent her curves. She contemplated her two options of tops underneath the jacket: either a professional blouse or a deep red corset that showed just a hint of cleavage. She didn't contemplate the first option for very long.

Once she arrived at Ultracel, Robin went through 20 minutes worth of security measures in order to visit Barney's office. The fact that she didn't know why she was there complicated matters severely, but she eventually made her way to his office.

"Ok, now WHAT is this all about?" Robin asked, walking into Barney's office. "And WHY do you have, oh my gosh, you must be waaay motivated!" Robin walked quickly towards the wall behind his desk. "Awesomeness!" She read aloud. "High-five!" She turned to high-five Barney who had been furiously typing at his computer when she walked in. He smiled and stood, giving her a high-five. "Nice suit," he said appreciatively, giving her a once-over. "Thanks!" She said, gleefully spinning around to show it off. "It's new."

Barney glanced back at his computer, clicked "Post" on his blog, and closed his laptop. "Perfect. Now, let's go!" He pulled his suit jacket on and straightened his tie. "Where?" Robin asked. "Laser tag? The bar? The cigar club?" Barney rolled his eyes, "Please," and grabbed her arm, dragging her down the long hall beside office. Robin put up little protest, curiosity overtaking her annoyance at being so roughly handled. They stopped at a door labeled "Conference Room," and Barney turned to face Robin.

The woman inhaled sharply, surprised both by the rapid stop and Barney's close proximity. She was pressed against the wall, and he was leaning in towards her. Just another few inches and… "Scherbatsky! Snap out of it! If I were you, I'd wanna do me too right now, but we have to think about other things!" He flicked his two fingers at his eyes, then hers, then back to his again. "Wha? I wasn't-" she started to protest, but he didn't give her the time. "Now, here's the deal, Robin," he said, lowering his voice slightly. "You need a job, right?" She nodded, wondering what was coming next. "Well, it just so happens we have a job available. A PR job – the representative of the company to the media." Robin's eyes widened, but she kept her mouth shut. "This job entails handling press requests, responding to public inquiries, and basically telling the public whatever they want to hear to keep the press off our back." Robin nodded, slowly. "And this job keeps jobs like mine safe," he continued. She opened her mouth to ask what that job was exactly, but he put his finger to her lips. "All you need to know is that it's a _very important _job, Robin," he stressed every word, making his intention clear. "It's not the kind of job the 'public' needs to know the details of," he said. "Which makes _this_ job, the one you're about to interview for," she raised her eyebrows, "even _more_ important, ok?" He grabbed her wrist and pushed her toward the door. "Now get in there!"

Robin pulled back, staring at Barney. "What?" She hissed, now aware of the situation. "What the hell have you gotten me involved in, Barney? I am in NO way qualified to do this job!" Barney rolled his eyes, "Oh, c'mon Robin. It's perfect." Her eyes got wider, "No it's not!" She whisper-shouted at him, panic in her voice. "I know NOTHING about this company. Have you even thought about this? At all?" Barney crossed his arms over his chest. "Ok, now, give me more credit than that. Of course I've thought this through." He started ticking off items on his fingers. "One: You have years of public speaking experience, and you're used to delivering news. Two: The fact that you know nothing makes you perfect for this job – no one can sue you for lying if you don't know what you're talking about. Three: We have offices all around the world, you would travel all the time yet still live in Manhattan. Four: You'd be making _obscene_ amounts of money, and we both know you're nothing like Marshall and have no problem taking a job just for the money. And Five:" he paused his whirlwind speech, stuck his hands in his pockets and shrugged his shoulders. "I told the guys sitting in there," he nodded his head towards the conference room, "That you'd be great. And I wasn't lying."

Robin took it all in, furrowed her brow for a moment as she contemplated everything he said, straightened, and said, "You know, that actually makes sense." He nodded, "I know. I'm never wrong." Robin ran a finger through her hair and fixed her collar. "All right, here's hoping I say the right things in there!" She said, putting one hand on the doorknob and crossing the fingers on her other hands. Barney gave her another once-over. "Baby, trust me, lookin' like that? You won't have to say a _word_. The job's yours." Robin winked at him, "Wish me luck!" and opened the door. "Make it Sparkle, Scherbatsky," he called quietly after her as the door swung shut.

******

"I'm just going to keep the beard this time, I think," Ted was saying to Barney, Lily, and Marshall when Robin slid in at the booth across from him at MacLaren's, avoiding his gaze. "That way, I'm prepared for the next break-up that will inevitably happen." Marshall nodded as an idea started to form in his head, "You know, I think you're doing this all wrong. Instead of growing a beard between the end of a relationship and the beginning of a new one, you should just alternate clean-shaven and beard for each relationship." Ted and Barney looked at him in confusion while Lily and Robin went to the bar to get drinks. "Like a superstition thing!" Marshall tried to explain. "If a baseball player wears his socks on the outside of his pants and then they hit a winning streak, he'll keep them on the outside until the team starts to lose. Then he'll wear them on the inside... Make sense?" The other men looked at him and just shook their heads. "So…" Ted said, changing the subject, "How's the new apartment?" Lily and Robin slid back into the booths, distributing drinks. Lily cast a hesitant look towards Robin. Catching the look, Robin protested, "Listen! You do NOT have to feel guilty every time you talk about the apartment! It used to be mine, but I sold it. I moved." Lily still looked dubious. "I've moved _on_, Lily. Seriously. It's yours now. So, talk!" Lily smiled, relieved. "Are you sure?" Robin nodded.

At that, Lily and Marshall launched into a frenzy of excitement, discussing in detail all the great features of their new apartment and how they'd decorated it, and what kind of furniture they had bought. "And we're going to have a house-warming party next week!" Lily concluded. She and Marshall smiled at one another in happiness. "So, Robin, have you found a place yet?" Robin cleared her throat, buying some time, "Uh, no… I uh…" "She's crashing with me," Barney announced, taking a sip of his scotch. "What?" Asked the entire table in unison, including a very confused Robin. "Yeah, she's staying with me until she gets her own place, in my suit room," he explained, "playing the part of my wife." Lily's eyes grew huge, "To get rid of my one-night stands," Barney quickly explained. "Same exact situation as you, Lil," he said. Ted and Marshall seemed to buy this and went back to their drinks, but Lily pressed on, "But what about her hotel stay?" "I-" Robin opened her mouth to say she was renting a place, but Barney cut her off again. "Please. Do you really think I'm going to pay for her hotel for a month?" He turned his attention on Robin. "Sorry, Scherbatsky, but since you're apparently back for good, I can't pay for you to stay somewhere until you find your own place." Robin closed her mouth and nodded. "Which is why we came up with this arrangement, right?" "…Right!" Robin said through a forced smile, looking at Lily. "It'll be just like when you lived with him – I've been wanting to brush up on my acting skills, anyway!"

Barney nodded with a smile and leaned back into his seat, sipping contentedly out of his glass. Things were all going according to his pla – "Actually, my stay may be much shorter than you, _we_, expected, Barney," Robin continued, smiling wickedly. "I got a job! So now I can afford my own place!" Barney sat up again, squinting at her. "Well played, Scherbatsky," he thought. Her announcement was greeted with excitement from the rest of the table. She shushed them all by waving her hands, "Well, it's actually…." She leaned in conspiratorially, "At Barney's company."

The group leaned in with her and took a collective surprised gasp. "As the PR representative," she continued. A second gasp. Barney continued leaning back in his seat and rolled his eyes. "And…" Robin held the suspense as long as she could, "I'm specifically the spokesperson for Barney's branch of the company." "What?!" cried Barney, leaning in quickly. "You're what?!? That's not the job you interviewed for – you, you interviewed for PR rep for the-," he was cut off when Robin raised her index finger with a "shh…" and remained facing the three still circled around her. "And…" She held it for one moment more… "I know what Barney's job is." She concluded, smiling.

"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Barney wailed, standing and running out of the bar. The other three were jumping over one another with questions. "What is it? What does he do? Is it illegal? Is it porn? I've always thought it was probably porn? Should he be in jail? How much does he make? Is he gonna kill you know?" Laughing, Robin sat back in her seat, proud of a job well done. "Guys, guys!" She shouted, waving her hands over the fury. "I was kidding – well, halfway," she said when she saw the disappointed looks on their faces. "I _do_ have a job at Barney's job, and I will be directly involved with his branch of the company," she explained. "And I even know that his title has the word 'Executive' in it – the guys in the interview kept calling him 'Executive Stinson,' which I thought was a little weird… But I don't know really anything more than that. I don't know any details," she finished. "But I probably will figure it out, soon enough, right? And wasn't it totally worth it to see his reaction?" The group agreed and went back to their drinks.

******

"Hey, Robin?" Ted grabbed Robin's arm as the group left the bar and to make their way home. She turned to look at Ted. "Listen, I was thinking… Um, I wanted to apologize for last night. I was a little drunk," he stammered when he saw her expression, "Ok, a lotta drunk, and I said some things I shouldn't have… I think. I can't remember all of it." His honesty made Robin smile. "It's ok," she said, patting his shoulder, "I understand. It was a bad breakup."

Anxious to free herself of this awkward situation, Robin smiled and turned to leave the bar. "No," Ted said, grabbing her hand and leading her back to the table. As they sat, Barney re-entered the bar, looking around. He starting walking towards the table when he saw Ted was still holding Robin's hand – hands, actually – on top of the table. Barney quickly shifted gears and headed toward the bar instead. "Robin, the thing is, I've been thinking." Robin was silent, waiting. "I think I still love you." Robin's face drew a blank. Barney couldn't hear what was being said, but he could see Robin's face at least. He strategically sat at a barstool next to a large man, making it hard for either Ted or Robin to see him. "You… you what?" Robin stammered, regaining her use of words. "But – you were engaged! Engaged!" She pulled her hands away from Ted's and started to tap the table nervously, "And we're DONE, Ted, remember? We were horrible together!"

Ted shook his head and gathered her hands in his again, "No, Robin, we were _great_ together, remember?" Robin looked doubtful. "We just ended it because we knew we were going separate ways. But we're not now, you see?" Robin sighed and stood up, "Ted, please don't make this more painful than it already is. We're over. It's just… Not something that would ever work out. That's what I was trying to tell you last night." Ted stood and looked confused, "I said this last night?" Robin nodded. "Oh," he said simply, then pulled Robin in for a kiss. Barney froze, watching the events playing out in front of him. For a moment Robin remained frozen as well, surprised at Ted's forwardness. But she soon gave into the kiss, leaning into him and wrapping her hands around his neck.

Barney squeezed his eyes shut in pain. He had thought _that _whole thing was over with. "Wendy? Tequila please," he said, ordering the drink that got him the drunk the fastest. As Wendy nodded and started slicing a lime into wedges, Barney turned his attention back to Ted and Robin, only to see them leaving, holding hands, with Robin in the lead. _Dammit_.

******

Half an hour and several shots of tequila later, Wendy placed a drink in front of Barney. He looked up, confused. "Wendy? I didn't order any champ-" but stopped when he saw Robin sitting across the bar from him, raising a toast. "Scherbatsky?" Barney smiled in spite of himself and unsteadily got to his feet. "What's the champagne for?" Robin smiled as he carefully landed on the stool next to her. "My new job, of course!" His face darkened, "Oh." He sighed and stood back up – "Hold on, I'd prefer the tequila right now, if that's ok." Robin laughed and pulled him back, "Oh, c'mon, I was just kidding. I don't actually know what your job is. Your secret's safe." Barney sat up a little straighter, "Well, good." He caught himself. "It's just that, it's so awesome that I don't think that you guys would be able to handle it." Robin smiled, "Yeah, I'm sure that's it." They clinked champagne glasses. "Man, with this plus the tequila, I might be a little over-awesome tonight," Barney said. "Yeah, I noticed that…. But, I couldn't help but notice that you _weren't _drinking the tequila earlier tonight when you watching Ted and me kiss," Robin commented casually, throwing a handful of pretzels into her mouth.

Barney started sneezing and coughing, having accidentally inhaled some champagne in shock. "Yeah, I saw you," said Robin, ignoring his hysterics. "But nothing happened. He's such a romantic at heart, you know, I hated to be so mean with all those people watching… So I just took him outside to let him down easy, you know? Let him know that it's just never gonna happen again. So don't worry about it." She thought she caught a hint of relief on Barney's face before he scoffed, "Why would I be worried?" She looked at him silently, meaningfully, for a moment to let him catch his mistake. "Well, I just thought you would be happy that _Ted _was still single – that way, you can still be his wingman." She improvised. "Oh… Right, yeah. I'm glad…" Barney said quietly, staring at Robin. They both remained still for a moment, gazing at one another, thinking the same thing. "Well, it's a good thing you escaped that death trap again!" Barney broke the mood first, raising his champagne glass, which Wendy had refilled. "To the single life!" "To having a job!" Robin agreed, clinking her glass against his. "And one that pays an _obscene_ amount of money," she added after she had taken a sip. "I mean, Barney… WOW. It's huge." Barney laughed, a gleam in his eye, "Oh, if I had a nickel every time I heard that…" Robin merely smirked and raised her eyebrow flirtatiously. Together, they finished the champagne. And the tequila. And as the last few drops of alcohol trickled down her throat, Robin placed the glass on the bar and smiled. "Home?" She asked, standing. "Home," Barney agreed, taking her hand and leading her out of the bar.

**Part Eight**

"Ultracell understands that these are difficult financial times, and our hearts go out to the families of those being affected by the widespread lay-offs occurring across the country." Robin tucked a flyaway strand of brown hair behind her ear as she stood at the podium in the company's press room, camera's flashing. "Which is why I am pleased to announce our new acquisition." She paused, looking up, giving the crowd her biggest, toothiest, reporter's smile. "Ultracell has recently acquired the number one children's toy manufacturer in the country, and with that acquisition comes a record number of open jobs for our fellow New Yorkers." She raised her hand at the room of hands that shot up and continued smiling. "I'm sorry, unfortunately I don't have time for questions right now, but we will be releasing an official press release later this hour. And as always, we're just glad we can help out the community. Remember: Ultracell is a Company That Cares." She said the slogan through a gritted smile, waved politely to the crowd, and quickly made her way off the stage, down the hall, and into her office.

Where her phone was already ringing with reporters' questions and her inbox was flooded with media requests. Sighing and exhausted, Robin collapsed into her desk seat and pulled out her vibrating Blackberry, seeing that she had 52 new messages. "Seriously?" She groaned, leaning back. One week she'd been on this job. ONE WEEK, and already her life was revolving around this office, reporters' questions, smiling while she lied through her teeth, and in general stressing out.

She rolled her head slowly from side to side, trying to relax her shoulders. She closed her eyes and was finally allowing herself to calm down, just for a moment… SLAM! "Scherbatsky! Busy?" Barney rushed into her office, a windowless box of a room in the middle of the same floor he worked on. Robin didn't even flinch, but remained reclined with her eyes closed. "Yup."

"Well, quit whatever you're doing," Barney quickly strode to her desk and grabbed her wrist, pulling her up, and dragged her to the door. "This is far, FAR more important." Robin sighed, and allowed herself to be dragged along only because she wanted to escape that damn phone that was _still_ ringing. "What is it this time? New motivational poster? A life-sized Chewbacca? You need help untying your latest conquest from your desk?"

Barney laughed, amused and dismissive. "None of the above. But all equally awesome," they were now in his office and he was quickly walking back to his desk. "But NONE," he said, pausing for emphasis and making sure she was paying attention. Robin slumped into one of the plush chairs in front of his desk, crossing her arms and waiting patiently. "Are even a _tenth_ as awesome as this." Robin raised her eyebrows, skeptical. "Uh-huh," she waited. "No, that's not enough buildup." Barney stood, looking heavenwards. "Robin Scherbatsky," he commanded. "Imagine if we had discovered Marshall's nude painting on the _same _day Lily discovered my Shannon videotape… And on the SAME day that Ted got that tramp stamp!" Robin sat a little straighter, paying attention. "This better be good, Barney," she said.

"Oh, it IS. He assured her, flipping his computer screen around to face the seated woman. Robin sharply inhaled – "What. The. HELL. Is this Barney?" Robin was currently facing a computer screen filled with dancing, shimmering 80's logos and cheesy music, with a giant "The Top Ten Forgotten Child Stars of the 1990's." Robin Sparkles was listed as number one.

Barney shrugged, unable to contain his glee. "Oh, you know, nothing." He said, trying to be casual. "I _may _have a subscription to = Canadian _People_, the number one celebrity magazine for our northern neighbors." Robin grabbed the mouse from the other side of Barney's desk, scrolling down the screen. "Rachel LaRoche? Jeremy Fink? Those jerks were WAAAYYY less…" She trailed off, spotting the fourth most-forgotten child stars of the 1990's. "Simon?" She quickly looked up at Barney, smiling broadly. "I beat Simon?!" Barney nodded, "YEAH ya did!" They high-fived as Robin jumped up and down, now completely awake. "I! BEAT! SIMON!" She said, breaking out a mini-"Let's Go To The Mall" dance in celebration.

Barney watched, amused. "Yeah, well, you beat Simon a LONG time ago, babe," he said. Robin smiled at his horrible Canadian "babe." She gave him a knowing look. "Yeah, I guess so. I just hadn't realized it until… Well, you helped me out." He wrinkled his nose and gave a self-satisfied nod, "Yeah, I did." She hit him lightly on the arm. "Shut up."

The phone on Barney's desk startled Robin, reminding her of where she was. She sighed. "Ahh… Dammit. Well, thanks so much for the break, Barney. It was _awesome_, as per uz, but I have to go back to work now." She turned and walked to the door and he returned to his seat. "Fine, if you must… See you at MacLaren's?" She nodded, swinging the door behind her. "Same as last night…" She winked at him.

Barney smiled. _Last night_. Well, that had been the same as the night before. And the night before. And… Well, every night since that night he and Robin had had that bottle of champagne together at the bar. They would have a drink at the bar, go home, and go to bed in their separate rooms with the intent to stay there. And then, inevitably, one of them would slip into bed with the other one…. And then neither of them would get any sleep.

It was fun, he reflected as he checked read the Robin Sparkles woefully-inaccurate "bio", to be keeping such a big secret from their friends. Perhaps that's what added to the excitement. Seeing Robin at work everyday, and acting normal all the time, and basically just being their normal Barney / Robin friendship selves during the day added to the excitement that came at night when they were together back home. And they could do and say the things they'd been thinking about all day.

Barney straightened and ran his hand through his hair, composing himself. If he thought about _that_ anymore at work, he'd never be able to last till the night without doing something about it. As he pulled out his phone to check his voicemails, it lit up, signaling he had a new text message from SPARKLES. Instantly forgetting his resolve to remain business-minded, Barney smiled eagerly and tapped 'READ'. "so… i kno i was joking but sex on desk sounded good to me. free tomorrow afternoon?" Barney's mouth fell open. He re-read the text. Then closed it, set the phone down, paced around his office for a few minutes, sat down, and read it again. It was not a mistake.

He buzzed his secretary into the office. "Yes, Mr. Stinson?" She entered, carrying a legal pad. "Could you please cancel all my appointments for the next two days?" He requested, eyes on the computer. "I have a very important report I'll be working on, and I can't be interrupted." She nodded, "Yes, sir." Turning to leave, she lingered at the door. "And how is your girlfriend enjoying her new job? She really is a lovely woman."

Barney's fingers froze on the keyboard and his stomach suddenly tightened. He started to panic, his voice unnaturally high. "My who?" He asked, eyes wide. "Ms. Scherbatsky," the secretary repeated, then, catching Barney's sudden panicked expression, she corrected herself. "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, I just thought…"

"Never mind," he said dismissively. Best just ignore the whole thing. "Just cancel the appointments." With that, she nodded and quickly left the office.

Barney remained frozen, staring blankly across the office. Girlfriend. _Girlfriend_. Was Robin his…? "NO!" He said loudly, reassuring himself. No, no she was not. She was staying with him, yes, but just until she found a place. They hung out together at work because they were friends and she got along surprisingly well with the A-1 Steak Sauce guys. They slept together ever night… He shook his head. He slept with tons of women, and she had slept with her share of men. They both enjoyed sex, that was all there was to it. "That's it," he said to himself. The fact that he thought about her all the time, or bought her flowers, or had found her a job… Or had the guy fired who had hit on her the morning of her first day. That had _nothing_ to do with anything. She was just a friend. A friend who was good in bed.

Barney pulled out his phone and thumbed out a quick reply. "HOTT. You know I'm free whenever, baby."

******

That night, as the group was clustered around their booth at MacLaren's, Barney had a hard time following the conversation. He was just very aware of Robin's affect on him. He had noticed it before, but they hadn't been _secretly together_ like this before. But they weren't together. But they were. But they weren't…. Barney wanted to scream. Instead he walked to the bar, "Next round's on me you guys," he said, looking for an escape. Moments later Robin walked up behind him. "Hey, you ok? You're acting weird tonight. You've barely said two words to me."

Barney stiffened and turned around to face her. "Listen, Robin," he said as casually as possible, trying to lean against the bar and regain his awesomeness. "I want to make something abundantly clear… You are NOT my girlfriend." She looked at him, expressionless, as she processed his sentence. After a few seconds she slowly said, "Oookaaayyy…" "You are not my girlfriend," he continued, now in lecture mode. "Because Barney Stinson does not do 'girlfriend.'" He made air-quotes around the word. "Barney Stinson does not do 'monogamous.'" Robin crossed her arms at her chest and looked at him critically, "Barney, I never asked you to." Barney knew she had a point, but he was too far in now. "Barney Stinson is a man of one-night stands." He concluded, straightening his tie and winking at a blonde across the bar to make his point.

Robin watched him, half amused, half angry. She had been waiting for a reaction like this. "Wow." He looked at her now, flirtatious. "I know," he said, crinkling his nose and nodding. "It's the suit. It's new." Robin put her hands on her hips, fed up. "No, Barney, I mean wow, I figured you out." Barney looked at her, acting casually interested. "Figured what out?" He pulled out his wallet and riffled through the contents as she continued. "The reason you, the great 'Barney Stinson'" she air-quoted, "are a man of one-night stands has nothing to do with the bimbos you take home. It's because you can't handle anything more than one night with a woman. You can't handle anything more than sex." Barney looked at her, startled at her honesty. He turned to Carl to pay for their drinks and pulled out a coupon from his wallet. "Whatever you say, baby," he said, knowing he was going too far but stupidly barreling on. He slid the homemade sexual favor coupon he had pulled out of his wallet across the bar in front of Robin. "So, this is for tonight," he said casually giving her a wink.

Robin grabbed the beers off the bar and stared at him, furious. "No, Barney," she said in a low voice that suddenly scared him. He straightened. "I refuse to be anyone's one-night stand. But I guess I'm just, what… A four-night stand to you? I'm better than that. I'm not just another bimbo and you know it." He clenched his teeth, wanting to punch himself and cry at the same time. He never should have started this. She nodded towards the crumpled coupon still sitting on the bar. "Go use that on the blonde near the jukebox. She looks like someone you could easily forget."

With that, Robin thrust her shoulders back, raised her chin, and walked back to the table, shaking off the whole conversation. "So…" She said, directing her attention on Marshall and Lily and picking up the conversation she had just left, "You guys are sure about this? You really want to have a baby?" The couple smiled and nodded as Barney watched on from the bar.

He sighed and crumpled the coupon in his fist. Why did he have to be like this? For the second time in his life, he was ashamed of himself. And both times had involved Robin, he reflected, downing his scotch and sticking the crumpled paper in his pocket. He looked up. The blonde was waving her fingers at him. Picking up his glass, he swaggered across the room.

******

The next day Robin woke up alone. She had locked the bedroom door when she had gotten back, unwilling to face Barney again that night. As she got ready for work, he wasn't in the apartment. She didn't know if he had come home at all that night, and she didn't want to think about that. Because she didn't care, she said to herself as she grabbed her keys and walked out of the apartment.

Greg smiled at her as she walked out, "Good morning, Ms. Scherbatsky!" He greeted cheerily, giving her a wave as she left the building. She smiled in return, happy for the greeting. It's odd, how after waking up next to someone for just a few days in a row you can find yourself lonely in the morning. "Morning, Greg. Have a great day." She turned to the sidewalk and put on her sunglasses, reflecting on her housing situation. As awkward as last night had been, and as furious as she had been at Barney, she shouldn't be that surprised.

Both she and Barney were anti-relationship people. They were similar in that respect. She thought back to the night Barney had come over to play Battleship, years ago. He had said they were similar in _many_ respects; it had just taken Robin a while to realize it. Robin ordered a drink at Jamba Juice and rationalized her emotions as she waited for breakfast. Yes, she liked Barney's company. Yes, she had missed him this morning… And last night. And yes, while she was mad at him for not treating her kinder last night… He had been so kind over the past few weeks – and that was before anything had even happened. Hell, she thought, grabbing a straw and making it back out on the street; _he _had been the one to make the first move when he stripped down in her apartment for hardcore Battleship. _He _had been the one who had called Ted up to ask permission to make a move on her. _He _had been the one to bare the weight of Ted's punishment after they slept together.

Robin stopped walking in the middle of the sidewalk. Barney liked her. That was the only explanation. She _was_ more than just a one-night stand to him, and that terrified him. Which is why he had lashed out last night. She leaned against a nearby storefront and sipped her cold beverage in an attempt to lower her suddenly increasing heart rate. But did she like him? What other reason was there for being so upset last night after he, essentially, dumped her? Hadn't she made the first move on him the other night? He had been a perfect gentleman during her visit until she started things. (Well, as close to a perfect gentleman as Barney could be.) And, _she _had really made the first move when she left him those coupons…. Robin rolled her eyes. Wow. WHAT had she been thinking?

Finally at the office, Robin swiped her card in the lobby and made her way to the elevators. She had been too hard on Barney. Clearly, they both liked each other and just didn't know how to handle it. Robin couldn't expect Barney to just instantly be mature enough to handle a relationship. Robin unlocked her office and turned on the light. She didn't _want_ a relationship, though. So… Where did that leave them? Robin turned on her computer and finished the Jamba Juice. She didn't know. They would have to figure it out. And, she reflected, figure out _if_ they wanted anything. Period.

In the meantime… Robin smiled, checking her calendar. She had cancelled her meetings this afternoon for a reason, why not keep her… _appointment_ with Barney this afternoon after all? They'd figure out the rest later. That's Future Robin and Future Barney's problem. She'd let those guys figure it out.

******

Barney woke up on an unfamiliar couch that morning. Rubbing his eyes and sitting up, he – "OW!!" Barney complained LOUDLY. His head was _killing _him. "Here, drink this." Carl walked into the room and handed Barney a glass filled with a murky concoction. "Wha?" Barney asked groggily, putting a hand to his head and leaning over. He was still dressed in his suit from yesterday, and could clearly smell the smoke and beer covering his shirt. He took the glass from Carlos, and without question, downed the whole thing.

He took a deep breath, stood, and shook out his sleeves and straightened his tie. He was Barney Stinson. Barney Stinson did not do hangovers. Whenever he felt hungover, he stopped being hungover, and was awesome instead. True story. "What exactly happened, Carl? And WHAT did I just drink?" Carl smiled, taking the glass back and heading to the kitchen. "A hangover miracle-worker that will have you back to normal in under an hour," he said, washing the glass out in the sink, "that I will of course not explain to you how to make because it's special formula… And, you'd probably kill me if you knew." Barney looked at the man warily. "And the events of last night?"

Carl laughed, "Well, you and Robin had some fight and then you spent the rest of the night hitting on women." Barney, suddenly remembering the fight, paled. But this was Carl, so he had to maintain his air of awesome. "Yeah, I did! How'd that work out for me?" Carl placed the glass back in the cabinet and turned to look at Barney. "Well, not good. You made out with a couple pretty hot girls, and then you spent the rest of the night doing shots at the bar with some brunette…" Barney raised his eyebrow. He didn't remember that. "And talking about falling in love." Barney stuck his hands in his pockets in an attempt to look casual. He _definitely_ didn't remember that. "And I think you freaked her out, because she left and you just kept drinking alone until last call."

Barney crossed his arms over his chest and cleared his throat. "And you brought me home?" Carl nodded, "Yeah. I couldn't reach the rest of your friends on the phone, so I just let you crash here. Figured it'd be easier to take you up one block to my place than put you in a cab to go back to your home." Barney nodded. "Well, thanks bro. I appreciate it." He grabbed his wrinkled jacket off the table in front of him and quickly walked to the door. "Your kindness – " he paused, his eyes narrowing, "and _discretion_ will not be forgotten." Carl nodded, "Got it, man. Feel better."

But Barney was already out the door, jacket slung over his shoulder. He hailed a cab back to his apartment. On the way there, he reviewed the events of last night... At least, those that he could remember. He had gone to MacLaren's… and started that fight with Robin. _What_ did he do that for? Things were going perfectly. Perfect. And he went and ruined it because his assistant had called Robin his girlfriend. "Stupid! Stupid!" Barney banged his head against the headrest of the seat in front of him. The cabbie glanced back at him, puzzled, but continued driving. He'd seen much stranger things.

Greg greeted him at the door with a confused expression that saddened Barney. The doorman was used to see Barney come home in the morning… Very, very used to seeing that, actually. But lately he'd been used to seeing him come home at night with Robin. "Mornin', Mr. Stinson," he said, opening the door. "You just missed Ms. Scherbatsky." Barney nodded, expressionless, agreeing with Greg's words more than the doorman would ever know, and got into the nearest elevator, resisting the urge to spew a list of questions at Greg. Was she alone? How did she look? What time did she come back last night? Barney sighed and collapsed on his couch once he was finally back in his apartment. His head still hurt, but Carl was right – that concoction had been miraculous.

Barney squeezed his eyes shut, trying his hardest to wish away the past 24 hours. Alas, he could not. He sat up, gingerly – he was still nursing the headache a bit – and glanced at his watch. 9:15 a.m. "Time to go to work," he said to himself, forcing himself into the shower. He picked a black suit, black shirt, and black tie. He felt like he was in mourning.

By the time he got to the office it was nearly 10, and his disposition had changed little. He had really screwed things up, he realized, when he entered his office to see… Just his office. No post-it note saying "good morning!", no "Is it Friday yet?" e-card in his inbox, no lingering scent of her perfume in the air. Slumping into his chair, Barney gritted his teeth and leaned back. He had almost had her. He had been so close… He was an idiot.

******

"To my knowledge, the company has had no involvement in that situation, Tom," Robin said over the phone to the reporter who had been _badgering _her with questions for over an hour. She glanced at her watch. She was fed up with this, and she had gone all day without any contact from Barney. She was fed up with that, too. "And I'm so sorry, Tom, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to go now – I have another appointment," she lied. "But, Ms. Scher-" Robin hung up. She had to talk to Barney, now. And the only way she could get him to talk to her, talk to her in a way that she knew he _meant_ instead of just putting up his "awesome" routine, was to get him vulnerable. And the quickest way to get him vulnerable was to get him turned on. She applied a layer of lipstick and made a few minor adjustments to her clothes that quickly changed her appearance from business casual to business sexy, and set off down the hall.

******

Barney heard a knock on his door. "C'min!" He called, tired, keeping his eyes fixed on his computer. He was about to break his own record – spending $2,500 on Sky Mall products in one morning. "Paging Mr. Stinson," a flirtatious voice called from across the room. Barney looked up, surprised, and saw a tall brunette in attire that could only be called "business sexy" strutting her way to his desk. "Uh…" Barney stammered, standing, "Can I help you?" The brunette smiled, "You sure can. I'm here for that appointment we made last night," she said, winking, and sitting on the edge of his desk. Barney's eyes widened. "I'm sorry, and you are?" The woman leaned forward and whispered in his ear and suddenly it all came back to him – the women from the bar, the drinking alone, the spending hours drunkenly talking to Lauren – _this _girl – about love. And they had ended the night with her trying to lure him home with her, but Barney declined. So she had said she would drop by the office the next day… Barney cleared his throat, "Uh, Lauren, I'm sorry. But I am trying to keep my schedule open today… Aannndd… So I must cancel our appointment." Lauren stood up and pouted, "Who are you keeping your schedule open for, Barney?" She asked pointedly, casually walking around his office and drawing the blinds so no one could see in. "Um, no one important," he lied. "I just… Would like to remain available." _In case Robin decides to ever speak to me again_, he thought to himself. Satisfied that they had privacy, Lauren once again approached his desk. "Is it that _Robin_ chick you kept blathering about last night?" Barney froze as she reached forward and started to loosen his tie. "I thought we had decided that it was time for you to move _on_…" She leaned in to whisper in his ear, "Starting with me." Barney remained motionless for a moment, watching her push papers and desk supplies off his desk, and hop on. "Lauren, I just really don't – " She cut him off. "Honey," she started as she slowly took off her jacket. "She's not going to forgive you. Just face it." Barney glanced at the picture frame that had once been on his desk and was now lying on the floor – him, Marshall and Lily, Ted, and Robin. This girl, as much of a bimbo as she was, was right. Robin wasn't going to forgive him. Hell, _he _wouldn't forgive him. Robin would realize what a huge mistake the past week had been and just move on with her life. As should he. Barney smiled at the girl sprawled on his desk and shrugged off his jacket. "Alright… Let's do this…"

******

Robin knocked on Barney's office door and waited nervously, adjusting her skirt. It was odd that he hadn't immediately called her in – had he even come in today? Robin strengthened her resolve and knocked again, this time louder. Still nothing. Well, she had worked up the courage to make it this far, she at least should see if he was in his office – Robin opened the door and leaned in, calling "Barney?" And… Oh, he was there alright. He was definitely, definitely there. "Oh my God!" Robin shouted, squeezing her eyes shut and whirling around, rushing out of the office. "Wha – dammit, Robin!" She heard him shout after her, but she was already down the hall, in her office, with the door locked shut. Robin collapsed in her chair, angry and upset at the same time. She couldn't believe that Barney was doing – well, exactly what she had been planning on doing with him – with another woman. Robin let herself freak out for a few minutes, then closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and tried her hardest to wipe the image out of her mind. She stood, readjusted her clothes, and fixed her hair. Well, this is what she should have expected. Barney was just Barney. There was no deeper, vulnerable, caring man like she had thought – it was just an act he put on when they woke up together designed to keep her coming back for more. It was Barney, the womanizer, the same man she'd always known. And she was Robin, the determined, career-driven woman who had just needed someone to comfort her after her whirlwind international career change. Robin returned to her laptop and began replying to e-mails. She was going to be excellent at this job, hang out with Barney as friends, and she would move on. She had moved to Tokyo without a thought, she could easily move on from this mistake. Robin sighed, letting herself relapse for just a moment as she remembered how sweet he had been to get her this job, and how tenderly he had held her when they hit the snooze button in the morning. But that was over, she told herself, shaking it off. She had just imagined it. She picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number – "Hey, Lily? Listen, I was hoping I could crash at your place for a little while…"

******

Barney watched Robin run out of his office and called after her. But she was gone. He turned to look back at Lauren, who was looking more turned-on than embarrassed by being walked-in on. "So _that's _Robin, is it?" She asked flirtatiously, biting her bottom lip. "You didn't tell me she looked like me," she said, running her fingers through Barney's hair. Barney pushed her hand away, standing up and pulling his pants back on. "You closed all the blinds but _forgot to lock the door_?!?" He shouted incredulously at the girl still sprawled on his desk. He pointed at the door – "Get out." He said, turning away from her to gaze through the window as he finished getting dressed. He could hear her sigh as she started to collect her things. "Fine," she complained and walked over to the door. "And don't come back," he said in lieu of a goodbye.

As soon as he heard the door close behind her, Barney leaned forward, pressing his forehead against the glass, and squeezed his eyes shut with a pained expression. "Good job, Stinson," he whispered to himself. Robin deserved better anyway.

**Part Nine**

"Thanks, Carl," Barney said to the bartender, giving him a nod and sticking a _noticeable_ tip in the jar. He had been tipping the man pretty well in the past week since his less-than-awesome night a week ago. Carl smiled and nodded silently, thinking to himself that if it paid _this _well, he wouldn't mind having a drunk Barney crash on his couch every week.

Barney slid back into the booth to join the group, which was noticeably missing Robin. "And it's right near this great school," Marshall was saying, "That Lily can teach at _and_ Lando and Han can attend!" Lily rolled her eyes while Ted laughed. "Marshall, for the last time, we are _not _naming our children Lando and Han!" "But Ted already has dibs on Luke and Leia!" Her husband protested.

Acting amused, Barney took a swig of beer, resisting the urge to glance at the door for the 30th time that night. "I'm just saying, Robin's old place is in an amazing neighborhood, and we never knew it!" Marshall finished. "I'm so glad we got it!" Lily smiled, resting a hand on her husbands arm. "Speaking of Robin, where is she?" Ted wondered, echoing Barney's thoughts. Barney breathed a quiet sigh of relief, glad he hadn't had to bring it up. "She hasn't been out with us for a while…"

Lily and Marshall nodded. "Barney, do you know what's up?" Ted addressed the nervous man who had been carefully avoiding everyone's gaze. "Do you see her much at work?" Barney pulled out his iPhone, desperate to act casual. "Uh… No. Not really – Our offices aren't really that near each other," Barney blinked hard as he lied, "And, uh… I'm sure she's just really busy with stuff. Working late a lot. I mean, it's still a new job…" He kept fiddling around with his phone as the three just nodded in acceptance. "Well, we should call her," Lily decided, "and tell her we miss her… But we're proud of her for working so hard!" Ted smiled, "You're such a kindergarten teacher, Lily." Marshall smiled too as Lily leaned over to Barney. "Barney, why don't you call her and ask her if she has time to come by for just one beer? We all miss her!"

Barney paled, keeping his eyes down. "Uh, yeah… Yeah, we should, but you know what?" He tapped frantically on the phone, wrinkling his face in mock frustration. "It looks like I don't have any service in here." Barney looked up, widening his eyes at Lily. "Uh, why don't _you_ call her?" Lily squinted at him, making a mental note to ask him what was going on later. "Ohh… kay…" She said suspiciously, and pulled out her phone. Barney loosened his tie and slipped the phone back into his pocket while she waited on Robin to pick up. "Hey, Robin! How are you?" Lily pressed the speakerphone button and placed her cell on the table, face-up, so the whole group could listen in. "Uh… I'm fine," Robin replied, quietly. "What's up? I'm kinda busy!"

Her voice was chipper but soft, and in the background they could hear soothing Italian music. "Hey – nothing important," Lily said cheerfully. "We're just all at MacLaren's and we wanted to call you to say we miss you! Are you still working late?" There was a brief pause. "Uh… You're all there? Am I on speakerphone or something?" "Yup!" Lily replied, waving at her friends seated in the booth to speak up. "Hey Robin!" Ted spoke up, "We're proud of you for working so hard!" Marshall chimed in, "But we miss you!" Barney cleared his throat, "Hey Scherbatsky."

Robin paused another moment then responded, "Aw, thanks you guys! That's so sweet for you to call me! I miss you too – but you're right, I _have _been very busy at work lately." Suddenly, Robin cut off her sentence and the group heard a male voice in the background, "Hey, baby. Ready to go? I'll go get the car." "Sounds good," Robin responded loudly, away from the mouthpiece, then quickly returned to her friends. "Sorry about that – I'm actually on a date right now." "Oooohh…." Marshall, Ted, and Lily teased. "A date? How come I didn't know anything about this?" Lily asked indignantly, enjoying what she was sure was an awkward moment for Robin. "Yeah, well, I would have told you, but he only just asked me today at work." Barney, who had been silent this whole time, expressionless, suddenly leaned forward and spoke directly into the phone. "At work? Who? Who asked you out?" "Uh… Jake? In Sales?" Robin responded, wondering briefly if Barney knew him. "Oh." He replied, quietly, and sat back again. "Jake's a good guy," he said despondently. "Well, we'll let you go – have fun tonight!" Lily said, pressing the speakerphone button off and returning the phone to her ear. "And you better be here at MacLaren's tomorrow, Missy!" She insisted, smiling. "She you back home tonight."

She paused momentarily, listening to the other end of the phone. She broke out into a smile, "Ha – ok, then… See you tomorrow morning." She hung up the phone and raised her eyebrows as she tucked it back into her purse. "Apparently, the date's going well," she said suggestively. Ted and Marshall laughed, and Barney stood up quickly. "Ah – uh – I gotta go," he said, draining the rest of his beer and making his way towards the door. "Big… Project I just remembered I had to finish tonight," he said, opening the door and rushing out.

The remaining three exchanged glances. "He sure has been acting weird a lot lately," said Ted absent-mindedly, taking a sip of his beer. "I mean… more than usual," he clarified.

Marhsall and Lily nodded, and Lily changed the subject quickly, eager to divert the attention from Barney. "So… Have you spoken with Stella since the break-up?" She asked Ted. He sighed and shook his head. "Nope. Nothing…." He looked up from his beer at his companions across the table. "But I kind of want to. Just for some closure, you know?" Lily and Marshall nodded in sympathy. "Just to… I don't know, make _sure _it's over." Lily and Marshall exchanged worried glances. "Ted, what do you mean? Are you saying you'd take her back? After she left you at the altar?" Marshall was shocked. "No… Well, maybe…" Ted took another swig of beer. "I don't know. I just need to know if she's happy with her decision – because if she's not…" He trailed off and sighed, "Well, I don't know. Forget I even said anything."

And so they did. After a few more beers, the three went their separate ways, just missing Barney who slipped back in to a quiet corner of the bar. He asked Carl to turn on Metro News One, out of habit, and drank alone. Even though it was a new lead anchor, Barney watched the broadcast in misery, ignoring the bevy of beautiful women walking through the door.

******

"No, I'm afraid not," Robin smiled at the reporter standing in the second row of the press room. "I cannot give you the exact financial figures of the acquisition, but we are a publicly traded company. Those figures should be released shortly," she answered his question. The man sat. "Is that it for today?" She asked, crossing her fingers underneath the podium and hoping no one would stand. "Well, I suppose that's it," she remarked, relieved. "Thank you all for being here and have a wonderful weekend." She stifled a yawn as she walked offstage. She hadn't gotten much sleep last night.

Robin began making her way out of the room when she saw Barney standing in the doorframe, ready to intercept her. Not wanting to cause a scene in front of all these cameras, she continued walking his way but avoided his gaze. "Barney," she said icily, smiling her fake newscaster smile. She never broke her stride and continued towards her office. "Robin!" He yelled, running to catch up. "Robin! Wait!"

He finally caught up with her when she reached her office. "What?" She whirled around. Barney was caught off guard with her anger. "Uh…" He mumbled, taking a step back. "I just wanted to talk to you – we haven't spoken in a week, Robin." Robin crossed her arms and gave him a once-over, clearly having some sort of internal debate. Finally, she dropped her arms and opened the office door to usher him in, "Fine."

Apprehensive, Barney entered the office and took a seat in the chair across from her desk. He looked around to see that in that week, she'd made some serious changes in the office. Pictures of their friends were on her desk, a few paintings hanging on the walls, and he caught a glimpse of an opened carton of cigarettes sitting on the filing cabinet. "I like the pictures," he said nervously. "Yeah… I just can't stand working in a place with no windows… What's up?" She asked, shrugging off her jacket and sitting behind her desk. "It's just… Robin, we haven't spoken in a week." She ignored his eyes and started typing, "Yeah? And?" Barney started getting frustrated, "And… And, I went home that night and all your stuff was out of your room, and you hadn't even left a note, and now we're not speaking anymore." Robin kept typing, her eyes steady on the computer. "Robin!" Barney practically shouted, fed up with all this. Startled, the woman turned to look at him. "What's going on? WHY aren't we even friends anymore?" He reached out and grabbed her hands.

Robin's eyes widened and she pressed her lips tightly together. "Barney, I think you know _exactly _why." Barney kept holding her hands when she tried to free them – he wasn't going to let this go. "No. I don't. Please tell me. TALK to me, Robin." The woman sighed and straightened in her chair. "Fine! You wanna know what's wrong? Fine! I'll tell you what's wrong!" Barney smiled faintly then quickly adjusted his face back to normal – he loved seeing Robin all worked up.

"HERE'S what's wrong Barney!" Robin said, her voice getting higher and louder. "YOU paid for my ticket home! YOU let me stay with you! YOU bought me flowers! And drinks! And presents! And dinner! YOU got me a job!" Barney nodded, silently, letting her finish. "And YOU got me a room at the frickin' PLAZA, Barney! The Plaza! And you were being just so sweet to me…" She trailed off for a moment and Barney squeezed her hands, urging her to continue. "And we SLEPT TOGETHER, Barney." He nodded again, this time letting his smile spread wide across his face. "SEVERAL TIMES! And you bought me breakfast! And held my hand! And you, Barney womanizing, ten-way, disgusting, horrible, anti-marriage Stinson, cuddled with me. And were so sweet to me." She repeated, looking disgusted with herself. "And I thought that meant something, but CLEARLY it didn't, and it's not fair… I have no right to be mad at you, you know," at this Barney's brow furrowed. He had not expected this. "I mean, I should expect you to take advantage of me while I was staying with you," Barney dropped her hands, "It's only natural, right? You would have done it with anyone who stayed with you. I guess you can't be blamed for getting bored after what, only 4 nights, with the same woman, and move as quickly as possible on to the next thing you see with boobs!" Barney stood, hands in his pockets, trying to smile like his usual awesome self, proud of his conquests, but he just couldn't fight through the anger that was slowly building in him. "So I just couldn't talk to you for a couple days because I was angry at myself for thinking you were more than just a sleaze. But I was wrong! You're obviously a sleaze, but I fell for your caring act AGAIN, and I hate it!"

Robin stopped her yelling and took a deep breath to calm herself. She pulled her hair out of her face and crossed her arms in front of her chest, ready for Barney's response. But it didn't come. He just stood there, looking at her quietly, almost sad. If Robin hadn't known any better, she would have thought he looked, well… Heart-broken. Finally, after a long silence, Barney dropped his arms to his side and gave Robin a half-smile. "Well, I guess you've got me figured out, don't you?" Robin nodded. "Yes, I do," she said firmly. "So you never thought that there was anything more to me than, well… Barney. You never believed me when I said I didn't always want to be 'that guy.'" She shook her head, "Nope. Never." Barney heard a slight quiver in her voice and stepped forward, a foot closer to her desk. "So you never stopped to realize that half those things I did – The Plaza, your plane ticket – I did because I cared about you? Not because I wanted to sleep with you?" Robin shook her head again, squeezing her arms tighter around her body as Barney took another step closer. "Even though I was planning on sleeping on the couch?" Another step. "Even though YOU were the one who left me that box of presents that, if I do say so myself, were a direct invitation for me to put the moves on you." Another step. Robin sucked in her breath as Barney was now on her side of the desk, less than two feet away. "You NEVER thought that maybe the only reason I was with that girl on my desk to begin with was because I thought I had lost you?" Barney now held his breath, too. He had put it out there. Now she knew. "Lost me?" Robin murmured, confused. "Robin, I…." He paused, taking another step. They were practically nose-to-nose. It was now or never. "I…." He took a deep breath, about to do what Lily had been telling him for weeks, squeezed his eyes shut, cursed those damned "feelings" for the hundredth time. "I lo-". Robin's lips cut him off as she grabbed him and pulled him towards her. His eyes popped open in surprise, a muffled "Wha?" escaping from his lips when they broke for air. "Don't say it, Barney, please." Robin was pleading him, her eyes desperate. "It's just… I don't have a great track record by starting off a relationship with those words." Barney nodded, relieved, and this time _he _was the one who grabbed her. He gently wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her as tight as he could, not wanting her to be away from him even the slightest bit. The next time they broke for air, he smiled mischievously. "Fine, then Scherbatsky…. I don't know what you think I was going to say," he winked, "but let's suffice it to say that, you will never, _ever_, be just another bimbo to me." She smiled and went in for another kiss, but he blocked her lips with his finger. "Wait a minute there, Scherbatsky… Let's not forget to lock the door…"

******

A week later and things were back to normal, as far as the group was concerned. Robin was still crashing with Lily and Marshall, but frequently went on dates with "Jake" and stayed over with him, giving the couple some alone time to work on their new baby-making plans… In reality, Jake had been mysteriously promoted to another city the day after Barney and Robin had made up, and Robin had been promoted to his office – which had an entire wall of windows. She and Barney had been hanging out on a regular basis, on what both of them knew were 'dates,' but they refused to call them that.

After their unexpected hook-up in Robin's office the week prior, they had discussed what they wanted. "Something fun and casual," Robin had supplied, fixing her shirt and reapplying her lipstick. "Right," Barney agreed, straightening his tie. "And… It's probably best that we don't tell anyone about this." Robin nodded, "Yeah. And, I mean, there's not really anything to tell. I mean, we're not dating." Barney waited for her to finish her touch-up, then reached out and pulled her close. "Right, we're not dating…Or," he shuddered, "monogamous. Hell, no." He pulled her in for a big kiss, which Robin protested loudly. "Seriously, Barney, the lipstick!" He just grinned. "Right, not monogamous. Ew..." She agreed, pushing him away playfully and grabbing a Kleenex for him to wipe the lipstick off of his face. "I mean, if we _were_ ever to be monogamous," Robin started, then glanced at Barney and corrected herself after a glance at the horrified man, "Waaay in the future, then if anything, I deserve a freebie." Barney crumpled up the Kleenex and threw it in the trash. "Why is that?" He asked, interested. "For that slut you banged in your office," Robin said plainly. Barney ran his hands through his hair. "Right… That… Well, you're right. Fine. If, on that dreaded day that we ever DID decide to Ted this thing up and become a 'couple,'" he air-quoted, "then you're allowed a freebie. Definitely." Robin smiled and kissed him on the nose. "Good. Now, get outta my office."

It had been a week now, and things were going great for them. The fun came in being kinda-sorta together without their friends noticing. Barney was particularly enjoying it because he got to be an uber-flirt while he was with the whole group in order to deflect the gang's attention from the glances he kept throwing Robin.

When the group went to the tapas place, "More like tap – ASS, am I right?!?!" Barney had joked on the cab ride there, he had been in rare form, only slipping up a few times. Robin didn't blame him for ducking under the hot girls' table, but she was shocked he had returned. To be more honest, she was shocked none of their friends had called him out on coming back to their boring table after partying with the hot girls' table. So, to distract the questions off him, she had divulged her father story.

And when Barney had stroked her arm in sympathy, he quickly caught himself and turned his caring into a Canada insult – which she got him back for later.

At the end of the night, after his non-confrontation with Stella, Ted got back in the car and told his friends what he had seen. Although Marshall was slightly disappointed Mad Ted hadn't enacted some form on revenge, the general consensus of the cab was pride.

"You know, I'm really glad I saw her tonight," Ted reflected that night, crammed back into the booth at MacLaren's. The rest of the group looked on in sympathy. "As much as it hurt to see her be a part of a happy family that wasn't me… Well, at least she's a part of a happy family, right?" The group nodded. "And at least Lucy has her real father now," Ted said, somewhat regretful. "Well," he said, straightening. "I suppose that means it's time for me to move on." Barney sat up a bit straighter, quickly putting his hand on the table from where it had been lightly tracing Robin's palm underneath the table. "Move on?" He asked eagerly. Ted smiled, "Yep. Barney, I think it's time for a wingman again." Barney smiled broadly. "Yeesss!!!" He said eagerly, pumping his fist in the air. Marshall and Lily laughed as Ted raised his glass, "To the future!" He said. "To the future," his friends agreed, clinking their glasses. Marshall and Lily smiled at each other, Ted set to chugging he rest of his beer, and Barney and Robin glanced at one another with a brief smile before drinking their scotches. "And?" Ted resumed, picking up his empty glass and raising it at Barney, "To getting us laid as much as possible!" He said triumphantly. Barney laughed, "What, I thought you were against that?" Ted laughed, "Yes, but I like to know that I have options – and history shows you're the best wingman at getting me laid," "Hey!" "No offense, Marshall," he continued in response to his friends protest. "So whichever girls I don't want, I can just pass on to you." Barney smiled and clinked his empty glass against Ted's. "To getting laid as much as possible, then." He said, smiling. Robin leaned forward, a mischievous sparkle in her eye. "You know, if Ted decides to keep all of his conquests for himself, I can probably help you out with that," she said, smiling. Barney turned to face her, a laugh playing on his lips. "As your wing-woman, of course," Robin said, winking. "Of course," Barney responded.

Marshall and Ted began a conversation about where they could find a beautiful woman who loved _Star Wars_ while Lily's attention remained fixed on Barney and Robin. The two were whispering to one another at the end of the table and she could see the tip of Barney's fingers just barely wrapped around Robin's waist. She caught Barney's eyes and raised an eyebrow. He quickly dropped his arms and turned away from Robin. Lily smiled… Something was going on there…

_A/N: Don't panic! I know that this seems like the end, but it's not! It shall continue, I promise! Ok, now that I'm all caught up to the story line, as I follow along with the show, I'll be throwing in my own kinda conspiracy theories into my fic. Ex: So… After watching last week's episode, I'm convinced that Barney and Robin are secretly together, it just won't be revealed to us yet – we'll eventually see a flashback in a future episode that reveals they made up post-Shelter Island and have been kinda casually together ever since. Which would help explain the spoilers we read for Ep. 11 – "Benefits" – and Barney's reaction… Comment away, please! ___

**Part Ten**

_A/N: A bit of clarification – I will never, never, EVER spoil anything for you. I mean, if you haven't watched the most recent episode, you probably won't want to read this, because I talk about stuff that's already aired, but I won't talk about anything in the future. You have my word. I do read spoilers, but I completely understand not wanting to be spoiled. (On a related note, if any of you ever reveal any LOST or Burn Notice spoilers, I will personally physically harm you)… If I ever allude to a spoiler in my A/N, I will warn you (I didn't think there was anything spoilerish in my last A/N,) but I will definitely not include anything in a chapter that I've read is going to happen in the future according to a spoiler. So, if there's something major coming up and I know about it, I may lay some subtle groundwork or whatever in my fic, but I definitely will not discuss anything until the episode is aired. I will, however, fully disclose my own insane, sleep-deprived conspiracy theories. Because they are, in a word, legen-awesome-dary._

"I don't like it." Barney said decisively, putting down his scotch. Ted sighed in frustration and Robin shot him dagger eyes. "What?" Asked Ted, annoyed. "I said, I don't like it!" Insisted Barney, shooting dagger eyes right back at Robin.

Marshall and Lily slid into the booth next to them. "What's not to like?" Lily asked, grabbing Robin's beer and taking a sip, waiting for hers to arrive. "Robin's moving into my spare bedroom," Ted said with a sigh, and motioned at the frustrated suited man sitting across from him, "and for some reason Barney's completely against the idea."

The married couple exchanged worried glances. "You're moving in together?" Lily asked worriedly, shooting a glance at Barney who was intensely examining his scotch glass. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" Marshall chimed in, "Yeah, I mean, as much as Lily and I want some… alone time…" He glanced at Robin, "No offense," she just nodded, "Are you really sure you want your ex to move in with you? It just sounds like a recipe for disaster." Barney nodded, excited at the support. "E-XAC-tly."

Ted sighed and rolled his eyes. "You guys, seriously," he glanced at Robin for support then looked back at the table, "It's just fine. We've talked about it. It won't be awkward at all. We've both dated people since then – heck, I was even engaged! – and there's nothing there." Robin looked at him and smiled. "Right?" She nodded, "Right." She faced the table, "Honestly, we understand your concern, but we're both adults, and we know what we're doing. If we thought this was going to be the least bit awkward, we wouldn't do it. But it makes perfect sense – he has an empty room, I'm homeless, we get along well." Lily looked pointedly at her friend. "But, Robin… Think about this. Remember the last time you tried to move in with Ted? How it didn't work out at all?" Robin and Ted exchanged looks again and smiled. "Yeah, I think it'll be fine."

Barney groaned and leaned forward, putting his head in his hands. "This is going to be a HORRIBLE MISTAKE!" He declared mournfully. "You're still in the denial phase. Think about the Platinum Rule!" He said, sitting up straight with his index finger raised high. "You'll regret this! It'll just be like last time you tried to move in together…. Only worse! Except, I did score a Rockette last time…" He trailed off, staring off and smiling in remembrance. "A-HEM!" Robin cleared her throat, snapping her back to the present. "You'll get back together – I know you will," he said, glancing meaningfully at Robin, "And you'll make the rest of us so miserable because you broke up for a reason! OW!" He exclaimed, reaching under the table and rubbing his shin from where Robin had kicked him.

"Well," sighed Lily, "If you guys are set on it, I guess we can't talk you out of it." She took a sip of her beer. "Yeah," Marshall agreed reluctantly, "And I guess it does kind of make sense. Plus, it'll be easier when we all hang out if we don't all have to travel from separate places like we did today." Robin quickly averted her eyes, trying not to give anything away. She and Barney had actually been coming to MacLaren's from the _same_ place that night, dinner together, but had been careful to arrive at different times. Barney had ridden around the block in the cab a couple times before getting back, so as not to alert the gang that something was up.

Ted laughed, "Good. And why do you even care so much anyway, Barney?" Barney looked up sharply and began slowly tracing Robin's leg with his toe. "Because if you guys start dating again…" His foot momentarily paused, "Then I'll be losing my… Wingman," he stumbled, looking at Ted.

"You won't lose anything, I promise," Ted said, placing a reassuring hand on Barney's shoulder. "Yes, I will," he said quietly, dropping his foot and looking sadly at Robin.

******

"Don't you feel like you were being a bit obvious at the bar?" Asked Robin as she and Barney slowly walked down the street back to his apartment later that night. Barney shrugged, kicking at a discarded Coke can on the sidewalk. "No… I don't know," he said despondently. Robin wrinkled her eyebrows in concern and stepped closer to the man as they walked. "Then what's the big deal, Barney? Why do you care so much? Nothing's going to ha-" "Because something IS going to happen, Robin!" Barney exclaimed, stepping back from her touch and raising his voice. "It's inevitable. And it'll ruin everything!"

Robin stood back, surprised. "What do you mean, 'it's inevitable?' Ted and I are adults… not wild animals. I think we can control our impulses." She smiled and scooted closer to him again, "Besides, I have you for those impulses." He shook her off. "No, it'll mess it all up!" He insisted. "You'll get back together, and then I won't just be some 'man on the side' for you – I'll be breaking the Bro Code all over again! It'll ruin US and it'll wreck my broship with Ted!" Robin crossed her arms over her chest. "Barney. Let me restate. The idea of me and Ted… Again? Ew. Just no. No, no, NO!" She squinted in disgust.

Barney sighed and reached out for her hands. "Robin… I know you don't think it'll happen, and may not even want it to happen… But he's your ex," he explained patiently. "You have a history." He stepped closer to her and wrapped one arm around her waist, reaching up to brush the hair out of her face with the other. "And if I can turn 16 no's into a yes… Then Ted can easily do the same with just four no's."

Robin looked up at him with troubled eyes. "Barney?" She asked, right before he leaned in and kissed her, "What?" He paused. "There was a reason Ted and I broke up, remember?" Barney didn't draw back, still hovering above her lips. "Mmm-hmm…" "Those reasons haven't changed. We still want different things." Barney avoided her eyes, "Right. Like you don't want babies. And he does." Robin nodded, unsure at first, and then strengthening her resolve. "Right. I don't want babies. And neither do you." Barney continued to avoid her eyes and drew back. "Right. Kids are… just a horrible idea." Robin nodded.

They both looked at each other, quietly, under a street lamp. "You know, I just remembered something I've gotta do…" Barney said, scratching his head and breaking the spell. "So, uh, I'll see you later, Robin." With that, he waved and left the woman standing there, confused. "Right… See ya Barney," she said quietly, wondering what that was about. Later, when Robin was eating her Beer Float, maybe spiked with some extra Kahlua, and packing up her stuff at Marshall and Lily's place, she wondered if Barney was right. If she and Ted _were_ going to inevitably get back together. She shook the thought away and went back to folding clothes, trying to force the image of Jeremy's sock out of her mind. She didn't want babies. She didn't want babies.

Barney pulled Jeremy's sock out of his jacket as he sang onstage. He was drunk. He was singing in public about fathers and sons. And he was holding a baby's sock. He dropped the mike and walked offstage – he had to find someplace quiet. He eventually found his way up to the roof with a bottle of scotch in his hand, sitting in the cool evening air and watching the city life walk around beneath him. He couldn't let anyone see him like this. And he couldn't, _could NOT_, lose Robin.


	4. D

**Part Eleven**

"You know, one of these days Lily's going to demand to meet Jake," Robin said, rolling up on her elbow to face Barney. "Mmm-hmm," Barney murmered with closed eyes, snuggling deeper into the pillows on his bed. Robin smiled and lightly ran her fingers up and down his forearm sticking above the covers. "Barney…" She said softly. No response. "You said that, in order to prove I'm not just another one of your bimbos, you would actually _talk_ to me in bed, on occasion." Barney just smiled mischievously; eyes still closed, and tilted his head to catch her fingers with a kiss as they grazed over his shoulders. "And I want to talk," she said quietly, inching closer and closer to him.

"I was planning on talking to you, Scherbatsky, but I can't help it. It's your own damn fault for giving me the most comfortable pillow cases in the world," he said, mocking frustration, and flipped over onto his stomach, burying his head under a pillow and wrapping the covers tightly around his shoulders so none of him was exposed to the harsh reality of the waking world. "Hey!" She exclaimed, "Not fair!" She heard a quiet laugh escape from underneath the pillow. Barney raised one arm under the covers, inviting her in. She smiled with a surrendering, "Fine… We'll talk over brunch," and wiggled in close to him. His arm wrapped around her tight, surrounding her with the comforter. "Wait… brunch?!?" An alarmed, if muffled, voice rang out as she scooted closer. "That's pretty coupley of us." Robin laughed as she got comfortable. "Well, that's what you get, Stinson."

******

"I can't believe you talked me into going to brunch with you," Barney said in disbelief, staring down at the menu in his hand. "Seriously. I am breaking SO MANY awesome rules right now… I'm ashamed of myself." Robin laughed, amused at Barney's brief self-loathing. He set the menu down and looked at Robin, eyes wide. "I'm not even wearing a tie, Robin! I haven't ironed this shirt today! I am _barely_ suited up!" She continued to laugh and took a sip of her mimosa. "Whatever. I think it's sexy," she said, arching an eyebrow at the man sitting across from her.

He mirrored her expression, "Well, maybe I'll go sans-tie more often, then," he said in a deep, suggestive voice. "Or maybe, _you _could wear my tie…. Note to self…" Robin's laughter was interrupted by the waiter coming to take their orders. "So, as I was _trying_ to get you to talk about earlier this morning," Robin said when he left, "They're all going to start wondering when they can meet Jake. I keep using him as an excuse every time I stay with you."

Barney nodded, frowning in thought. "Well, you obviously have no Jake to show them. So just fake a break up," he said, shrugging. Robin looked at him, slightly surprised. "Well, that eliminates the Jake problem, but then what will be my excuse when I stay with you? Ted will start asking questions." Barney dropped his glance, suddenly intent on straightening his silverware. "Well, it's none of his damn business, is it," he muttered under his breath.

Robin leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest. "This again?" She breathed, exasperated. "Barney, I have told you over and over that _nothing_ is happening with Ted. And nothing _will_ happen with Ted. He's just… Ted." She shrugged. "Nothing for you to be worried about." Barney gave a nervous laugh, "Worried?! Not worried. Just, you know, looking out for your privacy. You're not used to having roommates…."

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever." Their food arrived and the two started eating silently, suddenly incredibly hungry. Robin was grateful for the distraction. Lately Ted _had_ started to act a little bit… different around her. More like the Ted he had been back when they were dating. He even had started using the nicknames he had used for her when they were together, which Robin hadn't… _really_ protested. And they had started to become more affectionate towards one another, which she was sure Barney had noticed, but that was merely them mending their friendship. They had been "just friends" once upon a time… Right?

"Robin?" Barney asked quietly, breaking her thoughts. She looked up. His food was untouched. "It's ok. We're not together," he said. "We can be with anyone we want, remember? And that includes Ted," he admitted, silently kicking himself for his honesty. "I'm just telling you, as a friend, and nothing more, that I think you and Ted getting back together would be a bad idea." Robin nodded, taking a bite out of her bacon. "You're right…" She reached out and touched his wrist lightly on top of the table. "And thank you. For the… freedom." He smiled at her touch. "Hey, that's what makes us so awesome, right?" She smiled, glad the moment had passed. "Right." "Non-committal five!" He exclaimed, sticking his hand up in the air.

"Barney? Robin?" Lily's incredulous voice approaching the table froze Robin's hand in mid-air. The two exchanged horrified glances before slowly lowering their arms and turning to face their friend. "Uh… What up?" Barney said, suddenly straightening his collar and fixing his hair. His voice was sharper, Robin realized, as he was suddenly "awesome," as he would say, and there was a nervous smirk on his lips.

"What are you guys doing here?" Marhsall asked as he followed his wife to Barney and Robin's table. "Are you… eating _brunch_ together?"

"NO!" Barney said quickly, too loudly, avoiding Lily's questioning eyes. "Yes!" Robin admitted at the same time. The two stared angrily and each other before Robin quickly snapped her head back to Lily. "Jake broke up with me!" She cried quickly, feigning devastation. Lily and Marshall instantly softened and pulled up two chairs from a nearby table. "Honey, what happened?" Lily placed a soft hand on Robin's arm. Robin stalled for time by taking a big gulp of mimosa and exchanging panicked looks with Barney over the glass. "He – he – he called me last night. At the office. _Called me_!" She sobbed, willing herself to tear up just a little. She had to sell this. "And told me that I just 'wasn't good enough' for him – do you believe that?" She chugged the remainder of the mimosa and slammed the glass on the table and wiped her eyes, checking to make sure there were tears starting to swell. "And he just _dumped me_, just like that, over the phone at my office in like 2 minutes!" She reached over to grab Barney's glass of mimosa and caught him throwing a very faint, proud smile her way. "He didn't even give me a chance to talk!"

She downed the rest of Barney's mimosa, giving herself time to think up the rest of her tale as Marhsall and Lily made understading, apologetic agreements. "So… I was upset last night," she resumed, taking a breath to steady herself – these mimosas were surprisingly _strong_ – so I just threw myself into my work. I didn't realize what time it was until Barney found me in the office this morning.

"Uh… Yeah," Barney slowly agreed in response to the glare Robin was throwing him. The married couples' eyes were now on him. "Yeah," he said again, more sure of himself. "I actually spent the night in the office, too…" He straitened his shirt and winked at them. "I had to get something in… The SECRETARY! Office sex five!" He said, extending his hand towards Marshall. Lily rolled her eyes and turned her focus on Robin, while Marshall grinned and gave Barney a small high-five in response. "So… Barney found me this morning, asleep at my desk, and said he would buy me breakfast to cheer me up!" Robin said, finishing their lie.

She turned to face Barney who was grinning wildly at her. "Yup!" He agreed cheerfully. "Well told, Scherbatsky," he said, crossing his arms and tilting his chair back slightly. Robin smiled for a moment then remembered she was supposed to be upset. She buried her hand in her hands to hide her smile and held her breath, hoping they would buy this.

A brief pause. Then, "Oh, honey, I'm SO SORRY!" Lily exclaimed, giving her a tight hug. "Yeah, that sucks," Marshall said sympathetically. "But way to kick ass at your job." Robin smiled, still in Lily's embrace. "Thanks, Marshall…. I'm just sad you guys never even got to meet him – he was so sweet," she said wistfully, pulling away from Lily. "No, he was NOT!" Barney said, suddenly once again becoming the center of attention. Lily, Marshall and Robin looked on inquisitively. "You met him?" Asked Marshall. "Yeah," Barney said, looking at Robin, "He came by the office once or twice to take Robin out to lunch. Real jerk, if you ask me." Robin raised an eyebrow. "I mean, the dude broke up with you over the phone, Robin. _Over the phone_. Broke up with… YOU. I mean," he continued, motioning for the waiter to refill their mimosas. "If anything, you deserve to be dumped in person. Think of the hot, hate-filled sex that guy missed out on."

The three shot him a disapproving glance. "Well, despite his… _reasons_ for being in the office so late, Barney surprisingly did do the right thing. You do need to be cheered up!" Lily said. "We were going to wait for our own table, but we'll just join you for brunch!" Marshall smiled, eying Robin's Belgian waffles hungrily. "And then, you and I will go shopping!" Lily finished, smiling at Robin. Marshall glanced at her sharply. "Or… _You'll _shop and _I'll _tag along!" She corrected herself nervously.

******

"So Jake broke up with you, huh?" Ted asked that night as Robin was brushing her teeth. She nodded and continued brushing, afraid to discuss it further in case the lie unraveled. He lingered in the bathroom, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. "So… You must be pretty broken up about it, right?" Robin ducked her head and kept brushing, nodding again. She wasn't sure she liked where this was going.

Ted walked up behind her and started rubbing her back soothingly. "There, there, it's fine," he murmured. Robin froze momentarily. _What_ was Ted doing? She just nodded again, standing up straight and smiling. "I'm fine," she said through a mouth full of toothpaste. Now if you don't mind, I need to use the bathroom. She turned and started spitting into the sink. "Hey, no problem… _Roomie_," Ted said awkwardly, pointing at her and winking like he had just told a joke, and strolled out of the bathroom.

Robin closed the door and locked it quickly. Dammit. Barney had been right. She _hated_ it when Barney was right. This was _not _good. She took a moment to collect her thoughts, taking her time as she washed her face and changed into her pajamas – the _least_ sexy thing she owned, long-sleeved flannel pj top and XL flannel pants – and walked out of the bathroom. Thankfully, Ted wasn't in the living room or the kitchen and his bedroom door was closed. She breathed a sigh of relief and made her way to her bedroom.

"Hey, Roomie!" Ted said cheerfully, calling out to her right as she was about to open her door. He walked up to her, resting against her bedroom door. Robin's eyes widened as she held he breath nervously. "Listen, I was thinking we could watch a movie together or something." He held up a DVD in one hand and a 6-pack of beers in the other. "Or, you know, just have a couple drinks." Robin looked at him, annoyed, then at the clock on the wall. "Ted, it's 3 a.m. I need to get to bed. I am tired. I have had a _very _long Saturday, and I'm already sufficiently tipsy from McLaren's. So just… calm down, ok?' She leaned possessively against her bedroom door, edging him away, and crossed her arms. She clenched her teeth, hoping he didn't try to open the door…

"Well, fine, your call," Ted said, defeated. He stood up in a huff. "I was just trying to cheer you up from the break-up," he said. Robin smiled, humoring him. "Well, that's very nice of you Ted, but I'm just fine. It's not a big deal." Ted looked at her, not buying it. "I promise," she said reassuringly, placing a hand on his arm. "I'm fine." Ted nodded in acceptance. "Ok, but if you ever need someone to comfort you… You know where I am," he smiled, pointing at his door. Robin smiled and laughed nervously, "Uh, yup! I'll remember that!" She waited until he was back in his room before she opened her door. "Good night, Ted!"

She quickly entered her room and locked the door behind her. Barney slowly stood up from where he had been trying to hide behind the bureau. "Well, _that_ was close," he said quietly, straightening his tie nervously. "Yeah," Robin agreed, crawling onto her bed and collapsing. "I was just _so tired_, I didn't want to have to deal with his 'I'm-your-best-friend act' tonight." Barney nodded silently, kicking off his shoes and loosening his tie. "Yup…" Robin looked at him as he sat next to her, leaning into the pillows. "What?" Barney just smiled wistfully. "Nothing, Robin, I'm not even going to say anything any more." Robin nodded, finally admitting that she knew exactly what Barney was talking about. She snuggled her head against his chest and looked up at him, "Yeah… He wants me." Barney just nodded, not making eye contact. Robin sat up, forcing herself in his line of vision. "But I don't want _him_." She said firmly. "And now _I'm _done talking about it." Barney smiled, "Fine." He leaned over and pulled something out from underneath Robin's bed. "Now… I brought you a present."

Robin's eyes widened. It was a bottle of scotch and travel-size edition of Battleship. "I was thinking… _strip_ Battleship?" Barney suggested, wiggling his eyebrows. Robin smiled and reached for the bottle. "You're on."

**Part Twelve**

"I can't believe you told Marshall about our conference calls," Robin said, straightening her blouse. "Well, it's not like I meant to – he forced it out of me," replied Barney, taking a swig of beer. He looked out over the city from the roof of the Ultracell building. "But it's not a big deal. It'd be fun for him to join us, don't you think?"

He turned and faced Robin, who was leaning over and strapping on her shoes. She looked up at him, not amused. "Uh… NO, Barney, it would not be fun. He's _married_." Barney laughed and took another swallow. "Ha – No, not the roof sex. For the beer afterwards part." He smiled and leaned against the wall, raising an eyebrow at Robin. "Interesting that you only said no because he was married though…" He gazed into the distance, "I wonder if I found an _unmarried_ individual… Female, of course…"

Robin straightened and cut him off. "Save it, Barney," she said, rolling her eyes and grabbing a beer. "But you're right, it would be fun for Marshall to join us for beers."

Barney nodded, pulling his iPhone out. "That reminds me," he said, glancing at the time, "Marshall should be up here soon." Robin looked at him quizzically, shrugged, and twisted off the top of the bottle. "Whatever," she said nonchalantly, looking over the skyline and enjoying the view.

At that moment, the door to the roof slammed open and Marshall walked out, smiling broadly. "Automatic reminder in Outlook? Nice," he said appreciatively at Barney, grabbing a beer, shrugging off his jacket, and leaning against the wall. "Hey, Robin!"

Robin smiled and nodded silently. They three made their way to a higher part of the roof, beers in hand, and sat on a flat area to survey the scenery. Several moments of contented silence passed between the friends until Marshall spoke up. "You know, now that Ted's on board with the new building, he can join us on conference calls, too." Barney, attention still directed at skyline, gave a lopsided grin, "Yeah." Robin nodded.

Marshall turned to look at Robin, waiting her reply, when something unusual caught his eye. "Uh, Robin?" She turned towards him, eyebrows raised, "Hmm?" "Why are you wearing Barney's tie?" Marshall asked slowly, pointing at the dark blue fabric loosely hanging around Robin's neck. Robin's hand shot to her throat and her eyes grew wide, "I, I, I…" She stuttered. "Is that chick naked?!" Barney suddenly asked, incredulous, and leaned forward, squinting at a building across the street from them. Marshall and Robin both instantly focused their attention on the adjacent building. "Where!?" Robin asked excitedly, still a bit panicked. Barney pulled a pair of mini-binoculars out of his suit pocket and offered them to Marshall who waved them off, "I love my wife, I love my wife, I love my wife," he started repeating over and over, squeezing his eyes shut. Barney shrugged, then offered them to Robin, throwing her a conspiratorial wink. "About the third or forth floor about that landing with the red chair on it." He pointed, leaning closer to her. "We're gonna have to be more careful about that next time," he whispered, his lips brushing her ear. Robin leaned forward with the binoculars, pretending not to notice. She glanced quickly back at Marshall, who was still squeezing his eyes shut.

Barney reached over and slipped the tie off and quickly tucked it in his pocket. "Dammit, she left," he said loudly, sighing. Marshall opened his eyes. "Good." Robin made a disappointed noise and passed the binoculars back to Barney. "Well, gentleman, I believe it's time to get back to work," she said reluctantly after her Blackberry vibrated loudly. The friends sighed, finished off their beers, and headed back in for the rest of the workday.

******

"Hey, is there any extra shrimp sauce in that bag?" Robin mumbled through a mouthful of chicken fried rice. She nodded a thanks when Barney found a packet and handed it to her, and continued digging through her Chinese take-out. "I can't believe we're still here," she sighed after swallowing, turning her attention to the computer screen. Barney glanced at the clock in her office from his perch on the chair in front of her desk. 9:34 p.m. "Meh," he shrugged, slipping off his shoes and stretching his legs up to prop on the edge of her desk. "Not the latest I've worked," he said nonchalantly, returning to his take-out.

The couple had been at work for the past three hours constructing a comprehensive message for the investor relations presentation Robin was going to deliver the following morning. Amidst the announcement that the economy was officially in recession, Ultracell had been bombarded with calls and questions from the media regarding their quarterly earnings and potential lay-offs. As one of the largest employers in the city, Robin had been working 11 hour workdays and barely eating or sleeping. She hadn't seen the rest of the gang in about two weeks and only saw Barney at work, too tired to drop by his apartment when she finally left the office. Thus, Barney had taken to working late too so they could spend time together at the office – for the past few days he'd surprised her by bringing her favorite foods in for dinner while she worked.

Robin was silent for a few moments, and bit on her chopsticks absentmindedly as she contemplated the words on the screen. Barney smiled quietly and watched her, engrossed by her work. They had fallen into a groove over the past two months or so – they ate most of their meals together, they talked on the phone when he was away on business trips, and she spent the night at his apartment most nights when she wasn't too tired. They had even started texting each other in the middle of drinks and MacLaren's when they were surrounded by the rest of the gang – both claiming it was "work." Marshall was too distracted by Lily's ever-changing desire to want to have a baby (She changed her mind every day – as far as Barney could tell, the only thing holding her back was the realization that they didn't make designer maternity clothes) to wonder why _he _wasn't constantly receiving messages from the office, and Ted was too distracted by Emily (the girl Robin had introduced him to in order to stop his flirting with her) to wonder the same.

Robin was so engrossed reading the document that she didn't notice the shrimp sauce about to drip from the end of her chopstick onto her lap. Barney smirked and grabbed a napkin to catch it before it ruined her new skirt – which he had bought for her and hung in his closet, silently encouraging her to leave stuff at his place. Robin's eyes flitted from the screen to his hand with the napkin, quickly shot him a smile when she realized what had happened, stuck the chopsticks into the now empty take-out box, and went back to the document. Barney smiled again, collecting the empty boxes and cleaning up their mess. He had realized two weeks ago that he and Robin were dating. Neither one had really said anything to initiate an official "are we/aren't we" conversation, it had just happened. After realizing that he was in a monogamous relationship, Barney had freaked out and run straight to the bar, making out with the first bimbo he saw. But he hadn't been able to seal the deal, thinking the whole time of sleeping with Robin in his arms that night, and had left the bar the moment the blonde had gone to the bathroom. That night, he had told Robin about it, and when she gave him the whole "it's ok, Barney, we're not exclusive," he had shut her up with a look and said merely, "Well, I am." Later that night she had whispered "I am too" as they drifted off, wrapped around each other.

Barney broke out of his reflection when Robin suddenly sat up, ran a hand through her hair and tiredly said, "I think this is it." She hit the print button and started organizing the piles of papers on her desk. "You know, as tired as I am, I still think we could make it to MacLaren's," Robin thought out loud, yawning. She closed her laptop and locked it in the top drawer, desk now organized. "I haven't seen them in so long, you know?" Barney nodded, getting up, and straightened his tie with a wink at Robin. "True, we could do that," he started, arching his eyebrow. She smiled, questioningly. "Or…." He leaned forward and swept all the papers she had just organized off her desk onto the floor and jumped onto the desk. "We could do something else entirely." Robin laughed, putting a hand to her mouth. "Well…. Since you already made the mess, it would be a shame to waste the empty desk," she smiled.

******

"Where's Robin?" Ted wondered, glancing around the bar. "I thought you said she was going to be able to make it tonight," he said, directing his gaze to Barney. Barney took a sip of scotch before replying. "And she WILL be here, Ted," he said condescendingly. "She had to give a big presentation to the investors this morning," he explained, glancing at Marshall who had been present. "Yeah, and she kicked ass," Marshall contributed. Barney nodded, holding back a proud smile, "And as we were leaving to come over here this afternoon, Randy said he had to talk to her real quick. She told me she would just meet us all here." Barney set the glass down, shrugging casually at the mention of Robin's boss. "I'm sure it's not a big deal, he probably just wanted to applaud her. Marshall's right, she did do a great job."

Lily and Ted nodded and went back to the menu. In celebration of Robin's presentation, or as Lily called it, "Release back into the Real World," now that she would be able to leave work at a reasonable hour, they had all decided to meet at MacLaren's early for dinner. "I'm thinking we get cheese sticks for appetizers, yes?" She asked the group, not waiting for a response before Wendy the Waitress walked up and Lily ordered them anyway. Marshall smiled at his wife – mozzarella sticks had been his favorite food since 6th grade. An hour went by during which the friends ordered two more appetizers waiting for Robin. Finally, 8:30 rolled around and Lily looked at Barney. "Are you sure she's coming?" She asked pointedly, ready to get some real food. Barney shot her a look, "Why are you asking me?" Lily sighed, unwilling to get into the argument that she had figured out that the two were _obviously_ dating, although Ted and Marshall somehow still seemed completely oblivious. "Just call her, Barney." He shot her another, more intense look. "Fine."

He pulled out his phone and tapped it once before putting it to his ear. Lily, sitting next to him, smirked. Robin was #2 on his speed dial. "Hey, Scherbatsky," Barney said casually. "What up?! You comin or what?" He smiled at his watching friends as he spoke. A moment later his face dropped. "Wait, what?" His voice was quiet and sincere. He stood and walked toward the opposite side of the bar, looking for privacy. "Why? Where are you?" The gang heard as he leaned against the wall, worry creasing his forehead.

The three remaining at the table exchanged worried looks, but kept quiet as the tried to overheard Barney's conversation. "But…. Robin, you can't just do that…. it was all of…. how did they find… ok?... baby, I'm coming… there in a minute." Pieces of their conversation floated back to the table, but for the most part, the three were in the dark. Barney slammed his finger on the iPhone, ending the conversation, and went straight to the bar to get a shot from Carl. Stalking back to their table, Barney slammed the now empty shot glass on the table. "Dammit!" He was pissed. "What's wrong?" Lily asked, placing a calming hand on his arm. He didn't sit or look at any of them as he pulled out his wallet. "The one problem with iPhones is when you're angry you can't slam them closed," he snapped. Lily waited calmly for the rest of the story. Barney pulled out some cash and threw it on the table. "Robin was fired," he snapped, wincing on the last word. Their eyes went wide. "But WHY?" Marshall asked, shocked. "She was great." Barney nodded, clenching his jaw. "Apparently someone found out about our _conference calls_ and linked it to Robin. Randy said he couldn't condone drinking on company time." He rolled his eyes, spitting out the last sentence. Ted was shocked, "But he's a drunk!" He exclaimed. Barney pointed at Ted. "Bingo." Marshall and Ted exchanged looks as Barney downed the rest of his scotch that had been sitting on the table. "Well, are _we _fired?" Marshall asked, echoing the question they had both been thinking. Lily's eyes widened as she looked up at Barney.

Barney slammed the empty glass on the table, avoiding their eyes. "Nope." He said simply. "She took the hit for all of us, said she was the only one doing it." With that, he grabbed his jacket and stormed out of MacLaren's.

The three quietly looked at one another, taking it all in for a minute. Marshall stared hungrily at the remaining mozzarella stick, but knew it was not an appropriate time to give into his hunger. After a few moments of silence, Ted sat up, voicing what Lily had been thinking. "Wait… Did he call her _baby_?"

**Part Thirteen**

"I didn't even do anything wrong," Robin muttered, slamming an empty shot glass on the counter. She glanced up at Barney. "Again."

He nodded slightly, using every Jedi mind-trick in the book to control a smirk. He silently filled the glass again for Robin, reminding himself that this was a _bad_ place for Robin. She was _not _happy. She had just lost her job, and it was actually his fault. A fact he should be ripping himself to death with guilt over. But instead, he was completely unable to think about anything other than how damn cute she was when she was angry and drunk.

"And it's not like _Raaandy _even blamed me for it, you know," she said in the voice a drunk person uses when they think they're being quite logical and everyone around them is a complete idiot. She sat up straight, her head high and chin up. "He knew." She stated simply. She wagged her finger at him. "Oh, ho-ho, he knew. Believe you me, my friend. Believe you me." She took the shot and placed it back on the bar. Barney nodded again, faking a cough to cover a laugh that just had to escape. "Another please, sir!" He filled the glass with more tequila. "What did he know, Robin?"

"About us." She said simply. Barney's eyes widened, momentarily panicked. Robin caught the look and paused, the shot halfway to her mouth. "No, no, no, no, no! Not about _us _us silly," she slurred, taking the shot and placing a reassuring hand on Barney's exposed arm, shirt sleeves now rolled up to protect the expensive fabric from cleaning up Robin's first spilled drink. "About _us_, the four – wait…" Robin squinted, pointing at imaginary figures in front of her. "Ted, Marshall, Barney, Scherbatsky, four." She dropped her finger, proud, and looked back up. "Yeah, the _four_ of us, being on the roof. I don't think he knows _who _the other guys were, but he knows I wasn't alone." Barney couldn't help himself. He smiled broadly at hearing Robin refer to herself as Scherbatsky – even though it was her last name, Barney considered it his pet nickname for his girlfr… Well, girl. _His_ girl. He'd work on the title part later. That was future Barney's problem.

"So… I told Randy, ya know what?" At this point, Robin just leaned forward and grabbed the tequila bottle straight out of Barney's hand. Barney reached out, briefly planning to snatch it back to avoid another spilled drink incident, but thought better of it and pulled his hand back when he saw Robin possessively wrapping her arms around the half-empty bottle. "I told him," she paused and took _big _swig of the drink. "I told him that it was just me, and I was sorry I had let him down, but I hadn't realized it was a big deal… Played dumb, ya know?" She took another swig. "I guess he didn't buy it, eh?"

Barney crossed his arms and leaned back against the fridge, giving up on trying to limit Robin's alcoholic intake tonight. Clearly the woman was intent on getting full-out plastered, so he may as well enjoy it. She did look really cute, in a disheveled kind of way. Her hair had fallen out of the bun he had watched her fix that morning, laying in bed and watching her go through the steps of getting ready for her day. She was still wearing a work blouse, now unbuttoned low enough that Barney could catch a glimpse of his favorite bra on her, but she had apparently decided that the work skirt that matched the blouse was too restrictive, and had already changed into ultra-short pajama shorts before he had even made it home. Where he had found her snuggled into a corner of his couch, quietly nursing a beer and staring off into space.

After talking her through the momentary panic attack, calming her down from the brief depression, and reassuring her that she was an amazing, amazing worker and if _he _hadn't been so stupid to start the conference call idea, she would still have the job, Robin had moved swiftly past the sad phase directly into the "get drunk" phase.

Which is why Barney was now watching Robin, amused, from behind his bar. He had had a few drinks himself, in order to drown out his overwhelming sense of guilt that _he _was the one responsible for getting his girlfr… his girl fired, but only a few. He wanted to remain alert enough to take care of what was quickly becoming a _very _drunk Robin.

"But he said we could come to an arrangement," she said, snapping her fingers at Barney. "Pay attention!" He looked up, smiling, "Yes ma'am!" She resumed, "I asked him what kind of arrangement did he mean, and he said the kind where I could keep my job, and I said I liked that arrangement, let's do that arrangement, uh-huh, I'm on board, Raaaandy," Robin rambled, slurring the man's name intentionally, as Barney stiffened. He squinted at Robin, dreading what was coming. "And then I said what kind of an arrangement do you have in mind, eh?" She paused, taking another swig. "And then he said, 'oh, I can think of _many_ arrangements I'd like to put you in,' you woulda been proud, Barn, it was real sleazy, great line, it was." Barney clinched his jaw, commanding himself to remain quiet until he heard the whole story. "And then I said, 'oh-ho-ho, mister, I don't think so, I'm not gonna do that!'" Barney's jaw relaxed slightly, proud of Robin. His hands balled into fists as he visualized exactly what he was going to do to Randy's face the following day…. Or, he reasoned, at least what he was going to tell _Marshall _to do to Randy's face.

He leaned over the bar and gave Robin a quick kiss on the forehead, "Well, I'm glad you said that, baby. I don't think I would've been able to work in the same office as you two, knowing that you…" He trailed off, unwilling to visualize it. Robin looked up him, eyebrows raised. "Well, I'm not done!" Barney raised his eyebrows. "Ok. What happened after you told him you weren't that kind of girl?" She smiled broadly. "I punched him!" She raised her right hand and spread her fingers, showing off knuckles that were still very pink. "He totally deserved it! I made him bleed!" She said proudly.

Barney laughed, a little thrown off. He had known Robin could take care of herself, maybe even had a bit of a violent streak but… "You punched him hard enough to bleed because he said one suggestive thing?" Barney smirked, "Damn, it's a good thing I kept a filter on all the things I wanted to say to you for the first 3 years of our friendship…" Robin smiled, still proud. "Yup! I punched 'em, just cause 'a what he said." She frowned for a minute, brow furrowed thinking, "Oh yeah, and, well, this." She pointed at her thigh and took another swig. Barney frowned. "What?" He leaned over the bar but couldn't see what Robin was pointing at. He walked around the bar to see where Robin was pointing, at a handprint-sized bruise on her thigh.

His eyes widened and he grabbed Robin's shoulders. "Robin!" He looked up at her, eyes wide. She looked at him, eyes equally wide. She put down the bottle on the counter. "What?!" He got down on a knee, looking closer. "Robin! Are you ok? Did he hurt you?" Robin's eyes grew wider. "Uh… Yeah. I'm fine." She held up her hand again. "I punched him, remember?" Barney stood, cupping her face in his hands. "So he grabbed you? Is that all that happened? Did he…" he swallowed, fearing the worst, "try anything else?"

Robin shook herself free of the upset man in front of her and grabbed the bottle, finishing the last drop. "Geez, Barn, no, nothing else happened. He grabbed me and I hit 'em. He should know better than to rumble with a Canuk." Barney didn't even crack a smile. Instead he stood abruptly and started pacing. Anger was burning through his veins. He couldn't _believe_ that guy had _touched _Robin. He was going to kill him... He was actually going to kill him. He felt like punching something, hard. He looked around the room. If Robin hadn't been there, he probably would have punched a whole in the wall. Or at the very least thrown something off his balcony – he'd done it before. He briefly wished, despite the circumstances, that Randy was there, right then in the apartment, just so he could both beat the guy _and_ impress Robin. But he wasn't.

Robin sighed and stood. "Well, if you're done throwing your little temper tantrum, I'm gonna go sleep now," she said, grasping the bar for balance. She focused on a point on the floor for a moment, then looked up, satisfied that she could stand. "Night, Barn."

Barney remained in the living room, livid and pacing. He kicked the couch a few times, careful to remove his shoes so as not to scuff the leather. _He_ had ruined Robin's life. _He _had gotten her fired because _he _wasn't mature enough to understand that you don't drink on the roof of your office building. _He _was the one who got her a job in Randy's department… Randy, a notorious drunk and womanizer. Barney paused briefly to recall how well, up until Robin's confession, he had always gotten along with Randy. Shaking his head, Barney resumed pacing. He should never have gotten involved with Robin, he was bringing her down.

"Barney?" He stopped pacing suddenly when he heard Robin's voice coming from the bedroom. "You comin' or what?" Barney half-grinned as he made his way to the bedroom. He may not deserve her, but he was with her. And she was perfect. Barney slipped under the covers to wrap his arms around her. She snuggled closer. "What would I do without you, Barney?" She sighed. He stiffened. 'Be a lot better off,' he thought to himself. "Well, you'd probably smell a lot less like Spring Break right now," he said, "and smell a lot more dirty bar." She smiled, turning towards him and giggled. "Yeah." She agreed. "And I'd probably be still in Tokyo – all alone and sad." She looked into his eyes. "Thanks, Barn." He looked at her, only inches away, and raised his eyebrow. "For what?" He asked softly. "For being with me…. I… I like it. A lot." After the confession, Robin quickly shut her eyes and snuggled into Barney's chest.

Barney squeezed her close and stared blankly across the room. He was not one to cry, ever… But he maybe understood why some people could, in moments like these.

******

Robin, Barney reflected, incredibly impressed, could _really_ hold her liquor. Sure, she wasn't 'vomit free since '93', but neither was Ted, the lying bastard. And Barney had seen Robin drink before, but never this much, and he was impressed that she didn't throw up or even fall over once the next morning. She had awoken with a minor hangover, but a tall glass of water and a bagel later, she acted completely normal. Barney shook his head in a combination of admiration and disgust. Some people were just born perfect.

After a shower… maybe together… the couple discussed their days. As they got ready, Barney offered to help Robin start the job search, make a few calls, call in a few favors… But she had put her foot down. She said she had been getting calls from various companies recently, anyway, following-up on the resumes she had submitted back when she quit Metro News One.

"You know how it is with those big companies," she said, "It sometimes takes months for them to sift through resumes." Barney nodded, still not convinced, careful not to nick himself while shaving in the mirror. Even if Robin didn't want help finding her next job, he sure could do something about how she lost her last one. Barney already had 5 different elaborate plans to thoroughly and completely kick Randy's ass and ruin his life, career, and social status. He smirked. It was going to be legen – wait for it – "Damn!" He had been smiling so much at the thought of a bruised and broken Randy lying in the gutter somewhere that he had cut his chin. He grabbed a towel and dabbed at the mark.

"Barney, I appreciate the help, I really do," Robin said, toweling her hair off as he stood in front of her, moving on to brushing his teeth. "But I think I just really need to do this for myself, you know? And I apologize for being… Less than awesome last night." Barney smirked, slightly, careful not to spill any toothpaste. "I just needed to forget everything for a little bit, so I guess getting hammered was the quickest way to do that," she reasoned, hanging the towel – the one he had quietly bought for her a few weeks ago – next to its matching towel on the rod. "I'm fine now. I have a bit of clarity, you know?" Barney nodded, spitting into the sink.

Robin looked in the mirror, reflecting on her situation. "I'm fine." She breathed a big sigh. "I can do this." Barney nodded, wiping his mouth and standing up. "You can do anything, Scherbatsky," he said quietly, hugging her from behind and looking over her shoulder at their reflection in the mirror.

She sighed and lay her head on his shoulder, still looking at them in the mirror, and rested her hands over his. They started swaying, ever so slightly, back and forth. Robin smiled softly and leaned back, closing her eyes. "Mmm… This is perfect. I don't want to have to leave."

Barney smiled in turn, gazing in the reflection at Robin. She was in his bathrobe and he was half-suited up, wearing his pants and belt. He never put on his shirt before brushing his teeth or shaving, in fear of ruining the pristine fabric. Robin sighed again, burrowing further into his shoulder. Barney's smile slowly melted away as he stared at her. God, she was beautiful. His eyes widened as he just stood, looking at her. He stopped swaying, his hold on her tightening. "Robin?"

"Hmm?" She asked, eyes still closed, the edges of her mouth still contentedly turned up. Barney could actually see the sweat on his forehead. He was shocked she couldn't feel his heart hammering through his chest. He opened his mouth, taking a deep breath. "I love you."


	5. E

**Part Fourteen**

_A/N: In response to your MULTITUDE of comments… To be 100% honest, I had completely forgotten that there was a guy at Barney's work on the show actually named Randy. So please consider this to be a different Randy, I guess. Or, if you already had your heart set on it being the Randy you're familiar with, you're going to have to develop your own backstory on how he goes from a total dweeb to a drunk womanizer. (I'm thinking of the right guy, right? The adorable SNL guy Barney tries to make his rebound bro?) Anyway… On a side note, "Commentary: The Musical" on the Dr. Horrible DVD is the best thing that happened in 2008. It's official. Especially Nathan Fillnow's song "I'm Better than Neil." Moving on…_

_A/N PS – Yes, this part is shorter than usual. But I hit a great cliffhanger and decided to hold off on the next part. Enjoy. I like comments ___

"I love you."

Barney squeezed his eyes shut, held his breath, tightened his grip around Robin, pursed his lips, and mentally prepared himself for the awkward silence that was sure to follow his declaration.

Robin would shake free from his grasp, smile nervously, and slowly back towards the door, trying but failing miserably to come up with a lame excuse to rush out, like she did that time the couple had planned to use Robin's obvious turn-on with fighting as a way to reveal their couple-ness to the group. They had devised a plan in which they would start dating, Robin inspired by Barney's newfound street fighter skills, and eventually ease their relationship onto the group. But then damn _Marshall_ had ruined the whole thing, forcing Robin to act instantly uninterested.

Barney frowned, remembering Robin's inability to devise a quick lie or recovery. She had backed away toward her bedroom, stuttering. Yes, this moment would be just like this. Any minute now, Robin would twist free and leave him, alone, in his misery, just like Shannon had, leaving nothing but a "that uh, that uh, that uh," in her wake. He should probably just go ahead and go buy that $400 bottle of scotch he'd been eying at McL-

"Barney!" Robin's voice cut through his pessimistic predictions as she shook his arms lightly. Barney opened his eyes, suddenly remembering where he was. Robin had already broken free from his grasp, he realized instantly, his stomach sinking down to his feet. She was standing a foot away from him and had turned him so their bodies were now facing one another. She was grasping his shoulder, shaking him slightly.

"Helllo-oo, are you there? Barney?" Barney forced a small, mournful smile. "Yeah…. Sorry." Robin raised her eyebrows. "You ok there? You kinda drifted off for a bit. And…" She pulled her hand off his shoulder briefly. "You're sweating. A lot."

"'m fine," Barney muttered, pulling away and running his fingers through his hair. He turned his attention back to the mirror. Dammit. She wasn't going to say it. If she was going to say it back, she would have said it by now. Dammit. Instead, she was just ignoring it. _Dammit_. He leaned over the sink, steadying himself with one hand and he pretended to examine his shave. He really just needed an excuse to lean against something.

"Barney!" Robin's voice commanded him once more. He turned to face her, now standing with her feet shoulder width apart, hands on her hips. She was staring him down. "Don't do that." He blanked. "What?" He leaned back on the counter again, this time with his elbow. He feigned coolness, "I'm not doing anything." "Yes, yes you are." Robin marched towards him and grabbed him, pulling him up to his feet.

Barney looked down at her, surprised. "You're doing that thing where you put yourself on the line but automatically assume it's not going to work out for your, so you resign yourself to failure." Barney's eyes got wide. "What are you talki-" "But I'm not going to let you do that this time, Stinson." Robin reached out for his hands and held them in her own, the two of them now staring into one another's eyes. "You didn't even give me the chance to say I love you too, you jerk."

Barney froze. Robin smiled and pulled him closer so her arms were wrapped around his shoulders. Barney's arms hung limp on his sides as he tried to process what was going on. "You… But… How… You…" Robin smiled broader. "Shut up," she whispered before pressing her mouth onto his. That was all he needed to snap out of his shock. Barney grabbed Robin suddenly and pulled her away for an instant, "Randy's going to have to deal with me out sick today," he whispered hoarsely, before pressing his lips back on hers and wrapping his arms tight around the woman he loved.

******

_went back home for visit for few days – needed some time away. call u when im back. love you guys, rs_

"Well, I guess Robin fled the country," Marshall joked, looking up from the text message Robin had sent all 4 of the friends simultaneously. Barney smirked as he closed his phone, careful not to show Ted sitting next to him the rest of his message inbox, filled with texts from Scherbatsky.

"I think it's a good idea," Lily reflected, motioning at Wendy. "I mean, her life has been really hectic lately." The gang all nodded in agreement, taking sips of their drinks. "It has been a whirlwind couple of months for her lately, hasn't it?" Marshall said.

"So Barney, what did she say?" Ted directed towards the suited man, still tapping away on his iPhone. Barney didn't look up, just continued tapping and responded "Hmm?" "About the job? How did she get fired." Barney's eyes remained fixed on the screen, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. "Oh! Uh… Well, she'll figure it out. Randy, the dirty jackass, fired her…" He looked up, the smile suddenly gone, "Which reminds me, Marshall, I have a _very serious_ business proposal for you." He returned to the screen when Marshall nodded, "And she said she would just follow-up on some leads she had with a couple tv stations. She isn't... wasn't too worried. Last night, I mean. When we talked. On the phone."

He coughed but kept his eyes fixed on the screen. Ted, apparently unsatisfied with this answer and still curious, leaned over. "Did we overhear you call her baby?" Barney froze, looking up. "Uh… no." He glanced at Lily, who shot him an uneasy smile. "I mean…" He continued nervously. Lily pursed her lips and nodded. "Well… When?" "Last night," Ted said, "When you were talking to her over there." He pointed to the wall Barney had been leaning against during his phone call the previous night.

"Uh…. Yeah!" He responded, slipping his phone back into his pocket and standing. "Yeah, it's um… It's an inside joke. She hates it when I call women at work 'baby,' so since she was upset last night, I said it to try to make her laugh." Ted, satisfied, sat back and continued nursing his beer. Marshall and Lily, however, exchanged glances. "Ok, Barney, whatever you say." Marshall said, smiling pointedly at Barney, who was now pulling out some money for his beer. "Where are you going?"

Barney glanced at his watch. "Got a date with a spicy redhead I met last night after talking to Robin." Barney nodded at Ted. "You two have the _hottest_ neighbors, Ted." He straightened his tie, "Now, if you old folks need any hot, lust-filled stories to fill your boring lives, give me a call tomorrow. Lyndsay is a gymnastics instructor." He winked at the table, snapped his tongue, and spun on his heel to leave the bar.

"Wait? There's a redhead gymnast in our building? Where does she live?!" Smiling, Barney swung open the door and walked into the night, ignoring Ted's desperate pleas echoing after him.

******

For the next few days, Barney and Robin disappeared from the word. Barney told his friends he had to go on a business trip and told his work he was taking a couple vacation days. He carefully phrased his vacation request so if Marshall or Ted caught wind of the situation at the office they wouldn't get suspicious. Robin told her friends she was in Canada and told her family she still had her Ultracell job in NYC. The couple spent hours on end doing literally nothing together. Laying in bed, watching TV… Laying on the couch, reading… Ordering in from every Chinese and Pizza take-out place in a 10 block radius…. And, of course, getting a little exercise together. Barney wouldn't admit it, but there was nothing he would rather do than lay in bed with his arms wrapped around Robin, in her sweatshirt no less, watching Letterman. They had both said "love" once or twice since the original moment, but neither wanted to overuse the word and lose its meaning.

"So I got a phone call today from these guys at WABC," Robin said with a mouthful of ice-cream. She licked the spoon as she passed the bowl to Barney, who dug in with his own spoon. "Yeah?" He asked, passing the ice-cream back. "Apparently," she continued, digging back into the gallon, "They have a job opening for a morning news anchor and they want me to interview!" Barney collected the last bit of ice-cream from the bottom of the tub and held out his spoon to Robin. "Really?!" His eyes lit up. "Scherbatsky, that's amazing! I'm so proud of you!" She smiled broadly and leaned forward, eating the last of the ice-cream off Barney's spoon. "I can't wait to hear all abou-"

"Barney? Robin!?!" Lily and Marshall opened the door and walked into Barney's living room. "What are you guys do…" Lily broke off mid-sentence, taking in the scene before her. "Are you guys…." Robin's eyes widened. "But you're supposed to be…" Marshall pointed at Robin, "And you're in…" He pointed at Barney. "And Barney doesn't share food…" Marshall dropped his hand, looking at the empty bowl of ice-cream and seeing the couple snuggled under a blanket on Barney's couch. Barney's arm tightened around Robin's stomach under the blanket. "Are you guys _dating_?!" Lily squeeled as she figured it out. "And more importantly…" Lily grabbed her husbands arm, "Barney, are you wearing _sweats?!_"

**Part Fifteen**

"I'm sick!" Barney blurted. Robin twisted around in his lap to face him, her eyebrows raised. "I'm sick!" The man insisted, panicked more at being found in sweatpants than being found in a couple. "That's why I'm wearing sweats! Robin made me!" Barney shoved Robin off the couch, wrapping the blanket around his lower half to cover the tell-tale signs of less-than-awesomeness. "She made me!" His voice got higher as he continued to panic, pointing frantically in his girlfriends' direction.

Robin rolled her eyes, collected herself, made sure Barney's extra-long t-shirt covered enough of her to be decent in front of Marshall, then put her hands on her hips. "Can we help you?" She asked warily, raising her eyebrows in warning, practically daring the married couple to say something about the situation.

"We uh… We uh…" Marshall and Lily stumbled over their words, trying to collect themselves. "We just… uh, were coming in here to grab something. I had saved one of Marshall's Christmas presents in here to keep it hidden from him, but had forgotten all about it," Lily piped up. "So we were coming to pick it up," Marshall added feebly, still staring back and forth between Barney and Robin.

"Mm-hmm," Robin said nodding. "And how did you get in?" Lily held up a key. "I lived here once, remember? I figured I might as well keep it just in case Barney… had an emergency again." She trailed off, seeing Barney shake his head quickly, begging her to stop. "Well isn't that an invasion of privacy?" Robin challenged, desperate to divert attention from the actual situation. "I mean, what if-"

"Hold on, hold on, hold ON!" Marshall shouted, swiping his arms in front of him like a baseball ump signaling 'safe.' "Everyone just pause, for just a moment." The tall man now had the attention of the entire room. "I think, more important than Lily having a key to Barney's place," he nodded at Robin, "And Barney wearing sweats," he nodded at Barney, "Although, man, that really _is _kinda rocking my world right now," he added in a whisper, then resumed. "We HAVE to discuss what we just walked in on."

Robin looked down and joined Barney on the couch, wrapping her arms around her legs and exchanging glances with her couch companion. "Now, as the lawyer and therefore the only _sane_ person in this room," "Hey!" "Sorry, Lilypad," "I will take control."

Marshall crossed his arms over his chest and marched in front of the couch. "Barney Stinson and Robin Scherbatsky!" He summoned. The two looked up like kids caught in the middle of sneaking a cookie before dinner. "Yes?" The asked guiltily. "Are you, or are you not, dating?" "Well, not ex-" Robin started, but Barney cut her off with a wave of his hand, still staring at Marshall. "Yes." He affirmed. Lily's eyes grew wide, as did Marshall's, but he quickly recovered with the next question. "How long?" Barney smirked, "Well, maybe you should ask Rob-" now Robin cut him off with a glare. "A… while, now." She answered. She turned back to Marshall. "Pretty much since Tokyo."

"Since Tokyo?" Lily gasped. "That's, like…" She paused, squeezing her eyes shut to do the math. "Forever ago!" She was now standing beside her husband, glaring down at the couple on the couch. They were smiling at each other, kind of enjoying this. Barney looked a little relieved while Robin looked happy, but a little unsure of the whole situation.

"Barney!" Lily leaned forward and whapped him on the head. "Ow!" he cried, grabbing his head and breaking his eye contact with Robin to look at Lily. "What was that for?!" Lily kept hitting him between words. "You! Told! Me! You! Loved! Her! Before! She! Even! Quit! Metro! News! One! But! Then! You! Left! Me! In! The! Dark!" Barney started laughing a bit, but was starting to get genuinely annoyed. "Hey!" He pushed Lily's arms away, once and for all. "That hurts! And I _was_ going to tell you, but…" He trailed off and looked at Robin, whose eyes were growing wide as she realized just how long Barney had been in love with her. "We decided we liked where we were and didn't want to mess anything up by involving the group," he finished. He turned to eye Robin, egging her on.

"But now that you know," Robin sighed, giving in. "I guess it's for the best, right?" She looked quizzically at Barney who nodded, and she straightened her shoulders. "This is good, now. We don't have to lie anymore. And it'll be so much easier at McLaren's, not having to come up with fake info about the people we're supposed to be going out with that night." Barney smiled. "But that part _was _pretty fun," he acquiesced. "Yeah." She agreed. "Well, the best part will be not having to come up with reasons why I didn't come home when Ted asks…" She trailed off and exchanged looks with Barney again. "Ted." He nodded. "Ted."

He looked up at Lily and Marshall as he put a comforting arm around Robin. "Lily. Marshall. I don't know if you know this, but our dear friend Mr. Mosby still has some pretty serious feelings for our Ms. Scherbatsky." Lily and Marshall nodded. They knew. You'd have to be an idiot not to know. But then again, they hadn't figured out the Barney/Robin thing, so maybe they were idiots. "So, for the sake of all of us staying friends… You can't tell Ted about us." Robin nodded.

Lily and Marshall exchanged doubtful glances. "Uh..." Marshall started. "That's going to be hard. I mean, have you even _met_ Lily?" Lily hit him playfully, "Hey!" His wife protested. Robin stood and laid her hand on her friends' arm. "Lily, we're just not ready to tell him yet." Marshall looked unsure. "Well, when _will_ you be ready?" "I don't know," Robin responded truthfully, "We'll know when it's the right time." At the exact same time, Barney answered, "When I hear back from the Council of Bros on the amendment I sent in about sleeping with an ex."

Robin rolled her eyes and Lily laughed. The news anchor had obviously heard this before. "What does the amendment say?" Lily asked, humoring Barney. "Glad you asked, Lil." Barney said, standing and giving her a quick salute with one hand while still holding the blanket tight around his sweatpants with the other. He assumed his dictation pose. "The proposed amendment says that while it is true that sleeping with a bro's ex is unforgivable, _if_ the original bro and the ex split through either the bro's choice or mutual choice, and the second bro and the ex are in love, and the relationship begins over a 6 months after the original relationship has met its demise; it is not only permissible, but the union is to be applauded by said first bro." He concluded, bringing his fingers to his mouth, then pausing halfway there, realizing he didn't have a scotch glass in them.

Marshall's eyes widened. "In love? So, like… This is for real between you two?"

Barney and Robin exchange glances. "Yeah…" Robin said slowly, drawing out the word. She quickly stood, again pulling down the edge of the t-shirt to cover her underwear. "Listen, this is obviously new to us, and we'd just _really _appreciate it if we could keep it under wraps… At least, until we're ready," she hurried to finish, seeing Lily's uneasy expression.

"I'll try," Lily said resolutely. "I can't promise anything, though," she admitted shamefully a moment later, her resolve crumpling. Barney walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder, "Don't stress, Lil! Besides, there's no reason to tell Ted and get him all worked up if this whole thing is just gonna fall apart soon anyway." Robin whirled to stare at him, eyes raised and hands on hips, ready to start an argument.

Barney quickly realized his mistake. "Aannd… on that note, I'm feeling better!" He raised his free hand in a victory fist-pump. "Better change into a suit…" He gathered up the blanket and dashed into the bedroom, avoiding Robin.

"Yeah… We'd better get going, too." Lily said, glancing at her watch. "We have reservations for brunch," Marshall explained. "So…" Lily walked across the room and slipped her hand underneath the chest plate in the stormtrooper's suit of armor. She pulled out an envelope. "We'll be using this gift certificate to pay for it!" Marshall smiled, realizing that had been his Christmas present. He gave his wife a hug as Robin opened the door for them.

Lily turned to give Robin a quick, tight hug before leaving. "I'm so happy for you two!" She squeeled into Robin's ear. "It's SO perfect!" Robin smiled, saying nothing. "And it's so great that you can trust him, even when he's at work and everything – since you're not there anymore to keep an eye on him. He's finally growing up! I knew he would!"

"Yeah…" Robin agreed uneasily. She watched as the married couple walked to the elevator, hand-in-hand. "Yeah…" She repeated to herself.

******

The following week, life resumed as normal for the gang. The employed friends went back to their jobs, albeit reluctantly, and Robin threw herself into finding a job. For some reason, now that her relationship with Barney was in the open (mostly,) she wanted to have some form of income so it didn't seem like he was her sugar daddy. He had laughed suggestively when she had said that, but Robin did feel somewhat uncomfortable – like her friends thought she was using Barney for his money. (Which, of course, none of them actually felt.)

Late that Wednesday evening, Barney stopped by Robin and Ted's apartment to find the woman packing a suitcase. "What up, Scherbatsky?" He asked casually, leaning against the doorframe with a beer. Ted was in the next room, waiting on him to play a round of Wii tennis, so he was careful not to include any romance in his tone. "Job interview," she remarked factually, not facing him, and reached into her closet to pull out a pair of professional jet-black pumps. "Hm?" Barney took a swig, his eyes following her every movement. "And where is this job interview that you need to pack…" He paused as he eyed the size of her suitcase. "At least 5 different outfits?"

Robin unhooked a sweater from a hangar and started to fold it on her lap, leaning over. "Washington," she said again, very matter-of-factly. Barney choked on his beer briefly before squinting at her, thinking. "Uh-huh. As in D.C. or the state?" She stopped packing and looked at him, annoyed. "Would I really pack this much if I were going to D.C.?" She asked, shooting him a withering glare.

"And," he said, slowly easing into her room and fingering the clothes she had tucked neatly into the suitcase. "If you get this job, you will, I assume, be moving to Washington. And not the D.C. one." Robin nodded, going back to her packing. "Yup." "And I'm also assuming that since they're making you fly cross-country, you're pretty well advanced in the interview process, yes?" Robin nodded again.

Barney stepped back and crossed his arms over his chest. "I see." He said, leaning against the wall. "And you didn't feel it was necessary to mention this to me?" He caught himself when he overheard Ted in the kitchen. "Or any of us?" Her packing completed, she climbed up on her bed to sit on the bag in order to zip it shut. "What for?" She asked, avoiding his gaze. "It's not like this is going to last much longer, right?" Barney straightened, his eyes narrowed even further. "What are you talking about?" His voice had dropped dangerously low. "Well that's what you said, isn't it?" Robin asked accusingly, looking at Barney for the first time. She stood and quickly walked to him, rapidly closing the distance between them. "To Lily? The other day?" Her voice was a whisper so Ted couldn't hear them over the sound of popcorn in the microwave. "You said it wouldn't last that much longer." She turned quickly on her heel and went back to attempting to zip up the suitcase. "I figured I'd just go ahead and free you up now. Besides, I always wanted to travel, remember? I want to live everywhere. You can't possibly expect me to live in New York forever."

Barney placed his bottle on the nearest table and made it to the bedroom door in one quick stride. He softly closed and locked the door and turned to face Robin, his face an odd mix of fear and sadness. "Ted's going to wonder what-" "Screw Ted." Barney cut her off.

He walked up to Robin slowly and gathered her tight into his arms and looked straight into her eyes. "Don't do this, Scherbatsky," he said soothingly. "Do what?" She asked. She averted her gaze, trying to wriggle free of his grasp. "This," he said, stroking her hair. "Run away from _us_." Robin shoulders slumped a bit. "I'm NOT." She insisted. "Yes, you are," Barney said. "Robin, I know you. You are an adventurer; you could live anywhere in the whole world if you wanted to." He smiled at her and brushed her cheek with his thumb. "And you could have any job you wanted to." He ran his other hand along her backbone as Robin finally looked him in the eye. "And everyone who has ever met you knows that you are the _most_ beautiful, smart, successful woman they'll ever meet." Robin laughed sarcastically and turned to face the window. Barney grabbed her face and turned her back to face him. "Stop that. You are. So you don't have to prove anything to anyone by accepting jobs that are so far away from here. From your _home_, Robin. From your _family_." He squeezed her tight as Robin's eyes started to water. "Remember how miserable you were in Tokyo? Why would you want to do that to yourself again? You're not going to Washington just for a job, you're going because you're scared of being trapped. By me." Tears started escaping from Robin's eyes. "How do you know this?" Barney smirked, wiping her tears away with his thumb. "Because I've done it…. I'm Barney Stinson, remember? The king of anti-relationships. The man who lives in fear of being tied down. The man who has publicly announced, on several occasions, that he would rather get shot than get married." Robin laughed slightly at that, sniffing. "So what's different about this relationship? Why are we tying ourselves down? Why are we giving up our awesome lives?" She said, leaning into him for an answer. "Because," he said, leaning down and giving her a quick kiss. "Together, we are SO much more awesome than we are alone. It should probably be documented by Guinness World Records or something." Robin smiled again at the joke. Barney's face grew serious as he tightened his hold and leaned even closer to her. "And because," he said quietly. "I would give up _anything_ for you, Robin." Robin's eyes widened as she couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

Barney wrapped her in a long kiss and then led her to the bed where he cradled her as she cried. "I'm just so sick and tired of not being useful to anyone," Robin sobbed into his chest. "I'm sick of being broke. Of telling my friends I can't go out because I have no money. Of _always _making you pick up the tab when we go out. Of not being able to tell Ted _why_ I'm never home. I just… I don't know…" She sobbed. Barney nodded understandingly and just held her as she cried.

After about ten minutes, Robin had drifted off and Barney stood, careful not to wake her, and quickly changed into a spare shirt he kept in her room, not wanting Ted to ask about the tear stains on his suit. He walked back into the room, where Ted was engrossed in an Indiana Jones marathon on TV. Half the popcorn was already gone. "What took you so long?" He asked, still fixated on Indy. "Oh, Robin has a friend she wants to set me up with, so I was just getting the details," Barney said casually. "That took 20 minutes?" Barney scoffed. "Please," he said, waving his hand. "When I say details, I mean _everything_." He winced, aware this was a pretty pathetic fib and hoped Ted was distracted enough by Indy to not question further. He was in luck. "Oh," Ted nodded. Barney sat next to him and grabbed the popcorn bowl. "So I'm assuming Wimbledon is out and 'Raiders' is in?" Ted nodded. Smiling, Barney leaned back into the chair and grabbed a handful of popcorn.

******

"Thanks for the treat, Lily," Robin said, leaning back into the salon chair as a woman painted her toenails a deep red. "I needed this." "No problem, Robin!" A voice chirped from the seat next to her. "I just got a 'couples manicure' gift certificate from one of my kids' moms for Christmas, so I figured that it'd be perfect for you to share with me!" She crinkled her forehead a moment. "Does that mean she thinks Marshall gets manicures?"

Robin laughed and snuggled into the massage knobs inside the chair. "Man, I just can't believe about you and Barney!" Lily said for about the umpteenth time since they had arrived at the salon. Robin had just finished telling her the entire story, from the Tokyo ticket to crying in his arms, and was now ready to move on to another topic. But Lily wasn't quite ready for that yet. "I mean, it's _Barney_, you know?" Lily said, still astonished by how maturely the couple seemed to be handling the relationship. "Yeah… Listen, Lily," Robin said. "I know you want to hear all about it, but I'm not really… a _coupley_ kind of person." Lily nodded in understanding. "And I'm not really one of those girls who just goes around blabbing about her boyfriend." Lily nodded again, pressing her lips together to squelch a squeal threatening to escape at Robin's use of 'boyfriend.' "So please don't be offended if I say I want to change topics, ok? I still feel weird talking about it – I mean, we've kept it a secret for so long that I'm just not even used to saying anything out loud about it." Lily nodded. "Sure, Robin. Sorry if I pressed too much. I was just excited."

Robin smiled and picked up the copy of _Vogue_ Lily had been perusing and left on the table between their chairs. "I know." Lily smiled and leaned back in her seat, "Well, when you're ready to start making wedding plans, you know who to call. I'll personally remove all razors from the wedding premises so as to avoid another hair-tastrophe." She laughed to herself as Robin tightened her grip on the seat and counted silently backwards from 10, willing herself not to panic at the word 'wedding.' "Well, thanks, but Barney's not really into marriage remember?" Lily smiled, "Ah… Not exactly. He said bro's shouldn't get married until they're at least 30. Well… Barney's over 30, Robin. Actually… I think he is… right?" The girls stared at each other for moment, realizing that neither of them actually knew Barney's age.

Eager to brush off the conversation, Robin shrugged. "Whatever." She directed her attention back to _Vogue_. "So how goes the baby-makin?" She asked casually, flipping through the pages. "Oh… You know," Lily said. "Marshall's really, really wanting to have a kid. Like, now." Her voice tightened slightly, just enough for Robin to notice. "Uh-huh," Robin said, keeping her eyes on the page. "But, you know, until they start making designer maternity gowns, Marshall is just gonna have to handle his business, if you know what I mean," Lily dismissed brightly.

Robin nodded slowly. "Lily?" She continued casually, noting the corners of the magazine that Lily had folded down. "Hm?" She asked, not looking up from her copy of Glamour. "You know, they _do_ make designer maternity gowns." Lily froze, her eyes on the page. "Oh?" She asked, her voice neutral. "Yeah…" Robin kept flipping through Vogue, noticing an entire spread on Motherly Fashion. "In fact," she said, noting that Lily hadn't folded those corners down, "Even Prada makes a pair of maternity heels." "Hm." Lily grunted, still not looking up. "And you _have_ to know this, since you read every fashion magazine known to man, along with all the gossip magazines that have been telling us for the past three years what all the pregnant stars are wearing…." She trailed off, waiting for a response. Lily still didn't move. "So, Lil?" Lily looked up. "Why do you _really_ not want a baby?"

**PART SIXTEEN**

"Huh? What are you tal- I totally wa- I can't believe you'd ask-…" Lily stumbled over her words, trying to come up with a decent explanation to Robin's sudden inquiry. After several failed attempts to form a coherent sentence, she gave up and looked at Robin mournfully.

"I just don't _want_ one right now, Robin!" She exclaimed, her face covered in relief as she finally let this secret free. "I just DON'T! And I can't tell Marshall because he really wants one…" Robin widened her eyes as this was news to her – as far as she knew, Lily had wanted to have babies with Marshall since freshman year at college. "Are you serious, Lil? I had no idea!"

Lily was too wrapped up in her own problems to notice Robin had adopted Barney's nickname for her. She nodded. "Uh-huh. Remember right before the wedding, how I ran off to San Francisco?" Robin nodded, starting to get an idea of where this was going. "I mean, I _know_ I shouldn't have done that, I _know_ that, it was stupid… But at the same time, I don't regret it, really, because it's what I thought was best for me at the time. And it all worked out, because Marshall was there for me when I got back… Well, mostly."

She wrung her hands and looked up at Robin. "I just… Well, I just kinda want to make _absolutely sure_ that I'm ready for this baby before it happens, you know? Because I can't really run away to San Francisco for a summer if I panic about being pregnant. I mean, once I'm pregnant… It's happening. There's no way out. For EIGHT. TEEN. YEARS, Robin." She took a huge breath, calmed somewhat by Robin's patient nodding. "I just don't want to rush into any decision that I would be stuck with for 2 decades, and would royally wreck my body while I'm at it, until I'm ready."

She looked at nodding, hoping for affirmation. "Right? I mean, I really WANT to have a baby, and can't wait to have one with Marshall… And Lord knows his mom is ready for me to have one! I just… I feel like having a baby would be the _end_ of something instead of the beginnings. I know Marshall and I have been together forever, but I'm not done wanting to spend time with _just_ him, you know?"

Robin nods understandingly. "I know." She took Lily's hand and let the shorter woman lean into her shoulder for a bit of comfort. "And if that's the way you feel, then I'm glad you feel comfortable telling me." Lily sniffled a bit and looked up. "Thanks for listening to my panic attack." Robin smiled, "Well, you listened to me babble about _Barney_ for Heavens' sake!" Lily giggled. "It'll all work itself out, Lily. You'll see." Robin leaned over and stroked her friends' hair. "This is absolutely _not_ a problem. Just tell Marshall. He loves you more than Chewie, Yoda, and R2 combined. I'm sure he would want to wait just as long as you want to if it makes you happy."

Lily smiled. "Thanks, Robin." She sighed and leaned back into her seat and picked up the _Cosmo_ again. "Now, I'm gonna need to learn some of these new techniques 'to please your man' to cheer him up after I break the bad news." Robin laughed.

******

"This! Is! AWESOME!" Marshall thundered, barreling down a narrow black-painted hall with his laser gun waving madly about. He jumped behind a neon coated row of tires next to Barney and peered over occasionally, sniping the occasional middle schooler off one by one.

"I know!" Barney shouted back over the loud techno music and high-fived his buddy. "That's what I've been saying all along!" The two grinned broadly and continued dominating the entire laser tag field for the better part of two hours. When they emerged into the Food Court, dripping with sweat, their pants covered with dirt from rolling on the floor, and smiling victoriously Barney called Ted (at his request – he hadn't been in the mood for laser tag earlier) to join them for food.

Marshall emerged from the bathroom as Barney hung up with Ted and laughed. "What?" Barney asked, grabbing a handful of nearby napkins to dab at his forehead. "Ha – Some kid was actually _crying_ in one of the stalls and telling his Daddy about the 'big monster man' who scared him!" Barney chucked. "Monster-five!" The two hit palms again, still celebrating their domination.

Stretching his shoulders and running his fingers through his hair, Barney told Marshall, "Ted'll be here soon. Just be a minute." He smiled when his phone buzzed. A text from SCHERBATSKY the screen said. Marshall glanced at the phone sitting on the table and raised an eyebrow at Barney. "So… Barney. You and Robin, huh?" He smiled suggestively. "Wanna tell me how _that_ happened?" Barney ignored him, snatching the phone off the table and bringing it close to his chest so only he could read the message. He smiled as he read.

"C'mon, Barney. You can't not tell me ANYTHING. I mean, you and Robin? This is huge!" Marshall encouraged. Barney waved an arm to dismiss his friend before quickly thumbing out a reply. "Meh," was the only response Marshall got.

"Fine. If YOU don't want to talk about it, then _I will_," Marshall said pointedly, glancing at his watch. "When does Ted get here?" Barney slipped the phone into his pocket, sighed, and looked up. "Fine. What do you want to know." Marshall grinned wickedly. "We can start with who's your best man going to be?"

Barney's eyes widened in a brief flash of panic. "Wha? Best man?" Marshall laughed. "Dude, chill. I was just kidding." Barney's eyes returned to their normal size, but the panic remained there. "Oh, ok. Cool…" He trailed off, lost in thought. "Do you think… I mean… Do you think Robin's thinking about marriage?" His voice got higher as the sentence progressed.

Marshall rolled his eyes. "No, Barney! Geez, it was only a joke. Robin's anti-marriage, just like you." Barney nodded and then shook his head to eliminate the thoughts. "Right, right… Whew, you're right, of course." He said, looking back at Marshall. "It's Robin. She's not a girly-girl like Li… most girls." Marshall nodded. "Exactly. She's nothing like Lily. And that's not an insult, don't worry," he smiled at Barney.

"So…" Marshall started, sensing an opportunity. "How are things with Robin?" Barney shrugged, grabbing the ketchup bottle and starting to unwrap the label. "Fine… I guess." He remained fixated on his distracting task, lost in thought. Marshall waited.

"Here's the thing, though." He kept looking at the label he was peeling off, bit by bit. "It's good. I mean, it's _really _good." He broke his concentration briefly and glanced up at Marshall, raising his eyebrows. "If you know what I mean…" He clicked his tongue and returned to the task at hand. "It's just… I'm the happiest I've ever been. With anyone."

He stopped messing with the bottle and just stared into space as he thought aloud.

"I'm happier than I've ever been with anyone. Which is weird, I guess, because I never thought I'd be this happy because of… a chick. But I am, and we've said the whole 'I Love You' thing to each other now… And I'm really happy with everything and I just want to be with her all the time and I don't want to have to hide it from Ted…. That part's bugging her too." He sighed. "I just don't think she's as into it as I am, you know? I mean, now, thanks to Lily, she knows I've been crazy about her for… well, forever now, and I think she's weirded out by that because she doesn't like me nearly that much."

As Barney continued rambling, Marshall's eyes grew worried. He didn't like where this was going. "And just the other night, she was all packed up to go to Washington! Washington, Marshall! As in, on the _other side of the country_. Without even mentioning it to me. And then I felt weird because I was practically _making_ her stay here to be with me and requiring her to check in with me. And then _that_ made me feel weird because _I_ don't want to have to check in with anyone if I feel like doing something, so why should she? You know?"

Marshall frowned and started to interrupt but Barney kept talking. "She's just so unsure about this whole thing that it's really starting to make me wonder why am _I _so sure? I mean, I'm Barney Stinson. I AM awesome personified and she's unsure about being with me. Which means I should _definitely _be worried about being with her, because she's basically the chick definition of awesome herself, so why…."

Barney clenched his jaw and swallowed hard. "Well, maybe it's for the best. I mean, we're certainly not getting married," he snorted, suiting up, "So may as well just enjoy the sex and get outta there while I still can, am I right? Up top!" He weakly extended his hand, which Marshall angrily swiped away.

"Barney Stinson!" He commanded, much like he had when he had walked in on the couple in their sweats. Barney snapped to attention. "Yes?" He asked meekly. "YOU, sir," he pointed directly in his friends' face. "Are Tedding out." Barney laughed nervously, "No I'm no-" "Yes you are, you're Tedding out on Robin! You're taking a wonderful thing and ruining it by thinking too much! Because it's suddenly getting too hard for you to handle!" Barney smirked "Yeah, you did," Marshall broke to laugh briefly and fistbump his friend before assuming control. "You love her! She loves you!" Barney nodded. "So stop being such a pansy and be AWESOME!"

"Right!" Barney agreed, straightening. "And how do I do that?" "You can start by not hurting Robin because you're stupid," Marshall said. "So either cut it off now, which neither of you want, or get even more committed. If you were scared of the water, I'd take you to a pool and force you to swim. If you were scared of the dark, I'd turn off all the lights. If you were scared of Sand People, I'd take you to Tattooine. Show her that you love her!" Barney smiled and snapped his fingers. "I know _exactly_ what to do!" He pulled out his iPhone. "This is going to be legen-wait for it-"

"Dary!" Ted joined in unison. He slid into the booth next to the guys. "So what's legendary this time?" He asked. "Uh- The French fries. The French fries here are delicious," stammered Barney.

******

"So why are you remodeling? This is, if you don't mind me saying so, a pretty awesome apartment?" The pretty blonde commented, slowly making her way through Barney's apartment, a clipboard secure in one hand and her other trailing slowly over Barney's furniture. She made her way to the window "Great view," she murmured, then turned flirtatiously towards Barney. "Would be perfect for after-work drinks to catch the sunset." He raised his eyebrow but said nothing. She smirked and continued meandering through his home. "And your bedroom is….?"

Barney rolled his eyes. Any other time, he would have been psyched at how easy this bimbo was making it. But honestly, sometimes he liked a challenge. And Robin was the challenge. "Listen, Amelia," he said in his most charming voice, leading her into his suit room (aka the room Robin had temporarily adopted as her own… in terms of storage at least) with his arm lightly pressed on her back. "I'd like to make a couple renovations to _this_ room. I'm going to ask my _girlfriend_ to move in with me," he said, stressing the word girlfriend pointedly to make sure she got the message, "And I'm no longer going to need a second bedroom… So I want to make _this _room into something special."

Amelia nodded, recognition hitting her eyes as she followed Barney's lead and walked into the suit room. "Ah, a nursery," she said, nodding and eying the dimensions of the room. "Got it." She started scribbling away on the notepad attached to the clipboard. Barney's eyes widened and he halted, suddenly not quite wanting to enter the room. He grasped the doorframe. "No!" Amelia looked up, surprised. "No. Not a nursery. Like a… game room or a… cigar club…. or a… gun range… or a… I don't know…." He trailed off, no longer thinking about what was coming out of his mouth. The decorator bimbo shrugged. "Oh." She flipped the pencil and started erasing a few scribbles. "I'm just not used to seeing hot young men _willingly_ move their girlfriends in. Usually the chick's knocked up." Barney swallowed and nodded. "Yeah…" He said uneasily, making his way slowly into the room. "Well, we're not going to be doing that. We're not… We just… We don't _do_ kids," Barney insisted, trying to convince himself as he spoke.

Amelia shrugged, continuing to make a few marks on the notepad. "Well, that's fine. We can do something with this room," she said, briskly pulling out a small ruler and making a few brief window measurements. "Just keep my card for when you do need that nursery in a couple months," she winked knowlingly.

Barney shook his head. He had had enough of this. "Ok, thanks Amelia, 'ppreciate your help, thanks." He quickly escorted her out of his apartment, down the elevator, and hailed her a cab. "I look forward to hearing your redesign ideas for the room," he said as professionally as possible, keeping his distance as she got into the cab in literally the _most_ provocative way he had ever seen anyone enter a vehicle. "It's been a pleasure, Mr. Stinson," she said sexily, leaning out the window. He smiled, still unused to escorting a pretty woman he _hadn't _slept with the night before to a cab. Amelia leaned out the window right before the cab pulled away and quickly grabbed his collar and pulled him in close to her face. "Just in case the girlfriend doesn't work out," she winked and pulled a pen out of her hair, releasing the tight bun into a mass of tangles hanging down her back. She scrawled a phone number on his hand and gave him a lingering kiss on the cheek before falling back into the cab. She wiggled her fingers at him. Unable to resist, he smirked in response and gave her a quick wink back. "You know I'll call you, baby." Bimbos were so much fun to toy with.

Barney chuckled and turned back to the building, somewhat proud of himself. Admittedly, Amelia _was_ smoking hott. A nine at least, but he had been working really, really hard to be good for Robin for so long that it wasn't as hard anymore to resist hot chicks. 'So this is what committed is like,' he thought to himself, ignoring Greg's disapproving glare as he held the door open.

******

Robin walked the 13 blocks from the nail salon to Barney's apartment very slowly, careful not to smear her newly polished nails. Fellow sidewalk travelers looked at her like she was crazy, slowly meandering down a frigid New York sidewalk in January wearing flip-flops, but she ignored them, reflecting on some of the cold winters she had experienced in Canada. Compared to that, this was nothing.

As his building came into view, Robin reflected on her conversation with Lily earlier that day. She had been shocked that Lily didn't want kids right now, but after reflection, Robin completely understood how Lily felt. Commitment was a very scary thing, Robin would know. She was practically a commitment-phobe. But, she had to admit, Lily had a point. If there was something in her future that she _wanted_, and she _knew_ she was ready for, why not embrace it? Just go all in? Robin took a deep breath and pulled out her phone. She wanted this. She wanted Barney. She wanted _them_ and she wasn't going to let her weird phobias or ex-boyfriends' weird lingering crushes on her stand in the way. It was time to tell Ted.

As she was about a block from Barney's building, she dialed Ted's number. "Hey, Ted, listen… Are you free for dinner tonight?" "Uh… Sure, Robin, what's up?" He responded. The white 'walk' sign came on and she crossed the street, closing the distance to the apartment she had started to unconsciously refer to as 'home.' "Listen, I need to tell you something pretty important. Um… Could I meet you at the apartment in about an hour?" She smiled as she saw Barney exiting the apartment building. "Sure, is everything all right? Want me to cook something?" Ted sounded confused. "Oh, no, everything's fine. And don't worry, I'll take you out somewhere. My treat. And Barney may join us, too…." She trailed off, her face falling, as she saw a tall skinny blonde in a low-cut red dress following behind her boyfriend. Barney turned to her and put his arm behind her waist, leading her to the curb as he raised another arm for the cab.

Robin froze in the middle of the sidewalk with a front-row seat to her _boyfriend_ opening the cab door for the _slut_ and watched, horrified, as the woman leaned forward, grabbed Barney, and practically did a strip-tease with her hair. She then pressed herself up against him as she scribbled something on her had, probably the list of STDs she was currently sporting, Robin thought furiously. And then she KISSED her boyfriend. And Barney just stood there, smiled, and winked at her.

"Robin? Hey, Robin! Robin, are you still there?" Robin remained silent, ignoring Ted's voice in her ear and mournfully watched the man she loved happily walk back into his apartment. Idiot. She was an idiot. _Of course_ Barney was still screwing around with bimbos. He was _Barney_. And she couldn't even blame him. That's what he did and she knew that, so _she _was the idiot for ever believing there was something more.

She took another deep breath and squeezed her eyes closed, whipping around to go back down the sidewalk in the other direction. "Helloo-oo, Robin?" "Yeah, I'm here!" Robin spat back. "And turns out we won't be doing dinner after all, sorry. Barney has…" She stomped her way angrily down the street, walking furiously. "_Other _plans, apparently, so looks like it'll be just you and me tonight." She paused. "We have _lots_ of liquor back home, right?"

"Oh… yeah… Are you ok?" Ted laughed nervously. "Oh, I'm just FINE. Best I've been in a long time. I just feel like celebrating, that's all," she said bitterly. "What?" "I was … a _fool_. For a long time." She took a deep breath. "But not anymore. I had always expected it was too good to be true, anyway. Now I just have the proof… Bastard." She muttered to herself. "Wait, what?" Ted was now really confused. "Don't worry about it. Just make sure we've got plenty of things that will get me _very _drunk _very _fast." Ted laughed, "Ok, whatever you say, Scherbatsky."

Robin froze at hearing her nickname, causing an unsuspecting woman to slam directly into her. The woman flipped her off as she resumed walking past Robin. "And Ted?" "Yeah?" "You better be there when I get home…."

**PART SEVENTEEN**

"Scherbatsky, I'm home!" Barney shouted in a sing-song voice. He laughed to himself as he closed the apartment door behind him. Robin hated it when he did that. "Scherbatsky?" She usually at least responded. "I have a surprise for you!" He clutched the blueprints Amelia had left at the reception desk for him close to his chest. Barney walked from room to room in the apartment as he loosened his tie. "Robin?" Huh. The apartment was empty. He glanced at the clock 11:43 p.m. He hadn't even stayed out at MacLaren's super late that night. He pulled out his phone. No messages from Robin. Barney shrugged dismissively. Marshall and Lily hadn't seem too concerned about her whereabouts during drinks that night – they even were kind of surprised that he was already concerned, after not knowing where she was for a mere 2 hours. Maybe she was just grabbing drinks with friends, they had suggested. Barney paused mid-stride, realizing he didn't actually know who these other friends she occasionally mentioned were … _Wow_, he needs to work on this whole being-a-boyfriend thing. He didn't even know any of his girlfriends' friends. Outside of Marshall, Lily, and Ted, of course.

Robin had had an interview earlier that afternoon, he reasoned, collapsing on the couch and squinting as he flipped on the TV. Maybe it had gone well and she was celebrating. She'd probably show up after last call and sneak into Barney's room… Robin always got frisky when she was drunk.

******

"Ow!" Barney woke up slowly, rubbing the back of his neck. He sat up stiffly, peering carefully around the room as his eyes adjusted to the light. He rolled his neck from side to side. He had fallen asleep on the couch last night, in the middle of a CSI marathon on Spike TV. He looked down. "Dammit…" He muttered. He was still in his suit. "That's gonna wrinkle!" He muttered, slowly standing and making his way to his closet.

On his way there, he peered into his bedroom, expecting to see Robin snuggled tight under the covers. "Good morning, sunshine," he said, rubbing his eyes and unbuttoning his mournfully wrinkled shirt. "The least you could've done is woken me u-" He paused, his eyes now clear. His bed was just as meticulously made as it had been last night. "Where?" He muttered, pulling out his phone as he checked in the suit room. Not there either.

Barney clenched his jaw. No reason to get worried. He pulled out his phone, wrinkled suit now forgotten, and made his way to his desk to check his e-mail. He dialed Robin and went straight to voicemail. He hung up without leaving a message, knowing that Robin used her 'missed calls' list as a list of people to call back – she never checked messages. Plus, now that she was jobless, she was saving cell minutes by not checking voicemail. "You have no new messages," his computer said aloud after he pressed Send/Receive. "Damn…" He muttered again, tapping Ted's speed dial number and going straight to voicemail. He hung up again before dialing Lily.

"Hey, Lil, have you seen Robin?" At the other end of the line, Lily licked some brownie batter off a wooden spoon before replying. "Nope, sorry! Last time I saw her was yesterday evening… Right before dinner." He sighs into the phone. "Hmm… Well, thanks. It's just… She didn't come home last night, so I was worried." Lily giggled. "What's so funny?" "Well, it's just that you said 'she didn't come home,' like your home is _her_ home. She does live somewhere else, you know." Barney stood up straight. To be completely honest, he really had forgotten that Robin lived anywhere else but with him. He had been so eager to ask Robin to move in with him, he had forgotten that she hadn't actually moved in with him yet. "Oh, yeah… Well, both Robin and Ted's phones are going straight to voicemail. Maybe I'll just go visit the apartment real quick." Lily nodded then realized he couldn't see her over the phone. "Yeah, sounds good! Let me know if you find her or if we should actually start getting worried…" Her voice trailed off as she momentarily contemplated the idea of Robin _not _actually coming home last night, either home, but shook it off. No need to get worried until she knew for sure. "But I'm sure she's fine." "Yeah…." Barney said, not sold. "I hope so too."

******

Barney swung Ted and Robin's apartment door open 45 minutes later. Somewhat ashamed by Lily's admonishment, he had taken a shower, changed suits, even forced himself to make a quick breakfast at his apartment (Robin had started insisting they stock food in the fridge) before leaving the apartment to search for her. Lily was right. They didn't live together. _Yet_, he had thought to himself, patting the blueprints in his pocket with a smile. Now, he was standing in the empty living room, looking around, befuddled, trying to figure out was different about the apartment that was making him feel soo… unsettled.

"Robin? Ted?" He called out, glancing in the kitchen and making quick inventory of the empty liquor bottles. "Guys?" He softly knocked on Robin's door and peered in to see… A perfectly made bed. "Shit." He cursed outloud and pulled out his phone, ready to tell Lily it was time to _really_ worry, when he heard a noise in Ted's room.

"Ted? Hey, bro, have you seen Robin?" He asked, swinging open his friends' door. "We can't fi-" And Barney stopped. Stopped moving. Stopped talking. Stopped dialing Lily. Stopped thinking. Stopped _feeling_. Just stopped.

There, on Ted's bed, lay his girlfriend. The woman he loved. Wrapped only in a sheet, she lay with her limbs sprawled across Teds' covers. Barney just stared, his mind completely blank. "Hey, man!" He heard Ted's voice say from the other side of the bed. He heard his friend get up, pull on pajama pants, and tiptoe across the room. Barney remained staring at Robin. He heard Ted making 'shushing' sounds, and felt him pulling the suited man out of the room and closing the door behind them. "Don't want to wake her up," Ted said, his voice low. Barney turned towards Ted but couldn't look him in the eyes, still staring into space in complete shock. "Robin…" He said, slowly, hurting with each syllable. "I know, right? Awesome! She came home last night, upset about _something_, and demanded to get instantly drunk. Next thing you know, she's doing things to me I didn't even know _existed_. _Naked things_. It was legen – wait for it – " Ted said animatedly, blissfully unaware of Barney's reaction, "DARY! Rebound five!" He held his hand up. "I needed someone to end my dry spell after that last crazy chick broke up with me."

Barney slowly focused his gaze on the man in front of him. "You son of a bitch," he said threateningly, his anger starting to build. "Wait, what?" Ted looked at his friend, shocked. "What are you talking about?!" Barney was still not thinking, so he went straight from shock to anger and temporarily forgot his fear of fighting. "She is _not_ just some _chick _you _bang_ when you want to end a drought!" Barney knew he was starting to shout. He also knew that the door next to them was now opening and Robin was standing in the doorframe, wrapped in a sheet. _Ted's_ sheet. But he did not turn to look at her. He couldn't deal with that right now. One thing at a time.

Barney raised his fist and punched Ted as hard as he could, square in the jaw. "How DARE you touch her-OOWWWW!" Barney shouted, shaking his fist and jumping up and down in pain. "Son of a…" he trailed off, wincing in pain. "What the hell was that, Barney!?" Ted yelled from the ground. "Why do YOU care, anyways? It's just Robin!"

At that Barney finally looked up to face Robin for the first time. Her face was bright red and her hair was a mess. She was clearly hung over and her eyes were bloodshot with tears. "Because I love her," Barney said softly, straightening his shoulders and shaking his fist out one more time. "Barn-" Robin started, walking up to him to press her hand to his chest. "No." He said, stepping away and cutting her off. "Wait, you WHAT her?" Ted asked, now standing between the couple. Barney and Robin ignored him, still staring intensely at each other. Barney pulled the blueprints out of his jacket and dropped it on the floor in front of Robin. "I came here to give you this," he said sadly, and turned briskly to quietly walk out of the apartment and shut the door.

"What was _that_ all about?" Ted asked, rubbing his jaw. He glanced at his hand, now full of warm liquid. Wow, for such a small guy Barney had managed to draw blood. Robin said nothing, just leaned over and picked up the paper Barney had dropped and unfolded it to see what was clearly blueprints of Barney's apartment – with a few minor changes. Robin squinted at the outlines, confused as she tried to decipher the meanings of the shapes and read the fine print. "Oh…." She said aloud as she realized what this was. She pulled out the business card paperclipped to the top of the designs. 'Amelia Crawford Designs' it read. She flipped it over to see a smiling, professional headshot of the blonde she had seen Barney escorting to the cab. "Oh, shit." She breathed, wincing. She had screwed up. She had really, _really_ screwed this up. He was redesigning his bachelor pad for _her_ to move in with him, and she had done the worst thing possible.

Unable to control her emotions (she was still a little bit drunk,) Robin squeezed her eyes shut and ran into her room, turning to slam the door. Ted caught the edge right before she could close it and stuck his head in. "Robin, what's going on? Are you ok? Do you need me to… _comfort_ you again?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Robin sighed. She couldn't take this right now. She rolled her eyes and shoved him out her door, her palm spread across his face. "Ted, Barney and I are dating." She just said, giving up. She was so over all of this. "_Were_ dating, anyway." She mumbled. He looked at her, completely floored. "Have been for _months_," she answered his unspoken question, then slammed and locked the door. "And I screwed it all up," she whispered to herself. She collapsed on the bed, sobbing.


	6. F

**PART EIGHTEEN**

"Marshall? Are you busy right now?" An anxious Ted asked Marshall over the phone. "Uh… Ted, you're kind of interrupting brunch," Marshall responded, rolling his eyes at Lily. Of _course_ he was interrupting something; it was 1 p.m. on a Saturday. Ted should know his best friend well enough to know he's always at brunch with his wife at this time.

"Oh," was all Ted said in response. Marshall glanced at his wife, worried, and mouthed 'sorry' to her as he stood from the table and walked out of the restaurant to speak more openly with Ted. "Dude, are you ok? What's wrong?" Ted sighed. Marshall leaned up against the brick wall of the brunch place, smiling casually at people pointing at him for wearing a t-shirt in Manhattan in January.

"I think I… Listen, do you still have that copy of 'The Bro Code' Barney had you read like a year ago?" Marshall creased his eyebrows. Where in the world was this coming from? "Um… No, I don't. But I know where he keeps it in his office, so we could go see it Monday." "Oh, ok, cool." Ted was still sounding strangely distant. "Dude, what's going on? Since when do you care about 'The Bro Code' so much?"

Marshall heard a sigh on Ted's end of the line. "I uh… I just found out some things… _After_ I had done some things… And now… I think I just really, _really_ messed up, man. And I don't know how to fix it. So I was hoping, maybe, I dunno… Barney's 'Bro Code' could tell me exactly what a bro's supposed to do in situations like these."

"Well, technically 'The Bro Code' tells you what _not_ to do, not what _to _do," Marshall started lawyering Ted then stopped, realizing he was missing the point. "Wait, what did you do?"

Marshall heard Ted take a deep, shaky breath. "Ok, man, I'm just going to tell you, ok?" Marshall nodded. "Ok." "And you can't judge me or interrupt me or anything, because it's a lot of information all at once, but that's what I've been just kind of sitting here alone trying to figure out for the past two hours." Marshall nodded again, getting worried. He motioned for Lily to come out and join him on the street. "Yeah – hang on just a sec. Can I get Lily?" Ted laughed ironically. "Sure, why not. Let's just get everyone involved."

Lily laid some money on the table and walked outside, looking at Marshall quizzically. He held up his hand and pressed the speakerphone button. "Ok, buddy you're on speaker. Go."

The couple heard Ted take another deep breath as he explained what had happened in the past 24 hours. "Ok, well, after we all left MacLaren's last night, I went home to a message on my machine from that girl Robin had introduced me to. She broke up with me, via message machine, because she apparently, 'was just not, like, into me.'" Lily laughed, "Yeah, she sounds like a winner. To be honest, we never really liked her, Ted." "I know," Ted acknowledged simply before continuing.

"Anyway, so I'm in the kitchen making a drink when I get a call from Robin, who sounds very serious and says we need to have a talk tonight over dinner, and then mid-conversation she completely pulls a 180 on me and tells me she's coming home now instead and wants to get very, very drunk."

Lily and Marshall exchange looks, wondering what had caused Robin's sudden change of attitude. "So, she gets home and I'm already a little drunk and she quickly gets _very _drunk and I ask her what's wrong and she says she just saw her boyfriend cheating on her and I asked her what boyfriend, what was she talking about, and she said don't worry about it and started crying and I gave her a hug to comfort her and then…"

Marshall and Lily winced, both dreading what was coming next. "Ted, _please_ tell us you didn't sleep with her!" Lily begged. Ted remained silent.

Lily's eyes grew wide and sad as she looked at Marshall. "Oh, no." Marshall said mournfully. "Story's not over, though," Ted said. "Meet me at MacLaren's in 10?" Marshall and Lily agreed, sadly walking towards the bar.

******

"Well, neither one of them are picking up their phones," Lily said, snapping her cell shut. Ted, who was sprawled at the bar with an icepack on his jaw, had just finished telling them the whole story. "I swear, if I had known that _Barney_ was the boyfriend, I never would have slept with her!" He insisted. "Even though he probably would have done it if it was the other way around," he muttered.

"I can't believe Barney cheated on Robin!" Lily cried out, frustrated, and slammed her empty beer glass on the table. The group had decided that if there was ever an occasion for an early, this was it. "Wha-ha?!" Ted exclaimed, turning to look at the woman. "What do you mean? It's _Barney_. Of course he cheated on her!"

Marshall silently shook his head no. "No, Ted, you didn't see him. He really… He loves her. I didn't think it was possible until I saw it myself. Trust us when we say he could _not_ cheat on her." Lily looked at her husband pointedly, "But Robin said he did."

The big man slumped back in his chair. "I know, I know," he admitted. "I just don't want to believe it." Lily mirrored his body language and stared at the ceiling. "They were just so perfect together," she sighed. Ted watched his friends, confused at their reaction. "But, c'mon, you guys… It's _Barney_! The man who's had three-ways and claimed to have four-ways and ten-ways and has hooked up with at least 75% of the women in Manhattan!" Marshall sat up then and looked Ted square in the eyes.

"Exactly, Ted, it's _Barney_. The man who flew all the way to San Francisco without telling anyone, specifically to get me and Lily back together. The man who once planned on waiting for marriage to sleep with his girlfriend and go into the Peace Corps with her, only to have his heart shattered. The man who got _hit_ by a _bus_ because he was running to see you in the hospital, even when you weren't speaking to him!" Ted shrunk back, surprised. "Well, I…" "The man who's been in _love_ with Robin since they slept together last spring!" Lily exclaimed, unable to hold it in any longer.

Ted looked at her in astonishment. "Really?" The married couple nodded solemnly. "Oh, wow." He looked down at his hands. "Wow, I _really_ screwed this up. I mean, I knew he was devastated, I was just too shocked at the time to put it all together. Damn, I wish I had known! I've been trying to sleep with her for… Well, weeks!" The couple nodded again. "We know. It's been so obvious." "Oh…"

He looked up at Marshall sheepishly. "Marshall, what does 'The Bro Code' say about sleeping with your bro's secret long-term committed girlfriend the night after said girlfriend claims the first bro has cheated on her? And how is he supposed to fix it so no one hates each other?" The lawyer shook his head. "I don't know man, I don't know."

"I just can't believe Barney cheated on her," Lily sighed and leaned against her husband. "Poor Robin," she said. "Poor Barney," Marshall chimed in. 'Poor me,' Ted thought, holding the ice bag on his face. He had somehow managed to unintentionally screw the entire group over.

******

"I'm so, so, so sorry, Barney," sobbed Robin's voice into Barney's empty hotel room. "I had no idea you were remodeling the apartment for me. I would have said yes! I would've moved in! I just saw you leading her into the cab, and I saw her hand on your face and just thought… So I wanted to forget and I… I know I've said this all before, I'm just really sorry. Please come back, I miss you. Please. I want to move in with you… I'm sorry, Barney. Ted's sorry. We all miss you. I love you."

Barney reached out of his pile of covers to turn off his iPhone's speaker and cut off the device, eliminating the only light in the room. He sighed and reached over on the other side of the bedside table to take a chug of the scotch he knew was sitting there, and rolled back between the hefty covers of the hotel room bed to drift into a disappointing, dreamless sleep.

He was in Vegas. Had been since roughly 4 hours after walking in on his girlfriend and his best friend hooking up. After punching Ted and seeing Robin… like that… He had gotten a cab straight to the airport and bought a ticket for the next flight to Vegas. No luggage, no clothes, no hotel reservations, just flew straight to Vegas, took a cab to the first hotel on the strip, booked a room, and went directly to the bar. Where he proceeded to get the most drunk he had ever been and fell into bed around 3 a.m. When he woke up the next afternoon with a severe hangover, he kept drinking so he would forget he was sleeping alone.

After two days of drinking and sleeping that he didn't really remember, Barney went out and bought the best suit money could buy and stayed up gambling for 3 days without sleeping or stopping for food. He spent the whole next day shopping on Sky Mall and downloading porn. He paid for a hooker his last night in Vegas but hallway up to his hotel room, he gave her the cash and sent her back to the street, not able to go through with it quite yet. He lay in bed alone again that night, staring at the ceiling and cursing himself for not bringing his 'Get Pscyhed Mix' to amp up his awesome levels, cursing himself for being dumb enough to fall in love again after Shannon, cursing Shannon for forcing him to become this fragile shell of a man, and cursing Ted for assuming some sort of claim on Robin and not seeing her as anything more than a girl he could sleep with. He never blamed Robin though… This was his fault for getting involved in the first place.

Barney returned to New York a week later, just as unexpectedly as he had left. He hadn't planned to go back that day, he had just woken up and a few hours later somehow found himself taxiing down the runway. He turned on his iPhone for the first time in nearly a week and was not surprised to see dozens of panicked e-mails, voicemails, and texts from his friends and co-workers. He deleted them all without even listening or reading them, fingers hovering over Robin's name momentarily before pressing 'delete.'

He flew back on the red-eye and got to New York before anyone in the city awoke. Unable to sleep, Barney spent the remaining dark hours purging all memories of Robin out of his life.

As soon as he unlocked his front door, he went straight to his closet... Their closet... and pulled all of her stuff out and threw it unceremoniously on the floor of the suit room. (Except for the really, really nice dress he had bought her. He may never want to see her stuff again but he wasn't a monster – he hung that dress up on a wood hanger.) Barney then systemically went through whole apartment and removed everything that reminded him of her and threw it onto the growing pile on the floor of the suit room. He stripped his bed of its comforter, matching sheets and her pillowcases and re-made it with his single pillow and bare blanket. He dumped all her makeup and hair products in a giant trash bag and slung them into the room.

He went into the kitchen and dumped all the contents of his fridge and cabinets into the trash and then added a bunch of new DVDs to his porn collection, making room for them by removing the Canadian porn and the Tokyo porn Robin had bought him… and definitely, _definitely_ removing all their 'home videos.'

Then he grabbed a dozen or so of his favorite suits off the rack mounted on the wall of the suit room, slammed the door tightly and locked it, unwilling to enter it, and briefly considered getting it hermetically sealed so no one could ever enter it again. He hung his suits in the closet in his room, now eerily empty without Robin's clothes. He didn't bother thinking about the remaining suits in the suit room. He would rather buy more clothes than be reminded of her.

Barney collapsed on his couch and loosened his tie. He had done this before, he could do it again. He had overcome Shannon by becoming Awesome. Robin was a momentary slip from the awesome, and he just had to remind himself just how awesome his life was and get Robin out of his system. He Googled the interior decorating firm and found the number for Amelia, unwilling to think about what Robin had done with the card or assumed when she saw it, and gave her a call.

"Hey, baby, it looks like that whole girlfriend thing didn't work out after all, thank _God_," he forced himself to say into her message machine. "And it just happens that I'm free tonight and I'd love to show you my _new_ plans for the bedroom. Stop by anytime after 10," he hung up, figuring he'd be awake by then at least, and threw his cell phone onto the couch before walking into the kitchen, now lit with the first few rays of morning light. Pulling the scotch bottle Robin had left for him out of the cabinet, he downed the remaining contents on his way to the bedroom. "Thank _you_, Ted Mosby!" He shouted out loud. "Saved me from falling out of Awesome," he mumbled to himself, "Saved Robin from me…" he placed the bottle of the bedside table, loosened his tied, and dove head-first onto the pillow and went still.

Ten minutes later a much more sedate Barney sat up and slowly pulled something small from his pocket. A lone bottle of Robin's favorite perfume. Barney spritzed the pillowcase with the perfume and carefully put the bottle in his bedside drawer, which he had intentionally not emptied of memories, and snuggled back into he pillow, silent tears slowly welling up.

******

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Barney sat up quickly at the harsh noise and instantly wished he hadn't. He groaned, holding a hand to his forehead. Downing the equivalent of about a dozen shots of really good scotch directly before going to sleep was stupid. Just stupid, stupid, stupid.

He stood carefully, squinting and cursing himself. And whoever was at the door. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" he shouted grumpily. "Hey, Robi-" he stopped, looking down at the bed beside him, wondering where his girlfriend was. And just like that, he remembered. Barney's face fell as he stood and stretched. He ran his fingers through his hair and walked into the living room to check his cell on the way to the door. 10:32 p.m. Crap, he'd been out much longer than he had thought. A full day. 4 new voicemails, 2 from Lily, 1 from Ted, 1 from Robin… He deleted all 4, as he'd been doing all week. 1 new text from Amelia who said "got your message – be by tonight." Barney forced himself to crack a smile as he realized she was at the door. "Time to start getting back to my normal, awesome self," he said aloud as he swung open the door. "Hey, baby. I was wai-" he stopped. "Hi, Barney," a very sad Robin quietly said.

**PART NINTEEN**

Barney froze, just a moment, staring at the woman of his dreams standing disheveled in the hall in front of him. God, she was beautiful. He stood, one hand still holding the door handle and the other holding the door frame. He didn't move, instead straightened slightly, looked at her but didn't meet her gaze entirely and mechanically said "Hello."

He didn't let her in but he didn't shut the door in her face. Ball was in her court. He'd hear her out, but not for long. "I, uh, came to…. How are you?" Robin feebly stumbled over her thoughts.

Barney briefly considered pulling her into his embrace to just feel her in his arms again, forgiving her for everything, spending the night talking the whole thing through… 'No!' He thought to himself. 'Stay on track. Get back to being awesome.' He straightened and threw Robin a half-smirk. "I'm great, Scherbatsky! Never better! How's Ted?" He asked flippantly, leaning against the door frame.

Robin's faint smile at seeing Barney again faltered. "I-uh… Don't be like that, Barney."

"Be like what?" He asked enthusiastically, smoothing down his tie and pulling the door in closer behind him. He couldn't let her come into the apartment after he had just gotten rid of her presence. If she walked in there again, he may have to go out and buy a whole new apartment.

Robin rolled her eyes. "Barney, where were you?" Barney laughed, "Nowhere important." He shrugged. "Why, did you miss me?" Robin nodded vigorously, struggling to keep her tears from falling. "Well, I'm sorry about that," he said unapologetically and leaned forward to put a hand on her shoulder. Damn, that was a mistake. He shouldn't touch her. It'll bring back those _feelings_ and he had just started to get some relief. "But at least Ted was there to comfort you," he said conspiratorially and turned to close the door.

"But Barney, I love you!" She cried as he closed he door. He turned around. "Yes, well people love lots of things, Robin. You love dogs and guns and Canada and Ted, still, apparently. And I love bimbos and scotch and tacos… And being awesome. I think we both knew this was going to end sooner or later, right?"

Barney hadn't looked in her eyes during his whole speech, unable to see the hurt he knew he was causing her. He had to keep pushing her away if he was going to save himself. At that moment, the elevator at the end of the hall dinged and Amelia walked up, swiveling to Barney's door in a slinky light blue dress and raising an eyebrow suggestively.

"Now," he said, turning towards Robin, "If you'll excuse me, I have some business to take care of." He opened the door and ushered Amelia into his apartment and gave Robin a brief half-salute. "Later, Scherbatsky," he said, winking.

Her face broke his heart.

Closing the door he led Amelia to the bar where he took his time pouring her a drink, letting her nather on about work and not paying a bit of attention. He glanced at his watch. It had been 3 minutes since he had let her in the apartment. "Well, Amanda," he said, interrupting her in mid-sentence. "Amelia!" The offended woman insisted. Barney laughed, "If you say so." He put his arm around her back and led her to the door, using his other hand to pull the glass of wine out of her hand mid-sip. "It's been great. Bye."

Amelia looked at him, dumb-struck. "But… I don't understand." Barney smiled grimly. "And you never will," he said, opening the door. Amelia stormed off in a huff and Barney closed the door, slumping down to the ground and buried his head in his hands.

Seeing Robin again had made him realize that he couldn't do this with Amelia. With anyone, really. And instead of being ashamed of himself for not being awesome, he was just sad. Because here he was, finally acting like a mature man, one his father (whoever the hell he was) would probably be proud of. Barney was a man who now only loved one woman and would never cheat on her because his heart belonged to her, and would possibly even consider marrying her one day. In the far, far, far off future. As long as there was a legen-dary bachelor party.

But Robin clearly didn't want that man. The moment Barney was becoming mature and wanting to commit, she got scared off and slept with Ted. So now Robin was forcing him to become the man he had once been, the womanizer. But Barney knew he wouldn't ever be able to turn these feelings off, wouldn't be able to sleep with limitless women to make up for it. He wanted Robin. And he didn't want to become a man who didn't want her.

Barney sighed and pulled out his phone. This was so screwed up. How did he get in this mess?

He pulled Robin's name up on the screen and stared at it for a few moments, struggling between calling her and starting this all over again or just reverting to his old self and forgetting the whole thing.

He sighed and gave in. 'I missed you too.' He texted Robin.

******

The following three weeks were pure hell for both of them. After receiving the text, Robin had immediately called Barney, sounding hopeful that a) he wasn't hooking up with Amelia and b) he wanted to talk to her. They met at MacLaren's and Robin explained that the only reason she had hooked up with Ted is because she had seen Barney with Amelia and feared the worse. Barney had smiled briefly at that, finding it ironic that the one person he thought knew him the best actually didn't know him at all.

She had asked point-blank if they could get back together. She wanted to move in with him. Barney shook his head, thinking about the closed-off suit room and his closed-off heart, and said he wasn't ready. She had nodded, trying to understand and give him time.

And that's where they had left it. The whole group now knew all the details of their relationship, thanks to stories they had pieced together from separate conversations with Barney and Robin, and were completely supportive of them getting back together. Robin was outspoken about wanting to get together and spent most of her nights at home moping around, skipping hanging out at MacLaren's, and depressed that she now didn't have a job, apartment of her home, or even a boyfriend. The other friends continued to meet at MacLaren's every night, only to sadly watch Barney jump from bimbo to bimbo at an astonishing rate.

"I don't think I've ever seen anyone get slapped so many times in one night," Marshall observed one night. "Or make-out with so many different girls in one night," Lily chimed in, mournfully looking after Barney currently sucking the face of some blonde at the bar. "Ted, what's Robin like at home?"

Ted just shrugged, looking down into his beer. "Not much better. I mean, she's not making out with anyone, but she's drinking a lot and never leaves the couch. I guess they just express depression differently – Barney's very active about it and Robin's pretty lethargic. You know, just lazing about."

Lily and Marshall just stared at him. "What?" He asked at their frustrated expressions. "Ted, we _know_ what lethargic means. But thanks for the definition." Marshall rolled his eyes at his friends' pompousness. Some things never changed.

The three of them turned to watch Barney wink at them, wave a goodbye to Carl behind the bar, and suavely lead the blonde out of the bar. Ted pounded his head on the table. "I just feel so bad, you guys. I can't help but feel like this is all my fault… Which it is."

The married couple looked at the man sympathetically. "Well, yes it is," Lily admitted. "But at the same time, it's also Robin's fault. And sort of Barney's too, I guess, since he refuses to get back together with her. So really, it's no one's fault. This is one of those things that happened that we can't take back, so we just have to move forward."

Marshall smiled at his wife. "Right. You really want to make this right, Ted?" Ted looked up and nodded. "Good. Then SUIT UP, as Barney would say, because you have to fix this." Ted raised his eyebrows. "Ok… How?"

Lily leaned forward. "First thing's first: You feel guilty for breaking 'The Bro Code'?" Ted nodded. "Then make it up to Barney. Take him out to dinner or something nice. Where does he like to eat?"

Ted shrugged, "Thursday night's buffet night at the Lusty Leopard." Marshall smiled. "Perfect. Now, we just need to get Robin cheered up for something, then get them both in the same place at the same time, in good moods, and then…." He paused, looking at his wife. "Then what?" She picked up on his plan. "Then, we convince them they're perfect for each other and they get back together and we all live happily ever after!"

Ted raised his eyebrows, unconvinced. "Alright, whatever you say."

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the door as a very beaten Barney strolled nonchalantly in. His suit was ripped a bit on the sleeve and covered in dirt, his hair was spiky at odd angles, and he was sporting a bruised lip and a black eye. "'Tsup?" He said casually, sliding into the booth like nothing was out of the ordinary.

"Uh… Barney? Are you ok?" Ted asked. Barney laughed and waved his hand, "Oh, I'm fine. Just turns out Angelica over there has a boyfriend. Pretty big guy, too. He apparently didn't approve of her making out with obviously more attractive men."

On the other side of the booth, Lily discretely pulled out her phone and texted Robin under the table. 'rbn-must come to mclarens. barney in fight, looks really hot.' She snapped her phone shut, convinced that they may not even need to implement their elaborate plan – she knew Barney would be unable to resist Robin fawning all over him. The pair would be back together that night, she smiled with satisfaction. Marshall looked quizzically at her and she silently explained the situation. He smiled, understanding.

A few minutes passed as the group discussed who they would beat up if they had the choice and Carl brought Barney an ice-pack, when Lily's phone lit up on the table, signaling she had a text message from Robin. She smiled as she noticed Barney trying to read the contents of the message. She peered down. 'sry, cant come. packing for final interview in wash tom.' She frowned. "You guys, do any of you know anything about a job Robin's been interviewing for in D.C.?"

Marhsall and Ted shook their heads and Barney's eyes widened. "Do you mean Washington, as in the state? Because… yes." Lily re-read the message. "Well, she just said Washington, so she could mean the state." Barney squeezed his eyes shut and collapsed back in his seat. "Shit," he muttered under his breath. The three friends looked at him expectantly. "Is she flying out for another interview?" She asked Lily. She nodded.

Barney sighed and nodded in acceptance, running his fingers through his hair. "Well, I should have expected this, I guess. Yeah… She was interviewing with them a while back and she was pretty far along in the process then. I guess she decided to keep going through with the process when we... Well, when it… Just, given the situation now." The friends looked uneasily at one another. "Barney, are you ok?" He sighed, standing. "Yup. See ya," and turned and left the bar, without any further explanation.

The man started walking up the stairs to Robin and Ted's apartment, forcing himself to focus on his phone and not on what he had seen last time he had been in the apartment. He texted Robin, 'don't go' as he reached her door and took a deep breath, about to knock. His phone vibrated and he pulled it out to read her text. 'y not? no reason for me to stay anymore, right? you said so yourself.'

Barney squeezed his eyes shut again and pressed his forehead against the door. He could hear her walking around in the next room. He was so close to her. To telling her he was ready for them to be back together, he had been stupid to delay it… But she clearly didn't want it. He stood and walking away, slipping his phone in his pocket as he headed back down the stairs. It was better this way, he told himself. No one could get hurt anymore. Robin would move to Washington and he… Well, he would start by going home and trying to sleep. Alone. Without Robin.

He stopped walking and pounded his fist into a nearby wall. If Robin moved to Washington, he didn't know what he would do. With her here it was as though they at least had a chance of getting back together. But now… He punched the wall again. "Dammit."

**PART TWENTY**

"Ok. Are we all clear on the plan?" Lily asked, pouring over the sheet over paper she'd placed on the table in front of Marshall and Ted. The men peered over, trying to decipher Lily's scrawled handwriting, now slightly fading as the paper got a little wet from splashed beer and clung to the table.

"Affirmative," said Ted with a salute a moment later, sitting up and looking at Lily. "Aye, aye, Captain!" Marshall chimed in. "Good," Lily said with a broad smile. She held up her beer. "To Barney and Robin!" She said. "Barney and Robin!" The men agreed, bringing their beer in for cheers. All three chugged the remaining contents of their glasses, slammed them on the table, stood, and walked out together.

******

"Isn't this awesome?" Yelled Ted over the pounding music blaring at the Lusty Leopard. A nonplussed Barney nodded next to him, staring off into the distance. "Barney! Bro! Pay attention! Crystal's coming up next!" He said, snapping his fingers in front of Barney's face and pointing towards the catwalk in front of them. Barney sat up a little straighter. "Oh… Awesome," he faintly smirked, trying and failing miserably to feign interest. He started messing with the label on his beer bottle.

Ted stared at him, frustrated, and pulled out a wad of $1 bills. "Dude, I brought these just for you," he said, thrusting them into Barney's lap. Barney looked up, temporarily distracted out of his depression. "Huh? You brought me ones? Why would you do that? And why are we even here? I thought you hated this place." Ted smiled and clapped his hand on his friend's back. "Because, Barney, I've felt really, _really_ guilty about the whole Robin situation. It's been over a month, man, and I still can't help but think that I screwed everything up!"

Barney waved his friend off, focusing on Crystal as she walked out of the curtains at the end of the catwalk. "We've been over this bro. Forgive and forget. You didn't know, I punched you, we've both apologized, no big deal, bra." He took a drink of beer, eyes fixated on the gyrating woman in front of him. "Besides, it's not a big deal. It was just a fling with Robin. It was bound to end sooner or later." Ted couldn't help but think the man was just trying to convince himself. "So really, I should be thanking you! You stopped it before we got in too deep."

He turned to smile weakly at Ted. "Besides, this apology dinner at Lusty Leopard and tickets to Foxy Boxing? MORE than enough apology." He finished off his beer, looking away from his friend again. "So, thanks man. And I'm good. With the whole… Robin… thing, I'm cool," his voice got quieter, just slightly. "So, you know, you can quit worrying about me." Ted nodded. "And you can definitely stop bringing it up," he very quietly muttered.

Ted nodded. "Whatever you say, man." He turned back to face the catwalk and discretely pulled his cell phone out and checked the time before quickly texting Lily. 'on schedule'

******

ROBIN SPARKLES read the sign that Marshall was holding in front of him at the airport. He waited by the luggage carousel, smiling in anticipation of her reaction at seeing the sign, written in glitter pink and purple puff paint by Lily's kindergarten class.

He saw Robin in the distance, walking quickly through the airport towards the carousel, talking hurriedly into her phone. "Thank you very much, sir, I appreciate the opportunity," Marshall overheard her saying through a clenched jaw. "Robin!" He shouted, waving his arms to attract her attention. "Over here!"

Robin's head shot up at the familiar voice as she flipped her phone shut. "Marshall?" She asked, surprised as she approached him. "What's going on?" She looked amused at the sign in his hand. "What's going on?" Marshall grinned broadly. "Nothing! Nothing at all!" He thought briefly that it was a good thing Lily was involved in the stay-at-home part of the plan, or she would have already cracked and spilled the whole thing. "I just figured that… Well, you shouldn't have to pay outrageous cab fares when you're job-searching. So I figured I'd pick you up!" Robin smiled, touched. It had been a while since someone had done something sweet for her. It had been since, well, Barn… She stopped that thought before it could get any further. "Well, thanks Marshall," she said, seeing her bag coming around the carousel and shrugging it over shoulder. "I really appreciate it."

Marshall smiled back, "No problem," and grabbed her other suitcase and began rolling it behind him, leading her to the parking lot. As she made a quick stop in the bathroom, Marshall texted Ted and his wife. 'be there in 45'

******

Ted's phone buzzed for the 3rd time in the past 5 minutes and Barney looked over at him, annoyed. "Dude, what is going on?" He asked as he stood, draining his beer and chucking the bottle in the trash. "You totally missed the last 5 minutes of this legen-dary match!"

Ted smiled at Marshall's text. The timing was perfect. He slipped the phone into his pocket, glad he'd been able to finally get Barney out of his depressing slump. "Nothing!" He insisted. "Buddy of mine borrowed something and he was just telling me he dropped it off at my apartment." He stood and stretched. "So d'ya mind if we drop by the apartment real quick before going to MacLaren's?" Barney shrugged and followed him out. He was at the point in the night where he was tipsy enough and tired enough to not really care.

******

As Ted and Barney entered the apartment, they were greeted by the sight of Lily standing underneath the giant Intervention banner. Barney creased his eyebrows in confusion for a brief moment then looked at Ted and grinned in understanding. "Ahh… I get it." He placed a hand on Ted's shoulder. "I knew this day would come, man. I'm sorry to say this, but…" Barney glanced at Lily, who was busy shaking her head at Ted in confusion. "The hair gel has got to go. Now, because I was unaware of this intervention, I do not have a letter prepared. But I can absolutely recite the speech I've been mentally working on." He straightened and assumed his lecture pose. "Ted, my boy, there comes a time in every ma-"

"Barney," Ted cut him off. "It's not for me." Ted pulled a letter out of his pocket as Barney frantically looked at Lily. "Wait, what did I do?" His eyes widened in realization. "Is this about the smoking? Listen, yes, I'll admit, I enjoy an occasional cigarette or two, but that is under control! I only smoke when I'm really stressed," he said, resisting the urge to light up at that very moment.

Lily just smiled sweetly. "Nope. Not about the smoking. Although, you really should stop that," she admonished. Right at that moment, there was a commotion at the door as Marshall rolled in Robin's luggage and Robin followed behind.

She saw the banner and glanced at Lily and Ted surprised, avoiding Barney's stare. "Who….?" She asked, grunting as she put down her bag. Marshall turned to face her and pulled out an envelope from his jacket. "You." Barney made a noise of confusion as Ted walked towards the banner to join the married couple in pulling out his letter. "Both of you, actually."

Robin and Barney both immediately stared at the floor, knowing what was coming. Lily cleared her throat. "Dear Robin and Barney, I love you both very much. And I've never seen you two more happy than when you are together. So stop being idiots already and get back together. I hate all this whining!" She ended what had started as a very composed speech with a yell, shaking her fist at Barney. He stared at her in shock. Ted stepped slowly away from Lily and read his letter. "Barney – It's my turn to apologize for breaking 'The Bro Code.' I didn't know. But I do know, after living with Robin during all of this, how much she has missed you and just how miserable she is without you. I completely give you my blessing, if that's what you're afraid of. Please, please, stop being stupid and get back together." Barney looked at Robin, surprised at this mention of her depression. She continued staring at the floor. Marshall pulled out his letter, "Robin – You somehow got Barney to become a sweat-suit wearing, brunch-eating, one-woman man while _still_ being awesome. If that doesn't deserve a high-five, I don't know what does." He paused to scurry over to give Robin a quick high-five, which she did not really reciprocate. "So I'd just like to reiterate what these guys have said."

He cleared his throat, demanding their attention, straightened to his tallest, crossed his arms, and proclaimed loudly: "Robin," he pointed at her, "You still love Barney." He pointed at the man. "Barney, you still love Robin." He pointed back at her. "Get back together already before we kill you both for being depressed all the time and totally bumming us out."

Both Barney and Robin opened their mouths to protest, but Lily marched forward and grabbed their wrists. "Enough!" She dragged them to Robin's bedroom. "We're locking you two in here!" She shoved them in the room. "Now don't come out until you're back together!"

She slammed the door shut, leaving Robin and Barney staring at each other for the first time in weeks.

**PART TWENTY-ONE**

The former couple stared at one another, not blinking, for a long moment. Eventually Barney broke the silence with a soft, "So…." Robin nodded, looking at the ground. "So." She visibly sighed, her shoulders falling in defeat. "Listen, if you want to sneak out through the fire escape, I totally understand," she said quietly, motioning towards the window. Barney nodded, glancing in that direction and then back at her. "Do you want me to?" He asked gently.

She looked him in the eyes. "I don't know… Don't you want to? I mean, you did say you weren't ready to get back together. I was starting to think you would never be ready again."

Barney kept staring at her, unwavering. Hearing their friends' letters had knocked him out of his temporary madness. They were right. He and Robin belonged together, and not being together was just plain stupid. He opened his mouth to say so, but Robin kept talking.

"And then, when I saw you with that decorating girl at your apartment, I just wanted to…" She started tearing up. "But then I realized that was probably nothing compared to how you felt walking in on me and Ted…" She was sniffling now, trying hard to keep her composure. Barney remained intent on her face, and slowly reached his hand up to wipe a few wayward tears off her face. "I know, Robin," he muttered softly.

Reacting to his tender touch, Robin pressed her face again his hand. "And I've just been feeling so guilty… All this time, _so_ guilty for what I did to you, and now… With this job… I just…" She looked up into Barney's piercing eyes. "I don't even care anymore, Barn. About the job, or about the apartment or anything. I just…. I just want you back."

That was all Barney needed to hear. He reached out with both his arms, wrapped her close to him and kissed her deeply, reaching out with one hand to twist the lock closed as he guided Robin toward her bed.

******

"Well…" Robin said softly, smiling broadly at Barney laying next to her. "If _that's_ what's always going to happen when we fight, we really should to break up more often!" Barney laughed and then smiled with a hint of sadness. "No," he said just as softly, caressing her face. "No, we shouldn't. Ever again."

Robin raised her eyebrows at the word 'ever.' "Really? The great Barney Stinson, talking about forever with a girl? I thought that was against one of your rules… I am shocked!" She feigned surprise, laughing with her eyes. He just grinned and wrapped her tighter in his arms. "Well, Scherbatsky, I think we both know that when it comes to you, there _are_ no rules." She smiled back and sighed in his embrace. "I'm so happy we're back together, Barney." He nodded in agreement, closing his eyes and snuggling back into the pillow. "And I just want to say, one last time, that I really am sorry," Robin said.

Barney sat up again, briefly. "I know," he said softly. "And I am, too…. And that's the last time we'll ever mention it again, understood?" She nodded and he smiled. "Good." He glanced at the clock and realized how late it was. "Now, I think we ought to go to MacLaren's and formally thank our scheming friends for their nosiness." Robin smiled, "Deal." She stood and went over to her closet to pull on some jeans. "And after, back to your place?" She smiled deviously.

Doubt flashed through Barney's eyes as he watched Robin. "Sure…" He said, sounding not at all sure. Robin paused to look up at him. "What?" Barney sighed and sat up, running his fingers through his hair. "It's just… I just… If we go back to 'my' place tonight… And we're going to keep going back to 'my' place, can we start calling it 'our place?'" he asked hopefully, stumbling nervously over the words.

Robin grinned and walked back towards Barney. "Mr. Stinson, are you asking me to move in with you?" She asked suggestively, pulling at the tie he had just put on. He nodded, holding his breath for an answer. "Then," Robin said, wrapping the tie around her neck in the way she knew Barney thought was hot. "I'm going to have to say yes," she said, leaning in for a kiss. Barney smiled broadly, relieved that the whole problem was now over and he and Robin were finally where he had wanted to be a month ago.

"Then – I'll – have – the – designer – come – by – in – the – morning," he said in between kisses. When Robin paused, he added, panicked, "A new one! A different designer! I'll find a dude!" She smiled, satisfied, and pulled him back toward the bed. They never did make it to MacLaren's that night.

******

Over the next two weeks, things slowly settled back to normal. Robin moved her stuff from Ted's apartment into Barney's, which was gradually going through a transformation itself. After getting back together with Robin, Barney had returned to his apartment and flung open the door of the suit room with glee, happy to once again breath in Robin's scent… And to wear his other suits. After much debate, Barney finally decided to turn the suit room into a state-of-the-art office from which Robin could job search and Barney could work from home on days he didn't want to have to leave Robin to go to the office.

The couple welcomed a weekend visit from James, Tom, and Barney's nephew, during which Robin saw just how baby-crazy Barney really was – but would never actually admit to being. Instead of being scared at this revelation, Robin merely smiled and figured she would never fully understand Barney, and made a point to tell him that night that she in no way wanted to have a baby. Definitely not anytime soon, anyway. Barney had just smiled and nodded, saying merely that he was perfectly content with just her.

It had, admittedly, been a bit awkward at first being so open about their relationship with the group – especially Ted – after hiding it for months, but things were finally exactly where they wanted them to be. After about a month of them living together, Barney somehow got Robin her old job back, but she refused, instead taking a job at another local news station. This time, she was the morning anchor, which meant she awoke at an ungodly hour and had to cut her time at MacLaren's short each night, but at least she was not cracking stupid puns at every news story. She was, however, required to be a bit cheerier and expected to exchange some early-morning witty banner with her co-host, Tony Dasher.

Barney _hated_ Tony Dasher. He joked that instead of waking to Robin's face in bed next to him, he now awoke to Robin's face on his TV wall, exchanging flirty sex eyes with Tony. Robin found the jealousy immensely humorous, and somewhat ironic that she was once again insisting to another boyfriend, 'I don't get involved with people I work with.' Tony was at least much more bearable than Sandy.

Two months had passed since the infamous Intervention that resulted in Barney and Robin getting back together, and the group of friends had never been happier. Ted had started dating this new girl Monica, a pretty redhead librarian who fit in well with the group and Barney and Marshall had a bet running he would propose to within 6 months, Lily was being very good about her shopping habits and had really started to make a dent in her credit card debt, Marshall had been promoted within GNB and had used this promotion to start pestering Lily about having babies again, Robin was given more power at work so she could call some of the shots on which stories she reported, and Barney was, of course, awesome.

One Friday night, after a particularly long day at the office for Ted, Marshall, and Barney, the gang huddled tiredly around the booth at MacLaren's.

"It's almost over!" A triumphant, but exhausted, Ted proclaimed, raising his beer for a toast. Marshall and Barney joined him, mumbling "'ts almost over" incoherently, downing their beers and drowsily resting their foreheads on the table. Lily and Robin arched their eyebrows at one another. The men had been working really late hours the entire week as Ted's project for the new Goliath National Bank headquarters was finally wrapping up, and they had decided to celebrate that night by drinking many, many beers.

"Well, looks like it's time to take you boys home," Robin said, standing and gently pulling Barney up with her. "Uh-huh," he grunted, leaning on her shoulder, his eyes still closed. "Scherbatsky – why can't I just sleep here? It's so comfy!" He whispered in her ear, pleading. She smirked. "Because if you sleep here, I won't be here in the morning to wake you up in that way you like," she replied. Barney instantly straightened, blinking away sleep. "I'm up! Let's go home!" He said, grabbing her hand and walking to the door. Robin laughed, "Not so fast, buddy, we gotta take care of Ted." Barney dropped her hand and collapsed back in the booth. "OK, I'll be here waiting. Just… Go take him back and then come back for me…" He trailed off, his eyes drifting closed as he fell back asleep, slouched in the booth.

Robin and Lily rolled their eyes at one another. One by one, they were able to get their men to bed – they left Marshall and Barney sleeping in the booth as they walked Ted upstairs and put him to sleep, then helped one another get their respective men into cabs and take them home.

Once back at their apartment, Robin tucked Barney into bed then started looking through his drawers for his old college t-shirt she loved to sleep in. "Where… Barney, honestly, you know I love it, just let me keep it in one of _my_ drawers," she muttered, frustrated, pulling out several neatly folded t-shirts from Barney's drawers. She finally found the t-shirt in the top drawer and yanked it out, not caring at this point how much of a mess she made on the floor. Barney could deal with it in the morning. She sighed in happiness, pulling the soft t-shirt over her head and stopped when she noticed something lying on the floor that had fallen out of the drawer that was clearly not a t-shirt. Bending down, she picked up the small black box and gasped, her eyes flicking to Barney still passed out on the bed.

Unable to resist, she cracked open the box to find, nestled among the black velvet, a beautiful diamond ring.


	7. G

PART 22

A ring. There was a diamond ring in Barney's t-shirt drawer. Robin remained frozen, staring down at the tiny box in her hand. She quickly ran through the list of reasons why Barney would have a ring in his dresser drawer. To initiate fake proposal sex with all the bimbos from his past life? Yes… Because he slept with a married woman one night and she left it here? Well, yes…. He had bought it a decade ago for Shannon and never used it? Actually… yes…

Robin smiled faintly, proud of herself for calmly reasoning through this instead of panicking. There were, once she thought about it, a multitude of reasons why Barney could have a diamond ring in his t-shirt drawer. And she knew for a fact that proposal to her wasn't one of them. Not now, at least. They had just talked about it and both said they weren't ready and didn't know if they ever would be. Robin slowly snapped the box shut and quietly started to re-fold the t-shirts and put them back in the drawer, needing a calming activity to quiet her thoughts.

On the other hand… Assuming Barney had this ring for completely innocent reasons… How would he react to her assuming it was for a proposal? Robin grinned wickedly. Really, he probably had done something mean to her at some point that deserved this. She jumped on the bed.

*SMACK* "Ow! What the hell, Scherbatsky?!" Barney exclaimed, rubbing his arm in pain and sitting up, glaring at his girlfriend. "There are much, _much_ nicer ways to wake a man." Robin didn't bother joking along with him. "What the hell? What the _hell_?!? I should be asking _you_ what the hell, Stinson!" Barney dropped his arm and looked at her, confused. She held up the diamond ring. "What the _hell_ is this, Barney?!" Barney's eyes very briefly widened in panic, glancing quickly from Robin to the ring and back, and then returned to their previous drowsy state.

"Oh," he said, yawning. "That." He waived his arm. "Oh, don't worry about that, Robin. Just something James gave me when he visited a while back – apparently Mom realized that a diamond ring was hurting her chance with the men, or something equally as sordid, and passed it along to him when we were kids, him being the oldest and all…" He trailed off, then raised his eyebrows in realization. "Hey! I guess this means Mom was married at one point. Huh…" He shrugged and looked back at her. "Anyway, he didn't need it so he gave it to me when he was visiting a while back."

Robin looked down at the box and popped it open, wondering just how far she could take this conversation in order to learn where he truly stood on the whole marriage issue. She pulled the ring out and slid it on her finger. "Good. I tried it on, but it's waaaay too big for me. It's gotta be like a 10 or something – you're mom had huge fingers. My ring size is a 6."

Barney shrugged, not making eye contact, and just stared at the ring, his voice still drowsy and monotone. "Oh." He picked up the ring she had just slid off her finger and held it up to the moonlight peering through the windows and squinted, trying in vain to determine clarity. "Piece a junk," he muttered. He handed it back to Robin. "Do you think Goodwill accepts jewelry like this? Or should I just throw it away?"

Robin gasped. "Barney! Don't you want to… I don't know, save it?" He looked up. "For what? For you?" Robin's eyes widened in shock. She had been skirting around the issue, but Barney had just addressed it dead-on. She liked that about him.

Barney shook his head, instantly catching himself. "I mean, for me? I mean… Just _if_ I were ever so insane enough to get married… to a woman who would of course have to match my level of awesome…" He took a long pause, gazing meaningfully at Robin, then dropped his gaze back down to the ring. "Then do you really think I'd give her such a shoddy excuse for a piece of jewelry? I mean, I don't mean to brag Robin, but you more than anyone, have a pretty good idea of what I make. You… Or, you know, whoever I marry… _If _I marry… deserves waaay better than a cheap knock-off diamond ring that my mom wore as an accessory more than a symbol of commitment." His voice started to fade the longer he kept looking at the ring now sitting on the bed.

Robin ached for him, knowing that his mom issues were just as monumental as his father issues, so she just leaned back and smiled softly. "Sounds good," she said, not pressing the issue. She picked up the remote and started flipping through the channels and found Letterman. "Wanna order a pizza? I'm sure we can find someone still open at 2 a.m." She asked, smiling at him. He snuggled against her, tossing the ring box into a nearby chair and nodded. "Sure, Scherbatsky. Only if you're done intentionally messing with my head, though," he smirked. Robin feigned innocence as she pulled out her cell phone. "C'mon, Robin, I know when you're lying. Next time you want to talk about marriage, just talk about it. Don't pull this whole stunt." Robin smiled, "Caught me. Pepperoni sound good?" Barney nodded and smiled, sinking back into the thick pillows on the bed. He twined his fingers together and put them under his head, staring at the ceiling, and made a mental note to get the ring he had bought with his winnings in Vegas resized to a size 6.

PART 23 – FINALE!

_A/N: Well, this is the end... I kind of ran out of inspired ideas after this chapter and felt it would be better to have it come to a close now rather than drag it on and on with nothing really good to say. Thank you SO MUCH for reading and for all your wonderful, encouraging comments. I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. I'm not sure right now if I'm going to start a new fic, whether it be HIMYM or another show, right now I'm uninspired. But I'd like to write something new! Let me know, as always, your thoughts in the comments section! :)_

Lily spit out her drink at Barney's comment. "You bought Robin a diamond ring?!" She exclaimed, incredulously, as Marshall hurried to clean up after her. Barney nodded, shrugging, like it was the most casual thing in the world. "Yeah, in Vegas, with my winnings."

Lily and Marshall, now satisfied that the table was clean, resumed staring at him in complete and utter disbelief. "But…. You… _Hate_ marriage." Lily said slowly, carefully, scared to knock him back into reality.

Barney nodded again, waving his hand. "Yup. I do. And so does Robin, actually." Lily's eyes widened in confusion. "Then why….?"

Barney sighed, frustrated. Sometimes he had to explain _everything. _"I bought the ring, Lil, because I was upset and depressed and grasping at straws. Plus, I figured maybe Robin will one day want to get married. And when that day comes, I'll be ready."

The married couple exchanged glances as Marshall posed the next question. "But even if she wants to get married, _you _don't," he reminded Barney.

Barney shrugged again, taking a sip of his scotch. "True. But if Robin wants to get married, I will. End of story." Ted slipped in next to Barney at that moment, overhearing the last sentence. "Wait, what?! You'd marry Robin?" The suited man rolled his eyes. "Jeez, you guys. Of course! If Robin wants to get married, I'd marry her. But if she doesn't want to, I won't. What is so hard about this concept for you to grasp?" Ted's mouth fell open as he exchanged looks with the pair across the table. It had all taken them some time, after the Relationship Intervention, to cope with the fact that Relationship-Barney was a slightly different, less-womanizing version of his awesome-self… But having no problem with marriage? They had no idea he was _that _far gone.

Barney continued. "But thankfully, or unthankfully I guess, she found my mom's old ring that James had given to me when he visited. I was just planning to sell the damn thing, but she assumed I was going to propose and went off on this tirade. So…" He paused for dramatic effect; drink halfway to his lips, "I got to hear her feelings on marriage, with me, without even having to go down on bended knee. AND now I know her ring size and she hasn't even seen the ring I'm _actually_ going to use when, and if, that day ever comes. It couldn't have worked out better if I'd planned it!" He smirked and kissed his fist, looking to the sky. "Once again, God has intervened to save my reputation… Thanks big guy."

The two men listening slumped back in the booth, satisfied that Barney was at least still a little like the man they once knew, but Lily remained critical. "Wait, so let me get this straight," she directed to Barney, setting down her beer. He raised his eyebrows, waiting. "You bought Robin a diamond ring?" He nodded. "When are you going to propose?" He shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe never… Right now, we're good. I'll probably propose when she starts bugging me to get married – if she ever does that. I'm perfectly content never marrying her, to be honest. Just have things stay the way they are." Lily just pursed her lips. "Ok, if you say so."

Barney narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "Why do you care so much, anyway?" Lily shrugged. "Nothing, it's just… You're approaching this marriage thing very casually, is all." Barney nodded. "I know." "And you're not freaking out about it?" Ted asked again, leaning in. "Good _Lord_, you're all Tedding out about this!" Barney laughed.

At that moment, Robin entered MacLaren's and slid into the booth. Barney smiled and gave her a quick kiss in greeting. Robin looked around at the group, who were all still very confused. "Uh… What are we talking about?" Robin asked, looking at Barney. He smirked and cocked an eyebrow, hatching a plan. "Oh, nothing… We were just talking about us getting married."

Robin's eyes widened at his bluntness. "Oh." She turned to the rest of the group, who were staring. "And… What did you say?" He shrugged, motioning at Wendy to bring Robin a drink. "Oh, just that we would get married when you wanted to… That is, _if_ you ever want to."

Robin smiled. "Really? You're willing to just do whatever I want?" He smiled, "Yeah!" He winked at her with the eye the group couldn't see. Might as well have some fun with this otherwise pretty-serious relationship discussion, as long as they had an audience. Robin cocked an eyebrow, getting the message.

"Oh, well, good. Because, you know, I've been thinking the past few weeks that maybe marriage wouldn't be that bad." She smiled at Barney, sneaking a quick peek at their friends who sat staring in rapt attention.

"Oh, really?" Barney asked smiling, and taking her hand. He reached into his jacket and pulled out a tiny black box. Robin's face dropped in shock and her eyes widened. Lily audibly gasped, Ted said "What?" loud enough for the whole bar to hear, and Marshall yelled at Wendy "Wendy! Popcorn! Now!"

Barney smiled at their reactions, but kept his eyes focused on Robin. He slowly slid out of the booth and got down on one knee. "Wait – what!? I thought we were just joking!" She said, panicking. Barney smiled and opened the box, revealing a huge, gorgeous diamond ring. "Oh, shit," said Lily, Marshall, Ted, and Robin in total unison.

"Robin Scherbatsky," Barney started, looking up at Robin, smiling, "Will you…" He paused as he saw her panic subsiding and looked at him, tears starting to form in her eyes. "Marry me?" She cocked an eyebrow and wiped away the tears before they could form. "Are you serious, Barney? I mean, really?"

Barney smiled, "Yup." The entire bar at this point was silent and staring at the table. Robin broke into a wide smile and leaned forward and whispered something in his ear. Barney's eyes flickered for a moment and he began laughing. "If that's how you want to play it, Scherbatsky," he said, flipping the box closed, slipping it back into his jacket, and resuming his place in the booth.

After a moment of stunned silence as the entire bar watched, they both took a sip of their drinks and turned to look at their friends, acting as though nothing had even happened. "So, Ted, how's the new project coming along?" Robin asked, leaning forward to grab a handful of pretzels.

Ted just stared at her in response as Lily burst out, unable to hold it in any longer. "What'd she say?!? What'd she say!!!" Barney shrugged. "Meh," he responded, waving her off. "I thought you were weirded out with all this romantic stuff, anyway." He said pointedly. Lily and Marshall groaned in frustration as the rest of the bar, disappointed with the lack of closure, went back to their conversations.

* * * * * *

Later that night, Barney was starting to fall asleep when Robin woke him with a question. "Are you really going to ask me again?" She asked him, her arms tightening around his, wrapped around her waist. Barney yawned, struggling to stay awake. "Well, you told me to ask you again later. So… Yeah." She smiled. "What would you have done if I had said yes?" He smiled, "I probably would have put the ring on your finger," he said smartly back. She smacked him lightly. "You know what I mean." His expression softened. "Well, after that, I probably would have kissed you," he whispered softly into her ear. She turned to face him, a smile on her face. "Yeah?" He nodded. "Show me how that would have gone, exactly…"

_Epilogue_

For the next few years, a lot changed within the group but the important parts remained the same. They still met for drinks at MacLaren's – albeit less often once Lily finally caught the same baby fever Marshall had had for years and gave birth to their son and a few years later a daughter; Ted finally found "the one" and got married to her within 3 months of dating her; and Barney proposed to Robin about once a month – which Robin answered each time by whispering something in his ear. After a few years, the marriage proposals gradually slowed in frequency and eventually ceased altogether. The gang didn't even pick up on this fact until one day Lily noticed, while Robin was changing Lily's daughter's diapers, a giant rock on the news anchor's ring finger. She accusingly bought it up later that night when the gang all reunited for dinner and Robin just shrugged it off.

Barney, however, could not remain silent. "Of _course_ we got married, Lil, what did you expect?" He said casually, passing the salad down the table to Ted's wife. Lily shrugged, surprised at how calmly they were both handling the situation. Barney groaned. "Oh, God, do I really have to explain this to you?" Marshall chimed in, "I really think you were probably going to do that anyway."

Robin cocked her eyebrow in agreement, smiling as she saw her husband mentally prepare his speech of explanation. "Ted, Marshall… My goal in life, when you were single," "I was never single," Marshall interrupted. "When you were single," Barney resumed, ignoring him, "Was to prove to you just how lame you were at all times." Ted nodded in agreement. He was familiar with this goal. "But now that you're both married," Barney continued, "I figured it was my civic duty to prove to you how lame you were in marriage," he paused to wink at Robin, "By providing for you an example of how _awesome_ a married couple can actually be." Robin smiled back, "Just call us Mr. and Mrs. Awesome."


End file.
